I think I should come out to my friend/roommate, but I don't know how she's going to take it. She wants to buy a new place when our lease ends and she's inviting me to come along and rent a room from her, which would be the perfect setup since getting my own apartment would be expensive. Essentially, she would be my landlady and this changes things a little. She's pretty religious (I used to be too) and even though we've been friends for a few years, she might not be comfortable with living with a lesbian or bisexual. What if I want to bring a girl over? What if I start dating someone and she wants to spend the night? These are things I think I should put out there now so that if she's not comfortable, we can part ways and I can find another apartment/roommate. The thought of actually having this conversation with her makes me ill. Much like a marriage proposal, I've never come out to someone who I didn't think would react positively. Even then, it was hard. My gay friend is convinced that she'll be okay with everything because she likes him a lot and he's gay, but I think that's not a good indication. He's a man and he's not living with her. Also, despite being for gay marriage (although I sense that she's more indifferent to it than "for" it, as long as it's not happening in a church), she has made a comment about gay people going to hell. Her family really likes me and I know they aren't going to be happy with it. That saddens me, but there's nothing I can do about it. tl;dr Summary: I'm afraid to come out to my religious roommate, but I think not saying anything will cause drama down the line and I don't want that. Any advice?
I'm in the same place right now actually (or will be as soon as I move to a new town/new house in August) - I'll be renting a room off of a family friend's daughter and her husband and I have no idea how they feel about gay people. Ideally, the best thing would be to tell them before hand but then I may end up without a cheap place to live while I'm going to school there. Telling them after I move in with them, or bringing my girlfriend home without warning, may cause drama/tension which may spill over to other relationships that are important in my life. I figure she may be fine with it so long as I don't bring anyone home (she has two young children) and doesn't see anything happening. It's a tough situation, that's for sure. My advice would be to, as hard as it is, have the conversation before agreeing to move in - otherwise, as you said, it will cause unpleasant drama down the line. Now for me to go take my own advice...
It may even be beneficial to have the conversation before you move out in the first place. While a roommate =/= landlady, it's still a better indicator than just telling a friend/acquaintance. The main issue with her being your landlady is the living arrangements - so long as she's comfortable with living with you as a "gay" person, it should work out okay. The other issue is that you pay her rent, but ultimately that's just business and can be solved with a properly laid-out lease or contract. I'd suggest you pull her aside, maybe ask if you could go grab a coffee or go for a walk or something. Explain to her that you're gay, and while you do value her as a friend, you're concerned that she may not be comfortable with your sexuality and it may affect living together in the future. Honesty is usually the best policy in these situations (hell, coming out is just another facet of "being honest"), so I think the more you can lay out the whole situation and talk frankly about it, the better it'll be for both of you in the long run.
Yes I think you should definitely tell her. So you don't have to worry about bringing a girl over, if you ever do, and not have to have that conversation with your roommate then or the next morning. Might be very, very, awkward. To some people sexuality is a huge deal and people may feel hurt that you've been lying to them 'all this time', and your relationship could be strained if she finds out without you telling her. She might really surprise you and be totally okay with it. You say she's for gay marriage, and even if she does feel indifferent, I think you don't have anything to worry about. She sounds like she'll accept you. Also, if she doesn't and kicks you out because of it, it probably would have benefited you to tell her in the beginning. wish you the best!
Thanks for the advice I'm planning on telling her in the next few weeks because she's about to start looking at places. I want to make sure that we're all good to move forward if she's making a decision based on whether or not I'll be renting from her. I'm concerned that if she doesn't take it well, it's going to be awkward around here. Our lease isn't up for a few months. If she's okay with it, then we're free to move forward I guess we'll see what happens!
