I know I asked for help coming out to my school as a transguy earlier, but I was recently faced with the reminder that my parents wouldn't approve. I came out at the start of december, and it's been a little under half a year since then. We had a huge fight about it, and then they refused to talk to me until they knew more about what I was trying to say (not out of my mouth, of course) but since then they haven't brought it up and they've just been sending me to a therapist. She's nice, but I can tell she doesn't know a lot about transgender people and she's against me coming out, so she really hasn't been doing me a lot of good. The only time my parents have brought this issue up is when I changed my name on facebook to the one most people know me as, Ben, and the only thing my mom talked about then was how much changing my name hurt her. Living every day as their daughter in a body I hate is getting to be too much. Do you think it's time for me to try talking to them about being trans again, or do I need to give them more time?
You could start by telling them you don`t feel that you are getting anywhere with your therapist, and that you`ve heard sometimes changing therapist can be a smart thing to do. That way they`ll know that you don`t feel the therapy is doing you any good. You could also talk to them about how you feel without raising the topic of you being trans, like tell them that you are feeling overwhelmed and that things have been very difficult for you for a while now, and that you are struggling with coping with everything. By that you let them know that you are hurting, and they might themselves be able to connect your struggle and pain with the fact that your life isn`t the way you need it to be. Sometimes people react better when they have to connect the dots themselves. Telling someone they need to accept you, often is less affective than letting them know you are hurting, and them seeing that their lack of acceptance is hurting you. It`s a slow approach, but if your parents are not very responsive to what you have tried to tell them, the slow approach might work better, because you trigger their emotional buttons, rather than telling them how to react, if that made sense? Sorry, I am not in my best explaining mood today. Regardless, it`s how you feel that matters, and remember that you are not hurting anyone by simply being who you are and honest about it. Your mother is hurting herself by not accepting the truth, and her protest at your name-change is simply because that makes it harder for her to keep up her denial. So, don`t let those small emotional jabs get to you, and remember that your mother is responsible for working through her emotions, and if she cannot do that it will hurt her as well as you. But you have your own emotions to deal with, so don`t take responsibility for hers.. *hugs*
To me the plan would be getting your parents also to see a therapist. My mother when we didn’t get along had us go to therapy when she found out the problem was with her things changed somewhat. You need to get a therapist more suited to your needs. I don’t think anyone would trust a therapist their parents picked out for them and a good one would be very supportive of what you are going through.
