Well hello everybody, I know I haven't introduced myself or anything, but it is kinda late and I can't hold on anymore and really have to tell this to someone, hope you don't mind my selfishness. A few months ago I was watching an interview of one of my favourite actors, Sir Ian Mckellen, needless to say he is an openly happy gay man, and at one moment the interviewer asks him when did he realised he was gay, to which he responds that at first he was into girls, but then all of a sudden he started noticing that images he liked were from men, at the movies always the men, and that answer changed my life since then. I am 20 years old, and realised I just wasted all my teenage years trying to look at women the same way all my mates did, would even cooperate in those regular conversations about girls which actully meant nothing to me. I started having memories of fantasising about male teachers by the age of 13, but by then I tought it was just a phase, so I kept the following years trying to look at girls, but that just lead to a lonely style of life, never going out, feeling I don't belong anywhere. Anyway, after I watched that interview the questioning about whether I was gay or not started to flood my mind, spent several weeks thinking about it and decided to watch some gay porn, as for before, I usually watched straight porn, but never really satisfied my desires, would only use it to "relieve" myself, just in a way of phisical need (important to say I grew up in a very religious family, really small village where the word gay is not even pronounced), and at first I think due to all social barriers and prejudice I had against gay people (I also was one of those persons who think homossexuality is a choice and a nasty way of living) made me a little bit self-conscious. However as of late, gay porn makes me feel like I have never felt before, can't look at straight porn anymore, gives me no pleasure at all, so I've come to the conclusion I am definitely gay. Now problem is: I am still virgin because could never find a girl I would feel atracted and now I know why, but now that I know I am into men, and being on my first year of college, in a big city and all by my own, would be the perfect time to start getting to know lgbt community around here, but peoples acceptance and understanding, even college students, the ones supposed to have a more open mind are still quite a bit laid back, and whenever the word gay is brought up in a conversation, most people just react with disgust and make general assumptions of how nasty and unnatural homossexuals are, and I know for sure that if I came out, I would be always looked down and picked on for the rest of my graduation and on top of this, being a shy person does not help at all. So I have come up with the following solution: finish my graduation, and head to a more accepting country, region, whatever, get to know how it feels to be gay in real life and later come out to everybody, seems a long-term solution I don't particularly like and that's where I would like some help and suggestions if possible. Think I would be interested in meeting closeted men like me in social networks, I know they exist but don't really trust any of them and I would be grateful for your opinions on this matter. This turned out to take longer than I expected. Would like to thank you all in this forum I have been following up for months, but just had the courage to come here now and ask for help.
Hi just as something to think about I am 14 I know exactly what you feel as do many of the people on this sight and I am surprised people haven't replied yet. I think that it is really good that you have finally accepted yourself and now know who you are and what you like. As I said I am 14 and unlike you I have never not known my sexual orientation although there was a time I tried to convince myself otherwise. I came out to my parents when I was 12 and they didn't mind and I have came out to many other people since then although my sibling still don't know. I know that you probably won't think much about this reply because of the age and possibly your thought of immaturity but imagine I'm not 14 Any way I think that you should just be perfectly honest about your orientation but obviously don't walk around in Joseph's techni-coloured dream coat haha. Also it depends on where you live as to how accepting they might be as if you live down south in America then your probably not going to be loved by your local community however if you live somewhere like San Francisco then every other guy is gay. I really hope you the best and if you ever need to talk you need to express you feelings then don't hesitate about posting on my wall or contacting me. I really hoped this helped. Ryan x
First off- welcome to the site! Ok, I don't think this was the 'social network' you were talking about finding closeted men on but you've certainly found a closeted man here. I only finally accepted that I was gay a couple of weeks ago but I can remember having attractions toward other boys in my school all the way back to junior high school. Don't feel bad about being a virgin (it's ok, seriously). I'm a virgin and truth be told, I've never even had a real girlfriend (or boyfriend) and I'm 22. You're actually in a better situation than I am because I am just graduating college in a few weeks and I've made it known to no one that I'm gay. How big of a school are you going to? I'm at a large state university (~25 000) and I know that most people are quite accepting of the LGBT people we have on campus so I would hope that your school isn't quite as close minded as you let on. In regards to your overall question, I'd say just start making as many friends as you can as soon as you can. I'm super shy as well and I really only made friends when I was 'forced' to during classes but now I've got some really good friends and some of the experiences I've had have given me more confidence to make more friends. You don't have to tell people that you're gay the first day you meet them. I think you'll be better off in the long term if you make some really good friends (men or women) and then as your relationships develop and hopefully become closer friends, you can let them know that you are gay. Ok, so you've read through all of this and you're thinking 'but this guy's not out to anyone and he's going to be out of college soon! he has no idea what he's talking about!' Well, maybe so but if I had to do college all over again, I'd do it quite differently and probably do it more in line with what I described above. So, take my words for what they're worth but I do hope they gave you something to think about and at least provided a little help. Again, welcome to the forum! I'm glad you finally made an account and we're all glad you're here. I joined just about a week ago and I'm already having a great time and have met some really great people. I hope you'll stick around too.
