So, on Sunday night, I competely broke down and told my mom about "H" and how we used to be friends but since I told her I had a crush on her, she got freaked out and wouldn't talk to me. I have to say, out of all of the talks I've had with my mother, this one was extremely akward, we spent about two hours talking about how everything made me feel. However, my mom did offer some pretty good advice, about talking to "H", such as how I should just approach her and don't overthink my steps or that I should just talk to her to get this situation over with and move on to being friends with her. I was wondering if anyone had anything to add to this, any help is greatly appreciated.
I'm really glad that you're able to talk to your mum about this, and that she's offering you advice as she would if H were a boy! I think it's really good that she at least supports you, where your friend seems to have freaked out. I think you really do need to talk to H - do you know whether it's the you-being-gay or the you-liking-her that's bothering her? Is there a chance she's gay too and that this reaction is her way of not dealing with it? Whilst when you talk to her I don't think you should push the issue, I think you should say something like "I'm really sorry if I freaked you out but I'd really like to be friends again" or "Your friendship is really important to me and I'd really like it if we could just get back to normal". And, as (apologies for this) she either doesn't see you like that or is seriously closeted, also say something along the lines of - I don't know - "let's be friends in a non-weird way" or something. It's a hard call, but I think that if you just try and somehow communicate that you value her friendship or something... Have you tried talking her since you told her? If you haven't, it could be that time is passing and now she's not sure how to approach you, or what to say. My difficulty in giving you advice is that I don't know why she's not talking to you, whether it's because a) you're gay and she doesn't like gay people b) you like her, she's straight, and she's just a bit freaked or c) she actually likes you too/has sexuality issues of her own that you're making her confront. I expect that you know the answer more than I do. Sorry I can't give you more specific advice! But I would definately act soon before time makes the rift larger. But I'm glad you can talk to your mum - talking to parents about these sorts of things is excruciating at the best of times, let alone when gayness is thrown in!!
Well, I know that "H" has no problem with gay people. I came out to her long before I told her how I felt about her. Personally, I think its a bit of B and C. She's very different from every girl at my school besides me (and not to play into stereotypes) she's very manly and kind of gives off the *gay* vibe. Also, I heard a rumor (NOTE: I don't believe rumors ). The rumor is that she liked a girl on the softball team (that she happens to be a member of) and a different girl from that team confronted her about it and she got really pissed off and quit talking to this girl all together. The one reason I think it's true, is that I heard someone ask "H" about it and she said "Yeah, she made me mad, so I'm not talking to her ever again". The extremity of her actions shows me that she doesn't hate me, because she'll talk to me every once and a while. UPDATE: Well, I really want to talk to "H", but I get all freaked out before I do it, so I chicken out and end up regretting it later. My mom now says that maybe I shouldn't talk to her. And, a mutual friend (sort-of, she's a bit of a bitch sometimes) says that "H" and I were never really friends. When asked if "H" said that, the girl replied with "Um, but she's new to the school". PEOPLE ARE SO CONFUSING Thanks for the help.
It sounds to me that H is not ready to face up to her bi sexuality or homosexuality. I would leave things be for the time being. If she is trying to sort out in her own mind her sexual orientation, you having a crush on her won't help, it might even push her further into her own closet. There is always a reason for a violent reaction, the difficulty is knowing these reasons, H may not even know or acknowledge them herself yet. Back off a bit. If you really need to say something to her just apologise, and tell her that you didn't mean to upset her and that you value her friendship and ask her if she is still willing to be friends with you. At least that way you will know where you stand and you won't be in a permanent state of wondering.
I should have clarified, I apologize, I liked "H" about four to five months ago. I told her how I felt in January. I backed off, until now, I don't like her anymore and I'm just more concerned about getting our friendship back on track. As for her being unable to cope with her own bi/homosexuality, I'm not really concerned if she's gay/straight/bi or whatever, if she is bi/gay I really don't want anything to happen between us. I just want her to be my friend again. Of all of the friendships that I've had, our friendship was the best one I ever had, and I don't want to lose it, not over this.
In that case there is only one thing you can do... tell her exactly what you have just told us. Oh, I wouldn't mention that you don't care if she is gay or not... might frighten her again. Just tell her that your friendship with her is very important to you and that what you thought was a crush a few months ago in fact wasn't and all you want is her friendship. Again a quick apology for telling her you had a crush on her probably wouldn't go amiss.
Thank you all so much, especially you, Louise. And if anyone cared, here's what I want to say to "H". Hey, "H". Can I talk to you? I just wanted to say that I don't have a crush on you and I just want to be friends again. Nothing more, and nothing less than friends. I'm sorry for anything that I may have caused you. I only told you because I felt that if I told you rather than you finding out from someone else would be better for you. And I'm very sorry for having a crush on you. I'm just asking for another chance. I just want to be friends again.
Not wanting to critisize, but I'm going to anyway... a bit too needy, a bit too begging. Just stick with simply : Hey, "H". Can I talk to you? I just wanted to say that I don't have a crush on you and I just want us to be friends again like before. I'm sorry if what I said upset you. Friends?. That way it is clear and concise without being needy. If H agrees to renewing your friendship then bring up your explainations if and when the subject comes up. Well that is just my opinion
^^ I think that Louise's slightly shorter version is best, as it's short, and to the point, and not too begging. I think that you're right to still want to talk to her, even though your mum doesn't seem to think you should anymore. If it all goes alright once you've said the above, I would also hold off on any conversations about homosexuality or your previous crush on her, because if she is having doubts about her own sexuality, that could freak her out and take you back to the beginning. But you never know, years from now you might get an email from her where she comes out to you!! But I hope you get to be friends again.
Thanks guys, I didn't talk to her yet. I'm a bit of a chicken when it comes to things like this. However, I asked to get my seat moved in my science class (the only class I have with "H"), because the girls by my seat are annoying as all hell. Well, I got my seat moved today. Ironically, I sit next to "H" now.
UPDATE!!!: Anyways, after getting called into the principal's office at school (along with "H") for arguing with a girl, I talked to "H". She said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be friends again. However, we have been making small talk and she even asked me for help in our science class.
Well the baby steps are good. In the future maybe you'll be friends again. Well done for talking to her!
Yes, congratulations for talking to her!! I think it's a shame that she seems uncertain about continuing to be friends though - but all you can do is make sure the friendship doesn't break up because of a lack of communication or effort on your side. But I wish you the best. Good luck!
