This is my first time on this site..I came out to my best friend today on May 1 2013..She advised me to join a website like such so that I am fortunate enough to meet people like myself who can help me solve my dilemmas..I am a teenager, 16 years old....I'm a Muslim who lives in Bangladesh, a small country beside India with two parents and a grandmother..No one knows about my orientation with the exception of my best friend who was pretty casual about the entire thing..Seems that I'm the one who made a big deal about all this..As far as I am concerned, I've been attracted to girls ever since I was in Kindergarten..I didn't even know what homosexuality was back then...The feelings started out as something innocent which transcended into something intense....I have been attracted to a lot of the girls at school but I hid it..I've only fallen in love once..I'm still in love secretly with the same girl who is sadly heterosexual.......But even if she was'nt, we could never be together......Because of my Religion, my Society, my parents and basically everyone else I know...So I've decided to hide in the closet for the rest of my life and marry a man who I will not love at all because my parents and my entire family expect me to marry a decent guy and reproduce.......Most importantly, I'm barred by the religion I so blindly follow...If I display my homosexuality then my parents and family will disown me, my country will send me to prison and my Creator, Allah will send me to Hell after Judgement Day...I have tried so hard to fight my homosexuality and tried so hard to pray it away but I can't.I have accepted the fact that I was born this way and will never ever change, God made me this way.....But at the same time I have responsibilities as an only child to my parents and as a Muslim...I have always made my parents happy, by getting straight As, being on the honors roll, having a variety of extra curriculum activities,by being polite, decent, respectful, by getting into a prestigious college at a young age and by obeying their every command..I know they love me with all their heart and I love them too but they have a zero tolerance level for homosexuality..They define it as a disease and a hormonal issue when its clearly not..Hurting them is the last thing on my mind, BUT SHOULD I REALLY PUT THEIR HAPPINESS IN FRONT OF MINE??? I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE WHAT TO DO NEXT....I KNOW COMING OUT WAS THE FIRST STEP AND IT HAS TAKEN ME MORE THAN A DECADE TO COME OUT...I NEED HELP...I'M DESPERATE..I'M USUALLY A JOVIAL AND A HUMOROUS PERSON BUT I CAN'T HIDE THE FACT THAT I'M IN TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF EMOTIONAL PAIN AND TORTURE ANYMORE..I WOULD HIGHLY APPRECIATE IF SOMEBODY, ANYBODY COULD HELP ME OUT........I JUST NEED ANSWERS...
Welcome to EC! You're in a very difficult position - no question. And it's difficult to give very good advice from my vantage point, as I'm in a much different culture than yours. My parents are also quite religious - both are Christian, although different sects, and are very active in their respective churches. But they never placed any demands on me other than to live the best life that I could. When I came out to them, they had a sleepless night where they talked it over, but they ultimately decided that I could live much better and happier life as an "out" gay man than I could closeted. And I honestly think that they were right. I'll simply give you my thoughts. It's my personal belief that if God/Allah exists, He doesn't make mistakes. There wasn't a mishap on the assembly line when you were created. You've said you've been attracted to the same gender since as long as you can remember, and I believe that. If so, that means God made you like that. I have no idea WHY God made you gay, but God apparently did. Therefore, you definitely shouldn't think any less of yourself because of that. You were made correctly just like the rest of us. You live in an area where alternate sexualities aren't just frowned upon but illegal. And your personal safety is paramount. Therefore, coming out probably isn't an option. If you have (or get) more friends who are as close as the one you already came out to, you might consider coming out to them at some point, too. But again, as long as you're in that area, you should consider your safety the biggest priority. Should you consider marrying a man? I guess that depends. I don't know enough about Bangladesh. Is there any option of you leaving? Getting somewhere where being gay-and-out IS an option? If you're especially good at computers or some other skill, you may be able to find a way to get to another country. Again, I don't know enough about your area to know if this is a viable option. If nothing else, this site can be a place you can turn for support whenever you need it. Lex
I agree with Lex. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way - many people do. Is there a way for you to live somewhere where you could express yourself more freely? I guess that is one option. I dont know what to say other than always feel free to come here and vent. You will eventually find a happy path, just make sure to grab the support you need to get there.
Hi there! I, myself, am a christian and whilst Islam and Christianity differ in many ways, there are so many similarities between them. We worship practically the same God only under a different name! Try to remember that God/Allah has created so many different people. He created white people, black people, asian people, people with disabilities both mental and physical. He's created so much diversity amongst the human race. Why would He stick to creating simply one sexual orientation? It must be very difficult to face prison. Is there any way you could move to a more accepting country like the USA or the UK? Both have some prejudices still, but a majority of people will welcome you. People aren't sent to jail for their diversity. It must be difficult now because you are still young, but in time you'll have the opportunity to be true to both yourself and to God/Allah. Hope this helps
Thank you:all of you, for your words..They are comforting and its good to know that there are some people who are being supportive although those people are not my loved ones; I'm glad anyway...I'm fortunate to have found this website. Yes I am going away to college in the United States in about three months so that should play to my advantage..But I will be visiting home from college during the summer and winter hiatus...Even if I do come out when i'm in college, i will not be able to come out to my parents..they love me, they have given me everything and I'm now obligated to them, for as long as I or they live....Religion and the Law are not the issues anymore...ITS MY PARENTS..All they want from me in return is that I should have a successful career, marry a decent guy and give them a grandchild...Now I can give them a career and a grandchild, its the "marry a decent GUY" part that i can't accomplish.....And i know for a fact that they won't understand....They both think that being gay is a hormonal defect, one that can be cured either by a priest or by meds...its an IDIOTIC belief and it offends me..You have no idea how many times I have tried to get my mom and dad to understand through the examples of others that being Gay is not a choice.its just something people are born with....They love me but they are both very narrow minded when it comes to this topic and they get angry or change the subject whenever i bring it up.......... The last thing that I want to do is hurt my parents.....All of you are right when you say that God made me like this, I cannot change who I am and honestly, I don't want to change who i am...I know for a fact that i decided not to come back to my country a long time ago.....But I am hell bent when it comes to making my parents happy and even if it means that I have to HIDE my sexuality for the rest of my life and marry a random guy of their choosing; I'm ashamed to say that I would...I am their only daughter after all and I wish that there was a loop hole through which all of us could be happy together......but the ultimatum is EITHER THEIR HAPPINESS OR MINE.......and all my life I have been partial to their happiness over mine, trying to be the perfect daughter.....They keep telling me that once i go to college, I should remember my roots and culture and NEVER EVER CHANGE...I'm afraid that if i come out to them after i go to college, they would think that going to college has changed me...So my only options are COMING OUT NOW OR COMING OUT LATER.....the problem with coming out now; They will probably be very angry and disown me.....The problem with coming out later; they will think that college has changed me and will not let me return to college and resume my education......... God knows what i did to deserve this cuz i got no clue.... ---------- Post added 3rd May 2013 at 10:19 PM ---------- Thank you so much for your advise..I truly appreciate it...It helps.. ---------- Post added 3rd May 2013 at 10:20 PM ---------- Thank you for being supportive....
If your parents truly love you, they'll continue to love you after you come out. They may not support homosexuality, but love is something a sexual orientation can't just destroy. Also, you never know. Perhaps finding out they have a gay daughter could help open their minds to the idea. If religion is really important, tell them you believe you were made this way by Allah. Tell them that by being true to yourself you're being true to the creator. Just, please don't marry a guy to try and appear "normal". You'll do far more damage to yourself than coming out. And remember to stay safe.
If you're going to be moving someplace where you're safe, why not be happy? I feel that even though you desire to be a good daughter and marry a man to make your parents happy, you will be miserable. It won't benefit you in the long run. I don't know your parents, but I truly believe that most parents are happiest when you are happy. Maybe they won't approve of your homosexuality, but they love you, and if they see you truly happy, then they might possibly be content that you've found a person that can love you the way you deserve to be loved. And yes, please stay safe.
