How to come out in a way that's not so confrontational.

I get what you mean! I want to tell people I'm gay, not just slide it randomly into conversation! And telling people straight to the face is just, I don't know, it's like some massive declaration that is really confronting. I wish there was a way of saying it directly without making a massive deal out of it :/...I guess just letting you know that others definitely feel the same!

Hmmm, I don't think you should look at it in cowardice, if it's what you need, big deal! Maybe if you worry you could maybe get him to bring it up in conversation with particular people you worry about telling.

I know for me, I want to tell my best friend but I'm terrified too! I was thinking of asking another friend who knows, to maybe suggest it, and say that they think I'm gay. However, when I do tell my friend I know I'd also end up telling him the set up Which I guess isn't too much of an issue.

 

When I was coming out, I didn't want to do it confrontationally either, because it seemed really awkward to me. But then after thinking it through, I came up with these reasons on why it worked well (for me):

- I guarantee I have the other person's full attention
- I can make sure to do it in a private place, if I ask them beforehand
- We can discuss anything that needs to be discussed then and there to "clear the air"
- By it seeming less "casual", I show them that they're important enough to me to make a point of telling them and that I am definitely not kidding around
- Let's be serious here: at that point in my life, being gay in general was awkward. No matter how I brought it up, it would've been hella awkward either way (for me)

That's just my two cents on the matter, but I understand the want to do it not in person. I think the big selling point for me was that I wanted to do this "without regrets", and for me that meant gathering some courage and telling them in person. I ended up telling all of the important people (friends, housemates, family) in person, and am still quite proud of myself for having gone through that trouble.

 

One more point to BudderMCs reply; I've been told more than once from the person to whom I have come out, in a more or less formal manner, that they were honoured to have been trusted with this news...It somehow made it all the more real.