1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

So many signs... And so many questions...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by flight, May 7, 2013.

  1. flight

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    This is going to get long, so I apologize in advance and thanks for reading!

    I came out to myself about a month ago but I've known / had a feeling since I was 13 when a girl had told me I was gay and that everyone knew and walked off. Not wanting to conform to a label I blew it off and any feelings that I've had that made me gay were promptly buried. Flash forward 3 years and one complete and utter mental breakdown later, I was out of the closet to the counseling department at my school in March 2013. Progress right? Sort of. I don't know if I'm 100% gay but right now I'm 80% sure that I am.

    Now this is all going REALLY fast. During spring break I came out to a friend and he was totally supportive. Great right? Yeah it was pretty awesome! Now I want to come out again and I feel like I'm ready but I'm also a bit uncomfortable with it.

    A teacher, who I trust dearly is my next choice. She recently told me she was getting married and that I would be the only student she would tell. She told me that she felt bad about not being open with me about getting married which was sweet and now I feel like I'm withholding something. Mind you, she knows about everything that I'm going through minus sexual orientation. Should I tell her? We were talking about a teacher with a same sex partner who just had a child and she was pretty chill with it.

    There are a few more friends that I would like to tell. We all have some pretty long working relationships and are pretty liberal. Thing is we are planning a big summer vacation this year, would telling them make it awkward? My friend's boyfriend is coming on the trip and there's this other guy I might be sharing a bed and I'm not telling either of them. I'm just not that close to them, but we all worked on this one project so he's coming as well. Does telling half your group of friends make it awkward?


    The school is presenting me with options to go to a lgbt summer camp but this is all happening so fast I'm having a hard time understanding all of the emotions. This would also mean coming out to my parents which terrifies me greatly. It's not that they wouldn't be accepting, but we have a bit of a heated relationship and I don't want things to boil over. When is a good time to come out to parents? I know you guys can't make the decision for me, but from personal experience what have you guys found?

    Does anybody have experience with coming out to older Chinese grandparents ie in there 80s? They are pretty westernized, but I don't know if there are any Asian stigmas associated with being gay that may impact our relationship.

    Thanks everyone I appreciate your advice!
     
  2. FemCasanova

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2012
    Messages:
    1,113
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oslo
    Not sure how much this will help, but I`ll give it a go anyways. My GF is Chinese, and her coming out was a bit tough for her. Particularly the mother took it hard, as it in her mind meant her daughter wouldn`t have any children. Grandparents probably wouldn`t have the same issue, as they have already continued the family name through their children. From what I have understood through my GF, homosexuality in China is in a way accepted, but as something people don`t often say out loud. It`s a silent acceptance, in that if a person is umarried and older, he/she is probably gay, and that`s okay, as long as we don`t talk about it. She says at least that`s how it has been, and that not until recent years it`s been something more commonly talked about. Older Chinese people might still be stuck in the "that`s the thing we don`t talk about" thing, or, they might have caught up with time and gotten more used to the concept being visible. It`s hard to say, as one can`t really put everyone in a box and expect them to react the same way.

    I`m sorry if this isn`t exactly straight on advice, just what little I have gathered of information on the subject. The best of luck, in any case.
    *hugs*
     
  3. BlueBear

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2013
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Emerald forest of imagination
    If you decide to tell someone that is going with you on summer vacation I would do it at the end so if things don't go well your aren't stuck there in an uncomfortable situation. The teacher should be safe to tell from what you have posted.
     
  4. flight

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2013
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Canada
    Thanks to both of you.

    FemCasanova that actually helps a lot. I would rather it be silent acceptance than silent or verbal hate. At least it's acceptance and that's all I can really ask for.

    BlueBear, thanks for the support and it does make sense to tell them at the end of the trip.