Hi. I'm bisexual and have been since I was 12 I'm now 25. I want to tell my mother but its hard. I know she will love me no matter what but she doesn't believe in bisexuality, she thinks you are either homosexual or straight and bisexuals choose to be this way. I don't know if she will support me and I'm scared to lose it cause she's the only one who has supported me. Plz give me advice
It is heartening to hear that you were strong enough to insist on your bisexuality since you were 12! :icon_wink Don't be defensive, you must attack! With knowledge that is indisputable. If you show your mother a serious book about human sexuality your mother can still claim that she doesn't believe that bisexuality exists. Because your mother loves you she will not decline your wish to read A SINGLE BOOK that helps her 'to understand' you better. She must promise to read each and every page!And please don't tell her in advance which part of you she will understand better. Only then you show her the book that has 752 pages: :icon_wink Bruce Bagemihl, Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity, New York 1999 She can begin with part II (263-655), A Wondrous Bestiary: Portraits of Homosexual, Bisexual and Transgendered Wildlife. Of course this part begins with the the Bonobo or Pygmy Chimpanzee (pan paniscus), together with the Common Chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes) our closest extant relative: “The bonobo is popularly known for its high levels of sexual behavior. Sex functions in conflict appeasement, affection, social status, excitement, and stress reduction. It occurs in virtually all partner combinations and in a variety of positions. This is a factor in the lower levels of aggression seen in the bonobo when compared to the common chimpanzee and other apes. Bonobos are perceived to be matriarchal and a male's rank in the social hierarchy is often determined by his mother's rank.” Bonobo - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Once your mother has finished the first part she is in a much better position to understand your and her (potential) sexuality. If she is a loving mother she will then get down to part I of the book, but if she is already convinced that BISEXUALITY EXISTS she can postpone studying the first part. Most male animals who show homosexual behaviour are bisexual. Most. Full stop. If she reads the details of what happens in the animal kingdom she can forget everything she “knows” about sexuality. Because the diversity of animal behaviour is breathtaking! I take the Greylag Goose – which is a bird and not even a mammal – as an example because some zoos have signs that inform the visitor that birds have long-term relationships like humans, falsely insinuating that animal behaviour resembles our normalised behaviour. Greylag Goose: “Behavioral Expression: Homosexual pairs made up of two ganders are a prominent form of pair-bonding in Greylag Geese. Male couples are stable and long-lasting: some have been documented as persisting for more than fifteen years, and most homosexual pairs (like most heterosexual ones) are probably life-long partnerships (Greylag Geese can live to be more than 20 years old). Most heterosexual pairs are also life-long, but in many cases gander pairs are actually more closely bonded than male-female pairs … Frequency: Homosexual couples constitute a significant of pairs in Greylag Geese: an average of 14 percent of pairs in some populations are same-sex, and in some years this proportion can be even higher, with more than 20 percent of all pair-ponds consisting of ganders. Orientation: Some Greylag males in gander pairs are exclusively homosexual, since they remain in a monogamous same-sex pair-bond for their entire lives (or re-pair with another gander on the death of their partner). Other males, however, are bisexual: some copulate with a female while remaining primarily bonded to a male, while others are involved in bisexual trios. Still other males alternate or switch between female and male partners over their lives – for example, ganders in heterosexual pairs sometimes find a male partner after the death of their mate. More than half of all widowers re-pair with a bird of the opposite sex, less than a third remain single, while the remainder form homosexual bonds.”(479–482) If you (or your mother) want to learn more about human sexuality in general I recommend the Stanford lectures of Professor Robert M. Sapolsky, a primatologist and neuroscientist, author of “A Primate's Memoir: A Neuroscientist's Unconventional Life Among the Baboons”: “I joined the baboon troop during my twenty-first year. I had never planned to become a savanna baboon when I grew up; instead, I had always assumed I would become a mountain gorilla. As a child in New York, I endlessly begged and cajoled my mother into taking me to the Museum of National History, where I would spend hours looking at the African dioramas, wishing to lie in one. Racing effortlessly across the grasslands as a zebra certainly had its appeal, and on some occasions I could conceive of overcoming my childhood endomorphism and would aspire to giraffehood. During one period, I became enthused with the collectivist utopian rants of my elderly communist relatives and decided that I would someday grow up to be a social insect. A worker ant, of course. I made the miscalculation of putting this scheme into an elementary-school writing assignment about my plan for life, resulting in a worried note from the teacher to my mother.” Robert Sapolsky - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Robert Sapolsky: Human Sexual Behavior I (1:41:43) 15. Human Sexual Behavior I - YouTube Human Sexual Behavior II (1:40:41) 16. Human Sexual Behavior II - YouTube Human Sexual Behavior III & Aggression I (1:36:42) 17. Human Sexual Behavior III & Aggression I - YouTube Magnus Hirschfeld Archive for Sexology This website claims to be the world's largest (non-pornographic) website on human sexuality Entrance Page Archive for Sexology: Online Books and Dictionaries Books Human Sexuality, An Encyclopedia. Edited by Erwin J. Haeberle Original editors: Vern L. Bullough and Bonnie Bullough Humboldt-Universitt zu Berlin “Ford and Beach, in their cross-cultural work Patterns of Sexual Behavior, found that 64 percent of the societies they studied considered bisexuality normal and natural. These societies expected, approved, and even prescribed bisexual experiences, especially for males. … Bisexuality is not exclusive to humans; it is found in species throughout the phylogenetic order and thus is a constant variable in life. Evidence indicates that humans are born with at least a bisexual potential, although even bisexualism has been seen as limiting to human sexual experience (see Eroticism). Humans, unlike other species, are born with a panerotic orientation potential; bisexuality is that part of the orientation involving other humans ...” Humboldt-Universitt zu Berlin The International Encyclopedia of Sexuality, Volume I - IV 1997-2001 Edited by Robert T. Francoeur IES Vol. I-IV Growing Up Sexually. World Reference Atlas & The Scripting of Sexual Development Growing Up Sexually Wayne R. Dynes (ed.), ENCYCLOPEDIA OF HOMOSEXUALITY Originally published in 2 vols. (1484 p.) by Garland, New York, 1990 Encyclopedia of Homosexuality Erwin J. Haeberle,: THE SEX ATLAS. Revised and Expanded, 1983 Contents Wayne R. Dynes, Homosexuality: A Research Guide Originally published in: Garland Reference Library of Social Science, vol. 313, Garland Publishing, New York, 1987, 853pp. Homosexuality: A Research Guide Wayne R. Dynes, Homolexis Glossary, 2008 Homolexis Glossary “Biphobia, a term modeled on homophobia, is a fear or condemnation of bisexuality, reflecting the belief that only heterosexuality and homosexuality are genuine orientations and appropriate lifestyles. Bisexual persons may also be the target of homophobia from those who consider only heterosexuality appropriate. The reverse can also occur, in that bisexual persons may be the objects of heterophobia or discrimination by some gays/homosexuals.” :icon_wink Wayne R. Dynes, THE HOMOPHOBIC MIND Wayne R. Dynes: The Homophobic Mind Erwin J. Haeberle, Critical Dictionary of Sexology Critical Dictionary Archive for Sexology: Papers Papers Erwin J. Haeberle, Bisexuality: History and Dimensions of a Modern Scientific Problem (The article first appeared (in longer form) in E. J. Haeberle and R. Gindorf (eds.): "Bisexualities - The Ideology and Practice of Sexual Contact with both Men and Women", New York: Continuum 1998, pp. 13-51): Humboldt-Universitt zu Berlin “The repeated, and now probably final, deconstruction of the categorical triad "Homosexuality - Bisexuality - Heterosexuality", the disappearance of this concept and of all concepts derived from it in the recent sex research literature, the current attempts to address the old questions differently and with a different vocabulary, must sooner or later also have consequences for scientific and professional practice. … Concepts like "homosexual" and "bisexual" would only cause unnecessary confusion here and therefore are always scrupulously avoided by today's sexologists. In other words: The nineteenth-century concepts are today no longer used in either epidemiological or sexological research. Neither are they used in sexual counseling or sex therapy, and they should also be abandoned in sex education, sexological training, and continuing medical education. On the contrary, it is precisely the training of experts that should sharpen the critical consciousness about the dubiousness of traditional labels. Not until physicians, psychiatrists, psychologists, educators, sociologists, lawyers, criminologists, epidemiologists, theologians, and silence writers have broken the habit of using these labels will a much-needed sense of reality with regards to human sexual behavior return to our society.” We know neither you nor your mother and your style of interaction. YOU should be the expert not for primates but for your mother. I don't think she is too old to learn something new; you should never underestimate people. Don't be defensive or aggressive. Relax and be patient like a good teacher. Take it easy. It's just sexuality, a wonderful pastime not only for bonobos. :icon_wink
Thank I feel a little more confident to tell her now I can use some scientific facts. This will probably help a lot
What if you simply came out to her as "not-straight"? She will almost defiantly ask you what that means, and you should be honest with her. But dont attach a label to it yet, and let her aclimate to the idea. Im sure if she is accepting and loving as you say she is, she will love you no matter what. Big hugs,
If she asks for the straight facts, try this: "You're bisexual all the time. It doesn't change whether you are currently dating a man or a woman." It's a pretty popular saying I found on some bisexual support pages, FB or otherwise.
