I am a non-op Female to Male Transgender dating a non-op Male to Female Transgender. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for over seven months, over that time period we have came out to each other, and we accept and love each other. But now she wants us to come out of the closet together...in public. I'm scared. I'm scared for her safety. I don't know what to do...is there someone out there? anywhere...because I'm torn...i don't want to disappoint her, but i want her out of harms way.
Hey, Charlie! :smilewave Welcome to EC. You'll find lots of support here. As for your question, I hate to answer it with some questions of my own, but I think by answering them you'll be able to get better advice as well as have a better idea on what you should do. First question, are you ready to come out of the closet? How do you feel about people knowing that you are trans? Do you feel pressured to come out? Second question, have you spoken to your girlfriend about your fears? If not, why not? Third question, what do you mean by "come out in public"? This could mean anything from coming out together over Facebook, to writing an op ed in the local news paper (for example, to raise trans awareness in your community), to simply walking out of the house in a dress. Fourth and final question, do your families both know you're trans? If not, do you expect them to find out publicly as well, or do you both plan to tell them before going public? Hopefully with a bit more information you'll get better advice, and I think simply answering the questions will help you get a better sense of how you'd like to solve the problem.
Okay those are all some very good questions, and I realize I posted this last night when I was panicking and I skipped over information. 1) No, I am quite fine with the closet. It's not that I'm scared of people knowing, it's that I'm scared of the more radical view points, which makes the safety and security of the closet so appealing. When it comes down to it, I don't fear being hurt, I have heard the horror stories of being tied to fences and much worse. I fear for my girlfriend. Because when it comes down to it, her wearing a dress will get more negative results than me wearing male clothing (suits, jeans, regular tees, and binding my chest). So I fear for her safety more than anything. She tells me she can take care of herself, and i would like to believe her, but if anything ever happened to her, i would never be able to forgive myself. 2) People knowing has a mixed impact on me. On my mother's side, we have Witnesses, Catholics, and other devoted Christians. All of whom "pity" anyone who isn't heterosexual. On my father's side a family disagreement has us completely disconnected. My mother knows of my transgender situation, and she does not want me coming out...ever. My father does not know, and hopefully it will stay that way until I move out, he doesn't believe in bisexuals or transsexuals/transgenders, he is open-minded to a certain point. A few close friends know of our situation, and they are supportive. 3) I feel pressured in the sense that she wants to do it, and I do not. I know for fact she will not be happy until we can be open about ourselves and drop the charade. But she is respecting my decision to keep us barricaded in this closet until maybe next school year. 4) She knows of my fears, she knows I fear for her safety. Her argument is she can take care of herself. Her father is the stereotypical redneck conservative, and her brother believes people like us should be shot in the head. Her home life is far from safe...and I can't protect her from her own family. 5) When I say come out publicly, I mean I would refer to her as my girlfriend in public. And she would refer to me as her boyfriend. We would be using our nicknames. I would call her Kelsey, and she would call me Charlie. 6) My father...i don't know what he would do. But chances are unless he bugs the school, he will have no clue. Kelsey's mom works at the school, so when the rumors hit her mother, she is not going to deny them. At that point i will most likely have to inform my father. Kelsey's mom is way more open minded than her father...thankfully. Thank you, Aldrick.
I don't know how close it is to your given name, but on the point of names, both of those names could be androgynous. My Uncle's current wife's given name is Carly, but she regularly goes by Charley. And, have you ever heard of the actor/comedian Kelsey Grammer? So, those names could work both in the company of those that you are out to, as well as those that you aren't (assuming they are somewhat close to your given names, or you are in the company of people unfamiliar with your given names)
Hey confuzzled82, No, the names are not similar to our actual names. You do have a good point though, as far as anyone has to know we just have "nicknames" for each other. Thanks, you have given me something to think about.
