So I am visiting my old boss and his family. As some of you may remember I am hoping to come out to him while I am here. He is one of the most accepting people I know. We just had a great one on one conversation about homophobia in some religious folks and both of our support of gay rights. I still wasn't able to come out to him. The timing couldn't have been much better, but I just couldn't do it. Ugh... :bang::bang::bang: I am still here for another day and a half, so I still have time. I just wanted to vent about my anxiety getting the better of me again. Hopefully I can muster up the courage in the next 36 hours.
It kind of sucks really. Even if the timing couldn't be more perfect and you couldn't be more sure that you'll get a good response, you just can't get those words out until something inside that you have no control over suddenly decides to go for it.
I did lock myself outside on their second story balcony this morning when no one was home. :eusa_clap I had to crawl down a 45 degree pitched roof and down a trellis to get back in. It was too cold to wait. Hanging precariously 15 feet up did fry my nerves a bit this morning. :roflmao:
I'm glad you were able to get in out of the cold! Don't feel bad about the missed opportunity. That has happened to me countless times. Its a lot easier said then done, and its not even easily said sometimes. I hope you find another chance to let him know, it sounds like you're ready. Best of luck to you!
I was in a situation with a friend that would have been a perfect time to tell. We were texting about how my parents were treating me after I told them I was atheist (trying to test the waters) and he told he he would love and accept me no matter what. I literally sat with my phone in my hand trying to hit the send button with the text "what if I told you I was gay" and I couldn't hit send. I still beat myself up over it and wish I would have...I think he wouldn't care... its just so hard. And with that said I could text him right now if I want to I just keep telling myself I need a situation like that again because It would be weird to randomly text him about it... Different situation but same boat :/ Its so hard to get past the anxiety and depression of possibly loosing someone you care about or getting a negative reaction.
Thanks JPC and Nikom for the reassurance. I was kind of hoping the conversation might turn somehow to the fact that I have never dated as long as he's known me, but I really was just making excuses to wait. Anomander, I hope you are able to overcome this anxiety. I often find myself thinking with friends and family when there is a long silence, "I am gay. I am gay. I am gay. Come on! You can say it! I am gay. I am gay. I am gay." Haven't been able to actually utter those words to anyone yet. Visit update: So tonight out of the blue, my old boss tells me I should stop in to visit his daughter's boyfriend's sister who lives an hour away because she apparently really likes me. We met once in a big group when going to see a musical over two years ago. I just kinda laughed and didn't respond. Awkward. I thought he was catching on. One day we'll laugh about it. "Hey! Do you remember that time you tried to set me up with Ann? When at the same time, I was trying to come out to you and your family. That was FUNNY!" One day left out here and my resolve is failing... Ugh.
Man, coming out is a bitch. It's the weirdest thing, how you can want nothing more in the world than to tell someone, but you just can't get the words out of your mouth and end up standing there with a deer in the headlights look. The only way I've ever come out to anyone was when I was directly asked by a friend... Life sucks sometimes, and it's hard to find the resolve to say what needs to be said. Hopefully the time constraint will help you out, maybe if you keep telling yourself that this is your last chance, you'll manage to say it. Good luck mate, I hope you can tell him.
Thanks Undercover Gypsy. Reading over this last situation, I think I need to clarify why I laughed at his suggestion. I don't want him to think I found it laughable that he was trying to help me out. I do appreciate him wanting me to find someone with whomto be happy.(Although misguided.) I also don't want my laugh to be mistaken as me saying, "Her? REALLY?! Ha!". Maybe that clarification will give me my chance.
Yeah i think that would make sense..talk to him about why u laughed and just explain that u thought it was funny that ur trying to set ne up with this girl and at the same time im struggling to tell u that i am gay. obviously easier said than done but i think it would be a good segway into the im gay convo don't push urswlf if u are not comfortable though...if u don't do it during this time frame its not a big deal...just cone out at ur own pace....but i would be very interested to hear the story if u do tell him lol...so do it!! lol good luck bud
Wasn't able to do it. Hopefully next visit. Funny enough, this was the text from him when I let him know I made it back home OK. "Great bud. Great to see you. Thanks for coming out." Made me smile considering I had told them a text I sent before the trip had been deliberately phrased as a double entendre relating to his daughter probably getting engaged sometime soon. Not reading anything into it, but it's just funny.
Maybe after the next visit he will send the same text but with a completely different meaning . I hope you weren't worried about it the whole time and that you were able to enjoy your trip.
