So, For the last year, I've had a silent crush on a male co-worker that has progressively gotten much "worse" so to speak. We both work as managers but in different regions so we're pretty far apart and only see each other during regional meetings or during activities. When I first met him, we were working in the same location but only for a couple of days. Any conversations that we had were awkward and short and I eventually decided that maybe he just didn't like me or was really shy. Later on, we met again at a regional conference and I was able to get a short conversation out of him and a smile. I state for the record: This man is American Born Russian and beyond hot... I dream about him so often and am actually sad to wake up. This pattern has slowly increased over the last year until recently when we were attending a regional meeting and one of the female managers (she knows I'm bi) sitting next to me nudged me and pointed out that he had been staring at me on and off from across the room. When I see him at these functions, I get hugs now... when he walks by, he'll reach out to pat or touch me in some way... I'm confused. Alot of our managers are convinced that he's completely straight. I would like to think not, but don't know for sure and don't want to compromise a possible friendship by asking. Finally, we come to the present day. I still get hugs (full ones now) and since the company is going to be sending us to Hawaii, he asked if I would go hiking and bungee jumping with him... a far cry from not talking to me at all. At this point, I am beyond lust.. I really do like the person i've come to know and want more. Does anyone know what I should do? It's driving me crazy not knowing anymore and its killing me not being able to be around him because when I am, I'm happier and fulfilled - he makes me smile and laugh and want to act silly for no reason. FML, someone help.
What do you have to lose by asking? Is your job or anything at stake if something goes wrong? Or just casual awkwardness? Are you out to any co-workers that may have talked to him? Doesn't seem to me like you are great friends in any way so I mean, its not like you are risking a best friendship by telling him you are gay and seeing his reaction. I wouldn't go right up and say "I'm gay" but maybe subtly hint and see how he reacts. Maybe he will get distant, and you will need to back off, or maybe he will get a little more touchy and you can maybe push the subject a bit. Overall, not much info to go on here so my suggestions may not be too helpful. If you are comfortable enough to tell him about you, thats a better first step than asking about him IMO.
I think there are only two things you can do here: 1. You find out if he likes you or not. 2. You forget about him. The thing about crushes is that they tend to get more intense the more unsure you get. You really want him to like you, and because you're not entirely sure, you keep thinking about it excessively. The best thing to do is to fins out where he stands and then decide what to do, otherwise you'll likely be trapped in this position until you forget about him. The easiest way to do this is to flirt with others and get a crush on somebody else =)
I have been in the situation more than once. And I think that you should think up some good lines (in advance) that open up the conversation in the direction of "is he into guys at all?" The reason for thinking them up in advance is you need ones that are open ended enough as to not create friction if he is straight. And not emotional at all. You want to keep everything cool in the event it does not pan out quite right. And having the script written in advance is a good way. You don't want to appear dead set on getting him in bed. I have learned to not ask if they are gay, straight or bi. Labels do not make these guys feel good. And if you read up around here, you'll see how many guys are saying that there are "curious" "confused" or bi, but not gay. It seems we have trouble with the word gay early on. So you could end up naked in hotel room coming out of shower, or just shirtless whatever, in his presence. Or ask he he has ever played around, or would like to play around? This is assuming that you can even get him alone in private. I would not ask the question when I am shirtless, it just seems tacky to me. And then some men are not into the chit chat, but tend to get get pretty wrecked on only three drinks. here are some ideas that are known to work when the guy is at least somewhat interested to begin with. 1. lock eyes for more than 10 seconds, see if he follows your move. 2. show a bit of skin, not too much, and then see if he looks 3. take two steps forward and one back, is what I have read and done. 4. let him feel like he is leading the show, when really you planned it. 5. and if you are brave, let your eyes go down across his body, and then slowly back to eyes. You can do this when he is talking to you so that he sees you eyeing him top to bottom. This is best after a drink or two. I have seen guys flattered with this move even if it does not get them to do anything. Sometimes they will follow your lead, and eye you back. But if you do it when you two are alone, it will not be a big deal if your move it not going any further. I would do these things in a way that lets you off the hook if it ain't going further. It is a balancing act. Best planned in advance, and try and not say anything too far off of the script, especially that is emotional.
