Does This Mean I Am Gay?

You could also be bi, not just gay. Sometimes it's not that easy to define your orientation. I'm sure many people on this forum can relate to your situation.

Unfortunately I can't give you much advice, but you could ask yourself if you feel sexually attracted to both women and men? The fantasies you're having about men, are they very frequent? Do you fantasize about women as well?

Don't be scared to be honest with yourself. You could be straight or bi or gay or anything else in between. Ok...I hope someone can give better advice than this lol. And this should be moved to support and advice.

 

For one it's best that you post your problems in the support and advice but seeing as your new we can forgive you. >_>

Now this sounds more like bisexuality leaning towards a desire in men the most. So this doesn't make you a complete gay (yea!!) but it's something you ought to tell your wife. It's only right that she knows.

We can't really give you the full answer you can only give yourself that. Realising your sexuality is a hard thing for us all but don't let the limitations that hetero, bi, or homo tend to put on people. As we all say it's more a spectrum that one fit destination.

My advice is, "Tak with your wife" but not knowing what kind of lady she is I somewhat reluctantly give you that advice. She could be a member of the Westboro Baptist Church for all I know...

 

I hate to tell you this, but you've already opened up a real 'Pandora's Box' that will be impossible to close. The fact is that you've been thinking about this enough to seek out a gay support web forum. You fantasize about sex with men, and you've actually had one experience that you thoroughly enjoyed...

At the same time you're saying that you're married to an ultra-conservative wife and have two little boys - and because of this you'd be willing to live your life in the closet.

Closets have a tendency to 'close in on you' over time. And the more constricted you feel, and the tighter it gets, the uglier it is when you finally burst out or get completely crushed inside.

Of course the discussion with her won't be a good one. It never is. But am I right in reading that you're only 24 years old? "The rest of your life" is a VERY, VERY long time. Based on my experience (having been married for 10 years before coming out) I'd bet against you being able to stay in your closet forever. Especially if you're a 'Gay Magnet'!

My advice? See a therapist or counsellor. Talk to a professional about this. Your discussion will be completely confidential, and it might give you some clarity around the situation. This isn't going to bug you less over time - it will bug you more. And it won't be easier for your wife to accept 5 or 10 or 20 years from now - it will be harder.

That would be my suggestion, having 'been there and done that'. Good luck. And welcome to EC!

 

Personally, I think if you see a pair of breasts and you don't walk into a wall, you're gay.
Quite simple.

 

I think it's your fantasies. However, if it keeps on bothering you - better go and consult a counsellor and/or a therapist.

Also, I see a pair of breasts and I don't walk into wall - I could be homosexual that way, but not 100% since I have interest on ladies. Maybe the breasts are too overrated to my very own senses, who knows?

 

Don't drown in a glass of water. Really. Give yourself a time to breathe.

I guess the best advice has been already given: Go see a councelor. Talk sincerely with your wife, will be ahrd but youll regret and you'll make way more damage if you let more and more time go by.

Not all gays are masculine, or femenine, or tall or short, or thin or fat or have muscles, not all gays are blonde, brunette, etc. as not all women are the same.

I will add something else: Learn to love YOU. You're going to hard times and you'll struggle sometimes, but be sure about your inner strenght and it doesn't matter how HARD things seems to be, there's always a light on the tunnel and sooner or later you'll look back to that experience and be thankful for it. (*hug*)

 

you should just live your life as you do and you will sooon find out naturally.

 

At this point you are a married heterosexual man who has kinky sexual fantasies. Some of those fantasies involve men.

That's all it means.

If you need a name for it, call it "bisexual" but given the complications in your life, I don't think it will ever be more than just fantasies.

 

i personally think pansexual is a better term than bisexual in this case. (they may sound the same if you them up better there are a few differences).

 

I agree with Jim above. If, through self analysis, conselling or whatever, you decide that you're gay or bisexual then you should sort it out with your wife sooner rather than later.

I've been married for 26 years and have two almost grown-up daughters. I still live with my wife. Nobody suspects anything. I'm definitely into guys more than girls but have only felt this way for a few years. Perhaps the gay side of me has lain dormant; I've always been interesed in guys but not to the extent of late.

If I were to come out, it would be disasterous (my opinion), not just for me but for all that know me. This is because all these years have gone by. Had I felt back then the way I feel now, my life would have been very different. That said, I have never, ever regretted having kids. Marrying - maybe.

Try and sort out in which direction you're going. If you "ignore" what nature's trying to tell you, you could end up like me. It gets harder, very hard. Good luck.

 

a quick response: if your wife says "you are a gay magnet" I think she may be hinting at something. She loves you - you're still together aren't you??!!! So, trust the love and next time she mentions "gay magnet" ask her to elaborate - give her the chance to say more, or let her leave it. But do give her a chance. ... you may be surprised how open she is despite her church affiliation. Paul

 

Please take a look at my post from yesterday and the responses to it. I have tried to post a link to it below. I fought against similar feelings for most of my life. I love my kids but the divorce was no fun. I don’t recommend you speak to your wife about this yet until you work through it some more. You cannot repress who you are without paying a huge psychological price. I tried for years with no success. Now that I am 40+, it is much harder to deal with.

http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10031