Hi, I finally had the nerve to tell the man I was dating that I wanted to date women. It was hard to do and he tried to convince me at first that even if I was attracted to women that me and him could still make it work and that I might only feel that way because of my bad experiences with men. It was hard to do that to him because I still care about him and he would be the right male match for me but I havent had a chance to really fully experience dating a woman yet. I have only had minor experience. I know I am walking away from an awesome guy and it upsets me but I still want to walk away . I am wondering how other people have handled these emotions.:help:
A couple weeks ago I broke up with my girlfriend (who loved me more than anything) of almost a year. That night, I couldn't bring myself to tell her it was because I was gay, so I cited a list of other very plausible reasons for the breakup. After I left her, I hated myself and felt so guilty about it that three hours later I sent her an email giving her the truth. She would have blamed herself if I hadn't. I felt like I was hurting her enough anyway by breaking up that I couldn't add harmful lies on top of it. Since then, she's forgiven me for some reason. I definitely miss her but am more confident than ever in my decision.
Hi Sabinian, Thank you for sharing your experience. I actually created reasons to dump my ex hoping that he would forget and move on. Two months later he had not so even though I did not want to tell him just in case he told someone that I did not want to know, I ended up telling him yesterday. I should have told him earlier, I felt bad about that. I will just try to stay positive and let time show me why it was a good decision.
You have short term and long term issues to deal with. From your post your boyfriend isn't the right person for you now but that may not be the same in future. With just your posts on here all I can say is take it slow and be true to yourself. In my teens I helped a girl figure out she was gay but we also had a relationship on and off for two decades while I had the same permanent girlfriend which later became my wife. It wasn't a healthy relationship but until I went for therapy for something else I always went back. In therapy I figured out we both had been sexually molested by our opposite sex parent. She hated men other than her father and her sexual interest in me always had something to do with her father like in the car parked below his bedroom window. I just never noticed when it was going on. Sadly there was no point in telling her what I figured out. If she went through therapy she would figure it out when she could handle it. I got lucky the one I held onto in the end was the right one but I certainly didn't always believe that. That draw I had for the lesbian I mistook as love. She was upset when I got married which surprised me at the time being she was a confirmed lesbian for over a decade. In my case the baggage from my upbringing really confused me and until I removed it in therapy I couldn't see what or who I cared about.
Thank you Bluebear. I think you are right that it is best to take things slow and handle any issues. Im glad to hear that your choice worked out for you. It is comforting to hear these stories because it provides me options to consider to help myself. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to tell the future. It is definitely possible that therapy would help me to deal with the issues I have had with men in the past. It would also help me figure out what i want.
I am glad I could help. I just remember something my therapist said decades ago which was everyone is Bi Sexual in our subconscious which explains a lot. I picked her out of the phone book and she just happened to be gay and used to teach religion. I figured out she was gay and once a teacher but religion surprised me.
