Im 19 and not too long ago I admitted to myself that I like guys. I used to think I liked girls until like halfway through high-school, but I always got bored when I dated them and it just didn't feel right. When I finally actually allowed myself to think of myself in a relationship with a guy it totally different than i ever felt towards girls, and it just felt right. However I still often just feel very unsure about myself and my sexuality, and I often am not sure how I actually feel. However I defiantly am attracted to guys. I came out to a freind of mine that lives very far away over text a month or two ago, under less than sober circumstances and I would not have done so otherwise, but i felt just way better afterward. The thing is I realy feel a need to tell someone I actually normally see in real life about who I realy am, but I just feel like I am not ok enough with myself to do so. On the other hand I feel like if I dont say anything im never going to figure it out and nothing is going to change from how it is now, thinking about it by myself and even reading stuff online really hasnt helped much at all. any advice?
When I came out to my girlfriend, she actually helped me accept myself. I find the more people I tell, the comfortabler I am with my sexuality. I hope this helps in someway.
Your situation echos mine, I came out to my first person over text whilst not drunk I was definately suffering with alot of stress and just needed to tell one person. It sort of made me feel alot better and she has been very supportive but I feel like I need to tell more people (I've told one or two people who have no real significance, like my doctor) face to face as I felt it was a bit of a cowards way out. It's a sort of catch 22, how can I go and get a boyfriend and be certain I am gay (I'm 99% sure anyway) if I am not that far out (could be risky if someones sees me). My strategy is going to be to make the disclosure to someone I like (work friend) who I am sure is not out but I am sure is gay, hope he returns saying he is also and whilst I am sure he is would not be interested in me I hope at least to have someone in a similar position to talk to in person. A high risk strategy likely to fail but I got to at least try it I think.
I started dating someone who knew my situation. She was out but knew that I was still getting there. And she was very supportive about it. I found that once I told my parents, I felt even more secure in my sexuality. Not saying you should jump right into coming out bc I don't know your situation. Maybe you could try to find a LGBT group in your area to meet others like you? They could be helpful in not judging you while giving you someone to talk to in person.
Hey man, I'm 19 too and in a similar situation. I'm out to three of my best friends as "probably gay" but still confused. Because we're such great friends, its not an issue. I get teased for it sure, but all playful. I told them everything in my head, so I can just be yourself. If you are 100% sure you're gay, then that is what you should say. If you're pretty sure but still have some confusion/doubts, then depending on how good of friends you are, maybe you could tell them that. My point is, that for me, being 100% honest was the best route. I wanted to tell some people but I'm not ready to say straight up "I'm gay". I still struggle with it and your closest friends, if they're like mine, will be totally cool with that. Two of my three reactions were very positive and reassuring, and one friend acted as if he knew and it didn't bother him at all. If you trust your friends then you should consider this approach. If not, then unfortunately I would say wait until you are more sure of yourself or try to find someone else to talk to. Good luck buddy.
If you're not sure, and it's someone you're comfortable with, then I'd say follow what The Dude mentions and just be totally honest with them. A good friend probably won't mind you saying that you think you might be gay but you're not sure you've figured it all out yet. I completely get the thing with everyone saying they felt more confident the first time they told anyone. With me it wasn't a person but a thing. We get a regular anonymous survey at work and controversially one of the questions it asks, which you don't have to answer, is your sexual orientation. I took a deep breath and hit bisexual. It was the first time I'd admitted it to anyone but myself and even although nobody would know it felt like a huge hurdle out the way. Not long after that I met my first girlfriend after a chance conversation and the conformation that relationship gave me led to me telling a friend. He's also a guy I know through work Falsereading, so that might not be a bad strategy (he's not gay but I knew that some of his best friends are). That's been the best thing I ever did as he's been great in giving me a chance to talk about things and sort them out in my head.
