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Parents...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by fuzzywuzzy, Apr 25, 2013.

  1. fuzzywuzzy

    Full Member

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    So... I met this boy online. He's everything I could've asked for in life. Even though he lives more than a thousand kilometers away from me, I feel him as if he's right next to me. We spend every single possible moment together, even though we're so far away from each other. Our common interests just make it possible to commit in activities, which know no distance. I'll be direct. I love him with all my heart. I trust him with my life. Even if that sounds naive, nobody can tell me that "there is just no way of meeting him, just quit it". It's actually pretty much the opposite. I CAN meet him. There are just a few bumps in the road that I must pass in order for that to happen.

    His family will not be a problem, his parents know about me, and are totally OK with it. As for mine... They don't even know I'm gay. Even if I save up enough money to go and see my SO, I have no idea how to tell them that I'm going abroad to visit him. My mom...she's open-minded about everything. Her favorite singer is gay. I think she suspects me being as well. Also when I'm in love I'm so obvious, that one can figure out who am I chatting with from miles away. Now comes the harder and more complicated part: my dad, and the additional problems. I rarely talk with my dad. He's too busy working all the time. When he comes home he's just going to my parents' room and doesn't go out until dinner time, where my parents, seperately from me and my brother eat. I don't see him having a clear view on what gay people are like. He makes fun of them when he sees them on TV, but I haven't heard him making homophobic comments. As for the additional problems - I've had girlfriends in the past, which my parents have seen and know. Also, even if I come out, how the hell can I tell them that I'm going on a week or two-long trip to another EU country to see my partner, whom I met online? Even if I trust him, they most likely do not. Not to mention they barely speak English, which would make things a thousand times harder.
     
  2. alex408

    Regular Member

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    Fuzzywuzzy,

    Your story is nice and a good read! I'm happy for the both of you. Cominug out is a Rite of Passage for gay men. It should be celebrated! Your Dad LOVES you because you LOVE him back. So if you feel like this is the time to come out to your family then I support you all the way. I don't know how far Bulgaria is from EU. But if it is more than a thousand kilometers away like you mention and you are only 18 you can't blame your parents for being worried about going so far to meet your SO.

    I think you said it cleary when you say:

    "Also, even if I come out, how the hell can I tell them that I'm going on a week or two-long trip to another EU country to see my partner, whom I met online? Even if I trust him, they most likely do not. Not to mention they barely speak English, which would make things a thousand times harder."

    Your challenge here is to get your parents to trust that you are making the correct decisions. You say that his family knows about him and know about you which is great for his family (in particular his parents). Now wouldn't it be nice if your family (in particular your parents) knew about him so that they can be ok with you traveling so far away? I think we owe it to them to come out to them and to involve them in our lives. Coming out sets you apart from those that aren't, in that it says something about you as an individual. Its you becoming a whole person (or a MAN [in other words]) and this is important because it lets your parents know that they have done the best job they could do in raising you or your brothers. The ball is in your court so I would be very positive about coming out to them.

    Some things to consider:

    What about having your mom talk with his mom to get to know each other so your mom has some peace of mind. That is one small thing you could try to arrange. What do you think?

    Well, I wish you the best of luck and good luck with the 'rents :slight_smile:

    -Alex
     
    #2 alex408, Apr 26, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2013