Being gay and conservative

I was raised in a very strict religious household, however, it wasn't a totally negative thing, because I have very high morals and standards, and I am also 100% gay, and proud of that!!

You don't have to change, and should never change, being a moral conservative Christian, who is also gay! That is exactly what I am. My advice to you, speaking purely from experience of your situation, etc; is to never settle for anything less, no matter how lonely or how hard it is, in finding a man, that is the same as you, in relation to morals and standards. Good things come to those who wait, and the best way in dealing with the odds; is to always stay true to yourself, and set an example of being an authentic person, all the way through. People will always respect someone more, who knows what they want, and who won't bend their morals, for things that aren't worth it.

 

I was raised semi-conservatively and somewhat understand what you will have to go through, although not in the least to the same degree as yourself. However, I did change my political position in college from Republican to Independent libertarian (darn economics degree) so in a way, political affiliation can be fluid. This, by all means does NOT mean you have to change. Just ensure that your beliefs are yours, and yours only. Don't maintain a belief system for fear of alienating friends and family; this will only bring grief and disappointment.

Also, like you, I've always been afraid that I won't find the right guy for me because I have somewhat similar standards. But I take solace in the fact that gay men come in every size, shape, personality, and worldview. We may only see those "liberals" because they are the most visible element. If gay people were like an iceberg, the visible "parade-marching liberals" would be the tip of the iceberg and, submerged, in the shadows, would be a full spectrum of people whom you'd never suspect were gay.

Just remember that we live in a society where heterosexuality is the default so finding a partner will require that, to some degree, you "advertise" your orientation. Whatever way that happens, it will require you to come out to some degree (at least to the person you're trying to date). Also remember that the right guy for you may not be ready to come out to you for another five or ten years. In my limited, statistically insignificant sample, gays from conservative backgrounds tend to come out and seek partners later than those from liberal backgrounds.

While it may be naive to believe there is a perfect, 1 in 7 billion, match just waiting for us, there are thousands of potentially compatible mates out there. It's just a matter of time and effort (says the 23-year-old guy who's never dated).

 

First off, I'm happy to see I'm not alone. I lean conservative myself. My parents are very much so too in most areas. Besides with LGBT people, I have this issue at work. I work at two libraries and just about everyone there is liberal and wants to tell ME that I will grow out of this 'republican phase'. That really ticks me off, because I don't say that about their views. I am all for discussion and sharing opposing views in a civil manner but no one wants to do that, they want to tell me that I'm just wrong and young... So that's one place I feel alone as a conservative, the other, of course, is with my sexuality. All my LGBT friends are liberal and I fear anyone I meet to want to date would be the same. I'm not overly political, but I stand by my beliefs. I guess the way I deal with it is just keep my mouth shut when my friends at work are going on about things I don't agree with.

If I find someone who is liberal that I like, I hope that we can both be civil and try to look at each others point of views on things without telling the other that they are 'wrong'. As for advice, even if we are at a minority here, we are not alone. Don't let someones political views scare you away either. I have a FEW liberal friends I've been able to talk politics with and actually come to some common ground.

 

I'll buck the trend. I started out very conservative -- faith, religion, politics - and have become fairly liberal over the years. Not about fiscal stuff -- I'm with many mainstream conservatives there -- but liberal in terms of social issues.

I don't understand the disparity among many people with conservative politics -- don't want the government involved in the free market, in financial manipulation, etc -- but have no problem legislating the hell out of what I consider personal ethical issues.

Jay, I was a "young republican" at one of the most liberal universities in the US. And I made friends. I went to grad school, as an "evangelical" at another very liberal school. And I made friends, good ones!

Just like being gay isn't all that defines you, neither is your politics, your faith, your work.

And, btw, the one thing I've found that since I've come out -- there is absolutely no shortage of gay men around. We may be only 10% -- but we come together (! - no, that's not what I meant).

Date men you're attracted to. Get to know them, let them get to know you. Some differences will be hard to overcome. Others won't be such a big deal.

And your views might change. Right now you might think you want a man who is similar in terms of Catholicism. But I suspect, if you met a man who is moral, ethical, believes in a higher power - even if his practice of that faith is different than what you grew up with -- you both could make it work if the other stuff between you is good!

 

Yo Jay, thanks for commenting on my post. Obviously, we have quite a bit in common.

While I personally am very conservative on most political issues, ideological differences aren't necessarily dealbreakers for me. I suspect that in many cases, they wouldn't be for you either. I know a handful of gay Republicans and gay conservatives. Obviously we are something of a minority within a minority. That being said lets do the math here:

There are just over 100 million adult males. Assuming 5-10% are gay that's 5-10 million potential partners. About 30% of gay people vote Republican (I assume that percentage is higher for men, but we'll use 30%). That means there are 1.5 million-3 million gay conservatives in this country for you to find, even if you take out all the liberals (which again, I don't really see as necessary)

It's actually a pretty high number in absolute terms even if it is small relative to other groups.

Unclear as the search strategy may be now, I'm pretty sure people like you and I will be able to find who we need soon enough.

P.S. Thank you so much for your service in the United States Military. It means a lot.

 

I think it's possible there will be more political conservatives running around in coming years. A huge issue making so many of us liberal is just the fact that the Republican Party (the only viable conservative party in the US) has clearly despised us, and done everything possible to keep us stripped of rights. But it appears that this starting to change. While I guess I'd view recent support/talk of support for marriage equality being a political move, at least it's a step in the right direction. And if enough steps take place, more people in the LGBT community (particularly younger voters) might be willing to vote/support Republicans.

Even now, I know there are conservatives. I belong (marginally, now) to a hobby site that has a large number of gay men. At one time, a general forum area could be a blood bath as the conservatives fought the liberals. Even now, I can name screen names of guys who were gay, and rigid conservatives.

Beyond this, there is no absolute reason why a couple has to have 100% agreement on political beliefs. The only thing that's needed is a respect for each other. Incidentally, this is not limited to gay couples...one thing my mother used to laugh about was that at election time, my parents would vote. And basically all that happened was their votes canceled each other out.

A final thought, and I'll shut up: not only can differing beliefs coexist, but in some cases they can probably be a chance for growth and deep thought, as you hear arguments for the other side, and are forced to reconsider your beliefs, and vice versa.

 

I totally agree with this.

Overall, I don't see why someone would let a difference in opinion keep them from being with someone. Honestly, both sides of the table have their names for eachother. If anything, we definitely need to learn how to get along with eachother(Bipartisanship anyone?....) as well as respect both common and different ideologies. Which doesn't entitle liking them.

My issue is when some people go bat s*** with their opinion and it takes a negative effect on said group that they honestly know nothing about and others of equally blended ignorance and arrogance call themselves "Saving" or "Purging" the world of "Darkness." Side-Note: This pisses me off to no end because I am Black so I am dark. :tantrum:

Anyways, my point was you shouldn't worry. Don't let anyone attempt to "scare" you out of your beliefs, be they political or religious. As I like to say, "An Harm None, Do as Thou Will." Think I got that from something about magic, meh. Anyways, from my limited knowledge of Conservatism I know it holds various Family-based ideological values which is good. And having seen the worst of Christianity and the best, knowing someone believes in God affects how I socially approach them as much as their eye color does.....It doesn't :lol:

I would like to think people would know better about judging eachother but, Heaven Only Knows. :smilewave