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Going In and Out of the closet and dealing with closet case homophobes

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by maskUlineboy, Apr 26, 2013.

  1. maskUlineboy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2012
    Messages:
    11
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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    In the last two years I've come out to several close friends and also was outted to a less significant group of friends by a jilted closet case (his mom would later send him to one of those "Pray the Gay Away" camps. I wasn't the only homosexual he was harassing, and he had mental health issues on top of it, Borderline Personality), and neither went too well. But oh well. I was able to find out who my truly open-minded straight friends were and I'm better for it.

    I recently did a semester abroad. As soon as I arrived to my living accommodations, I heard homophobic slurs almost immediately from my fellow American roommates and assumed my closeted identity (the worst homophobia came from a boy who was certainly gay, he would gay bash and his eyes would look around in an almost panic, I've seen it before). I started telling detailed lies about girlfriends and sexual encounters, fell into a deep depression and drank myself into oblivion. The usual.

    Will this fear of being open with my sexual orientation fade when I graduate and get away from immature minds, such as these boys that are struggling with their own sexual orientations and resort to gay bashing out of fear. Or will I be stuck in this pattern?
     
  2. Asari

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    293
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry this is what you're surrounded by right now. I can completely relate. I grew up in a very conservative home and was in a christian ministry up until 3 years ago. I felt the most confused about who I am and the most insecure when I hung out with the crowd I used to hang out with.

    It seems like the hardest thing for you right now is that you are making new friends and meeting new people since you are studying abroad. Did you just move in this new location? Often it is difficult moving somewhere new because you feel like you have to come out all over again.

    I'll also tell you that because they don't know you are gay they are probably more lax with saying homophobic things around you. When they get to know you some of these people might surprise you with how accepting they are. I had a friend who used to act like this around me but then I came out to her and she was more considerate. She actually ended up being my most accepting friend.

    I know it is hard hearing those mean slurs but you were brave enough to come out before and brave enough to keep going after all the horrid things people said to you then. You will continue to grow a thick skin. If you calmly overcome what these people say who knows you could actually help them since they are closet cases. Best of luck! :slight_smile: