I am in a very accepting place with family and friends and everyone. I never wanted to come out until a few weeks ago and I became very anxious to do so. I don't identify as gay and people do not question if I am gay, I have been aware of it long enough to hide it well. Quite a. Few months ago, I fell into a severe depression, unrelated to sexuality. It wasn't self harm or anything teens typically are doing. I had a genuine mid life crisis sort of depression and for three straight months I couldn't function. I got out of this depression on January 26 this year and it was a miracle, with it came an incredible, super human confidence with life. Out of fear that it could happen again, I decided to tell my parents and get a psychiatrist just to be safe. Two days ago I approached my session with some things that were on my mind and froze, as they were dangerously close to the matter of sexuality and I refused to continue, though it was causing great anxiety, because I knew the first person that should know this, one of my friends who is like no other. Yesterday I called her on a walk at night, and after about twenty minutes of dodging it, I said "So I'm almost home now, I'm walking up my street, I'm gay, and that's about it". My friend is indifferent and that's perfectly fine with me, it's exactly what I wanted. But it was what didn't happen for me that is stressing me out. Here I thought there would be a tremendous burden released from my back, but nothing. And now I'm out to someone I trust with my life, and I cannot go back, and no I only see the cons to this situation. I am torn between quitting the band program at my school in the first place, which is just another thing burning a hole in my stomach, and now the rate at which I am giving myself an ulcer, has doubled. Five days to another session and I am clueless on what is happening and where to go and who to talk to. I cannot find comfort in anything.
Hmm could you explain a little more? It sounds like what you're upset about is that you thought that telling your friend about your sexuality would release whatever tension you were feeling and now that you did it and the tension is still there you don't know what to do about it. Is that right?
Expecting relief may have played a part in you not feeling any. What I mean by that is, your friend was someone you knew you could trust. You knew it wouldn't make a difference so it's almost as though you had already told her. Though you may not conciously connect your anxiety to coming out to others, it may help to do so, unless you don't feel ready or if you feel unsafe. Maybe this tremendeous burden will take it's claws out of you if you come out to the people who may not be so indifferent. You should most defanitely share all these feelings in your next session, and possibly see if you can have them more often just for now. I hope this helps if at all (*hug*) rabbit
Essentially yes. I am only getting more and more anxious on top of other sources of anxiety that I am not handling well.
I had this exact thing happen to me...stress from multiple places (school in my case) as well as sexuality. I had that burden lifted off of my shoulders after I told my third friend. The first two were indifferent. My third friend was remarkably supportive and the weight was immediately lifted. Since, my anxiety and depression has been reduced significantly. If you have more people you can trust to react positively, go for it. Keep going. The weight will be lifted, eventually. Good luck to you!
