So, I only recently came to the conclusion that I'm trans*. Still in HS, financially dependent on parents, not ready to transition yet. I'd like to stay in the closet until I can fully come to terms with it but the thing is, I really want to see a therapist to help me sort this out. I live in a fairly liberal family. Everyone knows me as a lesbian and my mom's developing into a supporter of gay rights. So when I do decide to come out, I'm not afraid of being retaliated against, but since no one's overly knowledgeable about trans* issues, I'm expecting a lot of awkward questions and "But WAIT a minute- You were really, really girly! You can't be a GUY!" Or worse, I won't be taken seriously whatsoever. And though I'd like to stay in the closet for a while, I want a therapist and the ability to comfortably transition one day. Can't have the therapist if I don't man up and say something. How do I come out and make it clear that my gender issues are legitimate?
Letters are best. You can explain lots about trans* issues, come out, and say whatever you need to say in one go. Another technique for dealing with awkward questions is a little thing called lying. These people are looking for peace of mind, so give them the answers they're most willing to accept, assuming they're in line with your goals. Maybe it sounds bad, but if you're family is anything like my pseudo-liberal family, you'll have to resort to lying just to be able to sleep without being hounded with questions. Your family may never understand some of the aspects of being trans, it is a rather difficult thing to empathise with for those who are not transgendered.
I was thinking the letter thing. Pair it with a cake done up like the trans* pride flag and smooth it over. Cake only gets you so far though. Well, thing is though, I don't want to wait until I'm a month on T before I say something. If I'm going to come out, it should be before I do anything drastic, if at all, and they'll find out eventually. Pretending I'm researching transitioning because I've got a couple trans* chararacters really, again, only gets you so far.
I agree with Hexagon. A letter is definitely the best idea in this situation. You can take your time and figure out what you want to say and how to say it, without anyone interrupting you. Fill them in on what Trans* means and explain your true feelings. It may take them some time to soak it all in afterwards, so you just need to be patient with all that.
No, I don't mean lying about being trans. I mean lying about the 10k awkward questions. The example you gave: saying you were too girly to be a guy. I don't know what the answer to that question is, but regardless, the easiest answer (and the one that will give them the most peace of mind) is to say you were pretending because you felt social pressure to conform. Its the subtleties of gender identity that a lot of people never understand, and while you obviously have to come out, trying to explain some of it will only bring you grief, and will never help them to understand. Oh, and be prepared for thousands of questions about your genitals. Its terrible.
Oh okay. Yeah, that's going to be rough. Especially the latter. "No, mom, I'll probably never get a dick, no I don't want to talk about my sex life, Jesus Dad this doesn't mean I'm a super lesbian- And you're sure none of you have ever heard about Chaz Bono?" But that I can do. Just give them whatever works, I suppose.
I agree with the letter thing. That's how I came out to my mom. She later wanted to talk about it a few days later.
Yeah, I never told my parents about the issues with genital surgery. I just let them assume it would all work out.
