1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My mom is making me very sad

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Canucka, Apr 28, 2013.

  1. Canucka

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Oh dear, oh dear,

    I have recently accepted that I am a lesbian and my coworkers know about it, but my family doesn't. I have dated boys in the past, but it never lasted for longer than 3 months.

    I have always been a bit of tomboy, but my family is very heteronormative. My mother, my sister and one of my brothers have always put pressure on me to be more "feminine", like wearing make-up, having long hair and wearing dresses. I tried to come out before by joking about dating girls because it wasn't working with guys. The reaction was a stern "don't joke about things like that". More recently, I have cut my hair very short (crewcut) and my mother had a hissy fit over it, saying stuff like "you'll never get a guy with a haircut like that", "appearances do matter" and "you look stupid like that".

    I think she suspects I'm a lesbian, but she doesn't want to accept it. I'm feeling very hurt by this, since I'm very close to my mother. What should I do?
     
  2. Jubalinha

    Jubalinha Guest

    First Im sorry you have being through all this.Being constatly criticized by your own family is a very hard thing to deal with. especially in this situation where youre not doing anything wrong youre just being who you are and thats actually great. its complicated to say if you should or not tell her. Would you be prepared for a very bad reaction? Wouldnt you mind living keeping your sexuality as a secret? Talking about my own experience i felt much better after coming out to my family
     
  3. Canucka

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Thank you for your support. I am kinda expecting a negative reaction after she freaked out like this over my hairstyle. The other thing is, I am planning to move very, very far within the year (5000-6000 km) for a new job, so I won't be seeing much of her anyway, so I don't know if it's worth creating tension if I am only going to see her once a year, if that.

    I guess I'm a little scared because they have never really accepted me for who I am. My mother doesn't like me moving far away either, and she keeps trying to convince me to move back closer to her. I love my mother, but I really want to make and follow my own path, rather than one she has chosen.
     
  4. Jubalinha

    Jubalinha Guest

    Youre welcome. I think its a good idea you moving out. You love youre mother but you have to make yourself happy. In case you decide to come out it will be better for you to deal with that living away from your family. In case you dont it will be good anyway. maybe one day they will understand. Two people of my family who rejected me when i came out are now ok with that. Some are still homophobic but i just learned not to mind about what they think.