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coming out to a father whos worst fear is his son being gay(im bisexual though)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Karmel, May 7, 2013.

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  1. Karmel

    Karmel
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    any advice would be greatly appreciated
     
    #1 Karmel, May 7, 2013
  2. Rakkaus

    Rakkaus Guest

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    Pretty sad that any child would think his father's worst fear would be that his son is gay...not that his child gets sick or injured or killed, or just feels afraid... but just that his son might fall in love with someone of the same sex. It's a terrible feeling really to think about. I do hope that's just your own fear talking though and hopefully things will turn out better than you think. What makes you think that is his worst fear?

    I don't know whether coming out as bisexual will make things better or worse than gay in that situation. While your father might not think it's as bad since you say you also like girls, that could be because since you have the choice he expects that you will definitely end up with a girl. Plus he might think you're just confused, or joking or something. Just be prepared for any curveball that might be thrown out you, it's tough to predict how a parent will react to a coming-out, but you know your father better than anyone else here.
     
    #2 Rakkaus, May 7, 2013
  3. Karmel

    Karmel
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    because hes always given signs tht he wants me to be straight, he flips out if im pickin flowers. i jusr dont want this space between us to exist and i know it exists because he doesnt know im bisexual im just.... really petrified to think of him reacting negatively
     
    #3 Karmel, May 8, 2013
  4. Chip

    Chip
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    More than likely, the reason you're seeing the response you do is because he already suspects. Remember your own process with coming to accept that you're not straight... if you're like most everyone, it follows the 5 stages of loss... denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance.

    So if your dad is noticing behavior, but not wanting to own that you're gay, he's somewhere between the denial and the anger stages, which might be why he's so strongly campaigning and making it clear that he doesn't want a gay son. It's a way of dealing with the fear and anger and hoping desperately that by convincing himself and you that he doesn't want it that it will make it so.

    My guess is... once you do come out to him, he'll be fine with it. Might take him a little while, but if I'm right, he's already processing it in his head, as much as he may not even be consciously aware of it. And, too, the fact he cares so much likely also means he really cares about you and wants the best for you.

    Remember that it took you time to accept yourself (and perhaps you're still on that path.) Give him time as well. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Chip, May 8, 2013
  5. ethereal

    ethereal
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    Considering your age, maybe it would be best if you held off coming out at the moment.
     
    #5 ethereal, May 8, 2013
  6. Argentwing

    Argentwing
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    I know my dad would wig if he knew I liked guys even a little. He wouldn't stop loving me, but it would disturb him fairly deeply. I just wish I could figure out a way to ask him why he feels the way he does.

    ^^Getting such an answer from your father might help your situation. I agree though that coming out to him before you're independent is not a good idea if you think he'll have a really bad reaction.
     
    #6 Argentwing, May 8, 2013
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