I just found out something i never thought was out of the question. My sister is a lesbian. This hasn't come from her mouth, but her husbands. I never 'thought' she was, but knew she went to a Gay bar here, but she said it was because she didn't like guys annoying her. She is married, and has a Child (7yo). The marriage was only recently. Then, recently, the Husband moved out for a break, and her 'friend' was living in the spare room. This girl wasn't the most feminine, and i had to actually ask 'is that a boy or a girl' (mean i know!). Now, Husband has moved back in, and She's living with that friend. The problem is, my niece. Now she's going to be ripped between 3 houses, since my parents look after her certain days. Also, i'm not out to my sister officially, but she'd be stupid not to know. And its not really something i wish to discuss with her. Whats the chances of that, 2 kids, both gay!
I think you should cut your sister some slack! She may be bi-sexual, she may be lesbian, who knows but that is her affair. If your sister already has a child either she is bi-sexual or she was trying to deny her homosexuality and I bet there are not many of you here that haven't done that at some time. Idem for the marriage, maybe she really loved the guy when she married him, or at least convinced herself that she did. There are married men here on EC who truely loved their wives but the homosexual pull was too strong so don't be too quick to condemn. As for your neice, kids are very resiliant as long as they are given love, honesty and explainations to their questions. In your shoes I would worry more about your sister, she might need some emotional support at the moment more than judgements! Having you accept her for who she is could be one less problem in her already overloaded basket of problems. You could try having an open, honest discussion with her. You don't have to tell her about your orientation just tell her that it doesn't make any difference to you if she is lebian or bi-sexual and that you are there to help for her and your niece if ever they need you. That would be the nice thing to do but then I don't know your family dynamics or if you get on well with your sister even.
If it makes you feel any better, my friend is the only straight kid out of three boys. And I think your sister, no matter what the circumstances are, deserves your support.
I think that whilst obviously you are concerned with your niece, who is having her family fall apart, I agree that you should cut your sister a little slack. A decision to leave a husband and child is never one taken lightly, I wouldn't think. She may be bisexual, in that she did love her husband in that way at one point, or it may be that she's been struggling with herself for years, and that it has all reached crisis point. Are you not close to your sister? I ask because you say you don't really want to discuss your own sexuality with her. It's up to you obviously, but it's possible she might be going through a rough time at the moment and something like you talking to her might make her feel a bit better. Although I can see why you'd be a bit angry. But good luck with the whole situation, and I hope things can get settled for your niece too. But I do think that overall, honesty will have turned out to be the best policy with regards your niece, rather than her possessing an intact family which is essentially no more than a facade. I've heard of several families where there's more than one LGBT person - proof that it's genetic maybe??
That is pretty odd - two of you being gay... go figure! Your neice won't necessarily 'suffer' as a result of this. As long as she knows that everyone around her loves her, she'll be fine. There is certainly an adjustment period, but if your sister and her husband stay on good terms and just accept this as one of lifes little 'ironies' (which is what my wife and I have managed to do) then there shouldn't be any negative effects on your neice. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. If your sister is feeling isolated or awkward around all this, she might be relieved to hear that you're also gay. What's the downside of telling her?
I'm not close to my sister, and i never have been. She 'ran away' when she was 14, and was doing all sorts or things a 14yo shouldn't be doing. I guess you could say, i learn from her mistakes. I don't smoke, i don't drink, and i don't do drugs, she does all 3 (Not excessively, but nothing is the only thing acceptable for myself) Since then, we have never been close. Jim, I don't plan on coming out to her, because she knows some of my friends. Once she knows, everyone will know. She doesn't needs support, she needs a reality check. Her kid 'should' come first, but when they were all still living at home, she'd barely be up at 3pm to pick her daughter up from school, let alone awake in the morning to take her. Also, i don't really care if she's a lesbian or not, the problem is, now that she is not living at home, it is just more problems for her daughter to have to deal with.
