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Held with a Friend coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Friend, May 2, 2013.

  1. Friend

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    Hi

    I just joined to get some advice. A friend let me stumble across something that confirmed my belief that he was gay. I don't care that he's gay but was very angry he let me find out the way I did and that he hadn't told me directly. I was very distant with him for a few days but have now calmed down and realised that maybe him letting me find out in the way I did was his way of telling me and it was easier for him than speaking to me.

    I don't know what to do now. I'm sure he knows I know but I don't know whether to continue as if nothing happened or if I should bring up the subject with him and let him know it's ok, I don't care.

    Any advice would be appreciated. I want to do what's best and easiest for him.
     
  2. Hefiel

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    "Life goes on", in other words, you don't really need to act any different than you were prior to discovering his sexual orientation. A good suggestion would be to tell him that if he ever wants to talk about it, you'd be happy to listen to him.
     
  3. riahf

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    Just to clarify, how did he let you find out? I feel like there's a difference between accidentally leaving something that you stumbled upon and doing it intentionally and therefore they deserve different outlooks on how to proceed.
     
  4. Friend

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    Riahf, I don't want to go in to too much detail but he basically give me something to read and knew evidence (for the want of a better word) would be among it.
    I wasn't completely surprised but my first reaction (I'm ashamed to say) was "how could he let me find out like this".
     
  5. Hefiel

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    Don't take it too personal. Coming Out, even to someone you know will accept you, is still pretty difficult because it's a secret we've been holding onto for so long and there's a lot of anxiety and fear attached to the coming out process.

    There have been people who've come out to families or friends through letters, some through cakes, some face-to-face, some have been dropping hints left and right, etc. That's just our way of "protecting" ourselves or at least to reduce the impact, I suppose.