I don't know if this is the wrong forum, but I found it while browsing the internet and felt like sharing a story. Please feel free to move and/or delete this post. For info, I'm a straight male. Three or four years ago I had female friend who didn't come out to me, resulting in hilarious shenanigans where I almost asked her out until I realized she had a girlfriend. My reaction at the time was a) Well, considering my luck with women, I should've seen this coming. b) What if I hadn't figured it out? How awkward would that have been? c) You do know you could've trusted me with this information, right? You do know that I'm not a homophobe, right? Stumbling on this forum reminded me of that episode and got me to thinking about what would happen if a close friend or family member came out to me. I am smarter and wiser now. My reaction would be 1) You will always have my love and support 2) See 1) 3) See 2) But still inside I would be hurting thinking of all the pain that my friend/family member went through that I couldn't do a thing about because for all this time I didn't know. The moral of this story? The moral of this story is that I felt like sharing it. Maybe also that your not-homophobic friends won't kill you for coming out.
Hi and welcome to EC It is always good to see a "straight" person commenting on a predominantly lgbt forum such as this. As you said in your post,you are now a little older and wiser.I hope this answers part of your wondering why "your girl" or any of us are not completely out.To put it simply,the longer we wait to be out,the older and wiser our circle of friends become and just as you,they get to be more understanding and accepting. I really like this part of your post. 1) You will always have my love and support 2) See 1) 3) See 2) But still inside I would be hurting thinking of all the pain that my friend/family member went through that I couldn't do a thing about because for all this time I didn't know. I would say the with an attitude like yours,you could still still help any friends/family still in the closet.anyone wanting to come out will be listening to every word you say,they will pick up any gay related thing you say,they are basicly working out if you are a safe bet to come out to.If you make it known amongst your family and friends,that you are accepting and supporting of "gay/bi" people and nothing would change if anyone came out to you.Anyone in the closet and wanting to come out would be overjoyed to realize they have someone with that type of attitude within their social circle that they could talk to.You may find that you know more gay/bi people than you realized!!
That's a nice little story. Maybe if I had someone like you in my life when I was young and impressionable I wouldn't be such a bitter adult.
Hey, it's great you could join, if only to pass by with a story. I do hope that you come around again though A good word of advice is that whilst your LGBT friends will come out eventually, they'll come out when they're ready and are comfortable with you knowing. A general good thing to do, not just so they know that you're an ally, is to talk about LGBT issues (recent same-sex marriage laws recently passed, that sort of thing) with your friendship circle. It'll let everyone know you're accepting and if one of your friends is LGBT then it'll likely confirm to them that you're a good person to confide in when the time comes.
Well, I think you learned a very interesting thing about empathy here. You expressed some worry that you weren't told. The reason we don't tell you is that we're completely terrified. Armed with that information, you can actually get people to come out to you in the future. It starts with making your support for LGBT* people pretty vocal. For example, if you're in a group of people you just met, and the subject of conversation is appropriate, you can speak highly of a gay, bisexual, lesbian or transgender friend or family member, or simply mention your political support. That will let anybody else know that you're safe. When we're not sure if someone is safe, we tend not to say anything. Solidarity, Adrian.
