So I'm sure that this has been asked, but I just haven't been able to find it/them. My brother, who if you've read my earlier posts has not taken me being gay well, constantly threatens to tell my mother (who does not yet know). He's been a lazy, self-centered douche to me, my family and our friends for quite some time now, and they're starting to notice. The issue is that I know he will tell everyone that he knows that I'm gay if I just piss him off enough, and today he came close to doing it because I forgot to bring the home phone downstairs and he had to go upstairs to get it. So he bitched about that and called me un-responsible (hypocrisy from him), a jackass the F Word about a million times. Oh, he's also a violent person who has used his strength to his advantage before. Whenever he threatens me, I just tell him to basically piss off. So what, do I deal with this, come out because of fear or confront my Mom for the 50th time over this. I won't stoop to his level and I can't beat him up, so now what? Thanks in advanced guys and girls.
How do you feel about people knowing? I don't know if people are accepting of gay people in your life, but if they are then I would come out before he can out you. At least that way you steal his thunder and take away everything he is holding over your head. I honestly don't see any other option, it seems to me like he is a ticking time bomb and he would out you sooner or later, better you do it yourself and take the joy he is getting from all of this away from.
Hi, Had a similar situation at age 13. My best friend R and me had fooled around sexually. When I started to befriend B he told me that unless I dropped B as a friend he would tell B about the sex. I was being sexually blackmailed. So I told B about the sex myself and the situation resolved itself. Give your brother time. He may settle down in his 20's, but to diffuse the news you break it is my advice.
Well that defiantly is a shitty situation. :/ If you did come out it sure would take the control away from him, and like all bullies, once they have no controle they have no power. I guess you have to decide if it is worth being manipulated for the rest of your life or not. You probably should come out to your family and friends eventually, and in a perfect world you would have as much time as you needed, but sometimes you are less fortunate. When I was in middle school way back when, I had a really good friend that I told I was gay, and he told me he was bi-sexual, then after about a week he stopped talking to me and told the whole school that I was gay. At first I would deny it when people would ask me if I liked boys, and ignored their taunts, but I really quickly acclimated to the idea that it didnt really matter what people thought about me, and when people asked me if I liked boys I'd say "I think so," and when people asked me if I liked girls id say "I dont know, havent tried it" and that was that. Sure I got made fun of a little bit, but I also had alot of people that really looked up to my courage and I made way more friends then I had to begin with for being honest. Realize that you have the ultimate controle over your life, not your brother, and that you can always roll with the punches if you need to. Here for you,
Ouch! This sounds like a pretty shitty situation... I do not dare to give you any advice on this, but: - Do you think your Mom will be cool with it when she learns about you being gay? - Do you think talking to your brother about this (and maybe explaining why you don't want him to out you) would be of any use? - Had your relationship been good before you came out to him? Since you are twin brothers, I'd assume you were pretty close, but of course that doesn't have to be true at all...
Firstly, thank's y'all. Secondly, although I don't mind being out and want to be, I'd like to do it on my own terms, not walking in the door and being told "so your brother said you were gay". She would be devastated that I didn't tell her first, and that devastation would take already strained family relations and throw them down the crapper. Besides, being a Freshman in school with little to no diversity (racially or sexually) or any sort of knowledge on anything but White Christian People, being able to confront the situation and having relative control over the dialogue would be nice. Thirdly, relations have been strained for a while now. My mother and I are on the fence. You see, we have been bonding since my grandmother (who lived across the street and was basically closer to me than my mom) died last year, but he has been alienating himself for a while now. We didn't get along much better before I was out, so this attitude isn't really new. I think I'll use this to try to get myself to come out, not only is it time, but it takes the control from his hands as some of you said. Thanks for the advice.
Wholeheartedly agree with you that it is time to come out. Ask your mother for her help in keeping the family together if it goes okay and explain to her that you were very upset about the situation yourself. Good luck!
Your brother is being horrible. I think the best bet is to come out to your mum. It's a shut way to be forced to do it but I'd talk to her, butter her up about how much you love her, trust her and that you've never been this close and then lead into coming out to her! Tell her to keep quiet and not tell your brother! Then! Just don't do anything be says! I know revenge probably isn't the best thing, but try to get some dirt on your brother! Look up some gay porn on his computer and take a photo! Fight fire with fire! You don't necessarily have to use it on him, and you probably shouldn't. Just look at it like an insurance policy
You should beat him to it. You say you are ready to let your mother know, and if you're certain you are, then like you said, it's best to do it on your own terms. I have not told a single member of my family just in case this happens, although I would like to so very much. It's a shame that the people who are meant to be closest to us treat us the worst in these situations. If not, you could always try having a genuine conversation with him, and let him know what he's doing is wrong, and where you two stand, what effect this is having on you etc. Unless, of course, you haven't done so already. Best of luck with what you decide to do, and I hope it all goes well!
Grab the bull by the horns... Take away the threat and tell her yourself -- the sooner the better. This happened to me, too -- and there is NO WAY I would let someone else out me. Once I was threatened, I got busy telling people -- in person, on the phone, whatever it took. It's MY story, about ME and I was damned if someone else was going to out me.
