Well I recently was in a relationship with a girl two years older than me. She had not had as much experience with dating the same sex as I did. She told me that she was in love with me (after about a year of being friends). I knew I had felt the same way... So we kept "talking" but we didn't want to ruin our friendship so we didn't date. Finally last November she asked me out. I called her on a friends phone, and told her that I would be glad to be in a relationship with her.... But what was going to happen with Pat (her crush at the time). She told me that she would just talk to him while dating me. I was just glad to be with her, so I didn't care. The next day she wrote me a message on Myspace, saying that she could not date me because Pat "wouldn't let her". I was crushed. I was on such a high from being with the one I had loved, and it all crashed in one sentence. I found out the real reason was because he had asked her out, and he told her to break up with me. Also, that he didn't want her "getting as much" from me as from him... "OKAYYY???", I thought,"that's it?" Well a few weeks ago she told me they were engaged. I know I will cry if I go to their wedding... I still have feelings for her.. but I can't be with someone who can just drop me like that. She wants me to be in her wedding as "maid of honor". I'm not sure If I can do it, but I definately don't want to leave her lonely (without a bestie) there on her wedding night. ANY ADVICE???
It seems to me its at the point where you need to be her friend first and crush second right now. Make sure she is sure she wants to go through with a wedding. If I'm reading correctly, shes 17? I think you need to be there for her first in that aspect, rather than a relationship aspect right now. It doesn't seem to me like she should be rushing into marriage, and this guy might be forcing it onto her as a way of "owning her". If thats the case, its not okay, and they both need to hear that from you. In my opinion, it doesn't sound like shes making her own decisions here.
I quiestion the wisdom of anybody getting married at age 17, but I honestly don't think you might be the right one to talk her out of it. Why? Easy - you're not a disinterested party. Any concerns you might raise can be waved away with "you're just jealous because you're getting left out". Feel free to have a frank talk to her - not via myspace, not via IM, in person - letting her know your concerns, but tell her you'll be there for her regardless. Lex
I know the feeling that you have and it sucks. The situation you were in must have been heart breaking. Do you really want to go to her wedding with that person that broke you up there? I know I wouldn't.
