I've been thinking about coming out to my mum mainly because I don't want my parents to be the last to know. However, there are two things I want advice on: is it necessary to come out (before a relationship); and how to come out. She's quite liberal, but I do worry that there's a difference when it's your child, and that it will be a bit of a shock. There's also the fact of my age (twenties), my straight relationship history, and the fact that I always only ever talk about men. Although, when I was a young teenager my parents did ask me if I was gay. I said no, don't be ridiculous. I have since then, including as late as last year, *spontaneously* offered the information that I'm straight and have never been attracted to women, whilst discussing homosexuality with my mum :eusa_doh: But my parents only ever discuss men in relation to me, anyway. I'm not thinking about it straight away, but I am introducing the idea of coming out to them in my head. What is the best way to come out to parents? - should I wait until I'm actually in a relationship with a girl? As in, it's not an issue until then, so why bring it up? But then, I'll be even older, and it may be more of a shock? - Is it best to make hints every now and then, and then come out? So that it's not such a big shock? - Is it best to do it in person, casually, so as not to make a big deal of it? Or would that give no time to know how to react? - just wait until I next get asked the "anyone special" question again? - How about over the phone, casually? - I don't want to make too big a deal, even though it is a deal - I think email or letter is a bit formal I think my parents will be ok with it, although there might be some trouble with my dad, but I think he'd get over it. I think I'd take my mum's advice on that one! But part of me feels it's not necessary - I'll just cross that hurdle if/when I get a girlfriend. But then would it get more difficult?
I think its better to tell them before you get a girlfriend. That way the gf isn't involved if their is any type of conflict. Hopefully by the time you do bring a gf home, they will have gotten over that initial shock and can welcome her into their house with open arms. I think anyway you feel most comfortable telling them is fine. Some people communicate better face to face and some do it better in writing. The most important thing is stop talking about men and telling your mom you are straight. This is just going to cause more confusion.
Since, in the past, your parents asked you if you're gay, it means they probably wouldn't have a problem with you being bi if you told them. However, if you're not completely sure if you want to come out to them, don't do it *yet*. Wait on it, and see if you get more certain. If you feel you would rather wait until you're in a relationship with a girl, then do...it might help you to have someone with you who can be there for you when you tell them. Dropping hints can be helpful because (like you said) it means it'll probably be less of a shock when your parents find out. How you tell them is up to you. Since you don't want it to be formal, as you said, probably don't do it by letter or e-mail. As you think they'll be okay with it, I'd say tell them face-to-face but if their reaction's different to what you expected, give them some time to cool off and talk to them about it later. If you think your dad might be a problem, come out to your mum first so you can have her support when you come out to your dad. Good luck, whenever/however you do it!!
Thank you - I think you might be right Becky, about coming out before I get a gf - as this could be years (or never), and will therefore end up being more of a shock when they do find out. Plus I hadn't really thought about how then she would also be involved, and it would a kind of double-shock, as in, they have to get used to it in practice before they've thought about it in theory. Plus I *really* don't want them to be the last to know, which if I wait until I get a gf, could well be how it turns out - however they react, they deserve that at least. I think maybe the me wanting to get a gf first is because then they could see that I was serious, and because it would force me to come out, whereas at the moment I've only just started to think about it. I haven't discussed men too much recently (except occasionally ones I *do* like, although that makes it one-sided), it's more in the past - but I have to somehow wade through all that misinformation (although I wasn't out to myself so I wasn't lying to them, just myself). But I think I may just stop discussing them altogether, and if I get asked, say something like "It's complicated". I mean, as they have asked me before (about a decade ago), my favourite scenario would be for my mum to ask me outright again - because I refuse to lie when asked straight out, so would now say yes. So maybe I need to drop enough hints? But what hints?? Just like "she's really pretty" or, when asked about relationships, I say something like "it's more complicated than you think" and stuff like that? What are "I'm gay" hints?? Oh I don't know!
^^ I think that rainbows would totally pass my parents by!! :roflmao: Plus I don't actually live with them, so a slow process for when I see them...
still get some rainbows. it would be a good idea to tell them when you go and see them sometime when you are ready. i told mum over the phone as i knew she would be cool with it being a lesbian and all dad and nana i meet up with at different times to tell them as i felt it would be better for them that way. i think that when the time comes that they will be better about it if you say it to their faces. hope that helps
