I want to but I don't. But confidence advice?

Hey there,

Having courage is doing something that you are afraid to do. So you don't need confidence, just a bit of courage one day. My suggestion? If you can't do it in person (I can't), text your closest and most trust worthy friend one day. Say you want to talk when they're not busy and tell them the truth. When I told my friends I said, "I think I'm gay, but I'm not 100% sure. I like guys, not sure how I feel about girls and am struggling with it a bit." Made no difference to my friends and I'm sure your friends will be cool with it too.

My advice with everyone on EC is honesty. Don't come out as something you'll regret, just as what you are. True friends won't care if you say "I'm gay" versus "I'm a bit confused", and you'll feel good for telling them and being honest at the same time. Nobody ever said you have to label yourself.

Like I said, my friends all know I look at guys yet still can't say the words "I'm gay". And they're cool, because they're friends. Also, when I told one of them, he literally thanked me for telling him, as if it was an honor. He was grateful to know. Keep that in mind. If they're really your friends they'll love you.

Hope I helped! I rambled a bit but there's some advice in there. Good luck and keep us posted

 

That's the problem. I'm not in high school and my friends go to different colleges so it's not like them telling anyone where they they matters to me. Made my situation a bit easier. At the same time, the three buddies I told I trust a lot. I was a bit afraid of their reaction (we're very masculine. play street hockey and basketball and soccer every time we hang) but knew I wouldn't lose them. Turns out they didn't care!

I think when anyone comes out their is always a risk, but you have to do it. Find your friend you trust the most and start there. This whole thing is about trust. If they react poorly than honestly, fuck them. If they spread it around, you know you can't trust them. I hope that's not the case though.

Not to deter you, but if you're not comfortable coming out, you don't have to. There will be time later for relationships and what not. Feel free to take your time, it's all up to you. I'm just some stranger on the internet.

But if you want to come out, by all means....go for it!

 

Listen man I understand it is pretty challenging coming out. I just recently came out to my parents and I am 19 years old. I dont fit a lot of sterotypes either but people accepted me and understood, and they wont think your joking. I mean I love working on cars for example, I love football, I love watching rugby. Hell I dont even have gay friends (not that I actively dont want one, more just that interests always differ). But trust me it was a massive step. But the confidence part will grow with time. I can still remember trying to tell my best girl friend the first time. It was the hardest thing in the world. I tried so many times and it just wouldn't come out. But once you do let it out it gets easier and easier. And its hard to always be 100% sure of anything. Trust me I still question myself from time to time (mostly when drunk) haha but sometimes. The fact that you are making an effort and thinking about it should be a message to you already. Don't rush the process take your time. Im tired of reading hearing people say to get it over with. You have your entire life. Do it when your ready. I didn't come out to everyone until this year. And my parents pretty much forced it out of me.
Good Luck Buddy!

 

I always tell people I'm pretty sure I'm gay. For short I'll tell people I'm gay but if its an actual conversation and not a random comment I explain that I'm gay as far as I know. If someone will accept you for being gay they'll accept you for being not sure. If they don't accept you for being unsure they probably wouldn't have accepted you anyway. Really it makes no difference.

 

Haha awesome. Thanks man! Yeah, my parents are pretty conservative/homophobic, so I don't see them forcing it out of me anytime soon. I kinda wish I knew that they would be more accepting. But for now I think I might just tell one of my friends.[/QUOTE]

I strongly recommend doin that. Telling a good friend is great cuz it really gets something off your chest. I suggest you tell someone you trust and know you will be accepting. Guy or girl doesn't matter, unless of course your closer friend is a girl. But if its a guy dont' sweat it, he will still be your bro. I was so scared telling my guy friends I played football with etc. But turns out they will love you, well some lol others will be typical meathead dumbasses..

And the whole parents thing.... My parents were the same way. We go to church every weekend (used to go but dont see them every weekend since i started school) My step dad is the most conservative person I met. He is super anal who honestly is very homophobic and thinks he's right cuz he is a doctor (idk do all docotors think their right.. seems so) Well so I thought. I mean we would be watching modern family and when the gay couple came on he would make us change it... Or if there were gay dudes holding hands he would no joke have us walk another way or comment something rude. But he actually brought it up to my mom, and thats how they confronted me. They noticed how sad I had been the last few months and they were worried. When something about homosexuality would come up he would say its a chosen lifestyle and it was wrong. But over the last few months he has kinda given up, he talked to my mom and after realizing I probably was, they asked me if it had something to do with school, or maybe my sexuality and I told them yes. They support me and love me so much and have told me to be proud and if anyone gives you shit (quoting that) honestly kick their ass (Physical violence is never good boys and girls but seems to get the point across quite quickly lol) TBH they probably have a hunch, all parents kinda know. Even no matter how hard you try. And I get it your scared... I mean hell I was too. They pay for my school, buy my clothes, pay my credit card bills, pay for my gas. Hell he wasn't even related to me and he has bought me 2 cars. (well leased one and bought my car now) So i get it, we have a lot to lose, but listen my friend start small and eventually its gonna get easier. Trust me!

Good Luck buddy keep up posted!