I came out to a few of my closest friends, but I found out when I came out to a friend (this week), that the first person I told told her already, and I don't know who else has been told. Another of my friends (whom I have no intention of telling) has been acting a bit strangely around me, which makes me think she may know. The problem is that she's a blabbermouth, and might tell anyone if she knows. I'm not ready to be out, and I'm terrified. Should I confront the friend who spilled the secret in the first place, to find out who knows? I don't want to start a problem, but I think I might be outed within the next week or two to my entire school, and I really don't want that to happen.:help:
Try finding the original person who said, and try sort it out from there, maybe ask her why she did it?
This isn't what you want to hear, but basically, it's a done deal, and everyone will know if they don't already. People in middle school and high school tend to be incredibly gossipy, and anything such as "dirt" about someone's sexual orientation is going to be major "currency" for gossip. So yes, unfortunately, the damage is already done, and there's really no way to put the genie back in the bottle. Even if you were able to confront whomever told somebody, it's gone way past that by now... news like that tends to travel at lightning speed. The best thing you can do is just own it. I know you aren't quite ready, but perhaps you're more ready than you realize. It will be uncomfortable, awkward, maybe a bit embarrassing, but ultimately, there's *nothing* to be ashamed about, and the way we cure shame is by owning and talking about it... shame can only exist in darkness, and dissipates immediately when brought out into the light of day. I would find the friends you know you can count on, and ask them to support you and have your back. Ultimately, things will be OK, you may just have to endure some crap and teasing for a while. I'm sorry this has happened, but I promise you'll get through it OK.
I so agree with Chip. It is unfortunate that the person your first told is not that reliable however they can redeem themselves by giving you friendship and support at a time when you need it. You will need your friends to help you through this, so do not be afraid to ask them for that help. I can promise you that it will get better and your sexuality will probably only be a seven day wonder. They will soon find something else to gossip about. Good luck and be brave. As Chip said, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I am proud of YOU having the courage to come out in high school. Its tough but you will also not have to deal with all the issues later on that come with hanging out in a dark closet for decades...... I agree with Chip & MapleCross. OWN IT! Be you! Hugs Rose
Yes, own it. Far better to out the correct information than to allow gossip run wild. Ever play "telegraph" where one person is told a secret and it is quietly passed through all the kids and what comes out the other end is bizzar? Gossip plays out the same way. Only way to manage it is to release the info yourself without distortion.
I agree with everyone here in that I don't think you will be able to deal with your friends yourself and keep this under control. However, there are definitely other ways. My friend told one guy a few years ago, and it turned out that this guy decided he was going to tell a few people from the group. So, my friend actually went to my school's guidance counsellor, who immediately took anyone who knew my friend was gay out of class individually and inconspicuously, and told them that if they were to tell anyone else without my friend's permission, that they would be immediately expelled. It worked wonders, and my friend eventually came out on his own terms. But then again, my school has a very good support team, and the guidance counsellor is on the ball when it comes to things like this. So: there are ways to get around it, but it all depends on the set up in your school, and such and such. Do you think you could approach your guidance counsellor, or maybe approach a teacher you could trust with this? And just to add to it: yes, I suppose it's better in the long run if you come out now and "own it". But everyone who said that above does seem to be a bit older, and while I would literally pay to hear the wise words that all of them have to say about so many issues and experiences, I think that they may just be a tiny bit removed from what it's like being outed at fifteen. I think if you have the chance, it's better to come out on your own terms. Yes, you can come out on your own terms right now, but if you do have the chance to control it until you're more ready, I think that's even better. It doesn't sound like that it will be long before you're fully ready anyway.
