Alright, so I've been out to my best friends for quite some time now. Over the past few months I've gradually come out to the rest of my friends. I've also come out to my brother and more recently my aunt and uncle this past weekend. I told my aunt because I trust her explicitly and we are pretty much best friends. Plus I wanted to get her take on what the rest of my family might say. I'm graduating from college this weekend. While I won't actually be entirely financially independent for another couple of months, I do have some savings to support myself until I get a job and I could find a transition job if I needed. And I have an apartment 3 hours away haha. So my point is, if I needed to take care of myself I would be able to. My parents expect me to come visit them at their house for a few weeks after graduation until I get my "big girl job" and move to wherever that may be. I can't handle being in the closet anymore, it makes me stressed out and upset and ashamed of something I'm actually very proud of now. On to the big question: anyone have any advice for breaking the news?? I have absolutely NO IDEA how my parents will react. I know it will be ok eventually, it's just gonna be getting to that point that is difficult. I have a few resources written down and a brochure thingy for the pflag website printed. Just wondering if anyone knew of any other resources that might be helpful that others have utilized. Thanks for sticking with me if you made it this far!! All help is much appreciated!
Do you have any idea how they feel about that sort of thing? Marriage equality, etc. Adjust how you tell them based on that. Ask your brother for advice, and take advantage of your aunt knowing your parents. I don't know how they'll react, so I don't want to tell you what to do, but I hope you get'r done. Gl<33 Keep us updated
I honestly have no idea how they'll react or how they feel about marriage equality or gay rights. I talked about it with my brother and he said he'd be there if I needed him there but that he didn't really know either. My mom used to make little comments about how 'gross' it was when gay people were being cuddly in public, but that was literally like 5 years ago and I'm hoping I haven't heard much else of the sort because she has become more 'open-minded' to put it politely. My aunt agreed I should tell my mom first then my dad, but she said she can't see my mom taking it super well. She figures crying, denial, the sort for a few days/weeks until she can accept it. I'm just hoping we can move from whatever their initial reaction is to acceptance with as little destruction and/or pain as possible. The rest of my mom's side of the family will be 99.9% accepting though, I'm absolutely sure of that. They're awesome. My dad's?? Errrrrrr, well I've always managed the role of black sheep despite the fact I'm a decent person, graduating with honors, doing everything I can to make them proud :/ So there really isn't much room for change haha Thanks for the vote of confidence I guess I know what I have to do, it's just trying to figure out the approach that is most difficult...
You have all the time in the world to wait. If you think it'd be better to wait until you're completely financially independent, wait. You always take a risk coming out to someone, but that's life.
Well.... I did it... It wasn't terrible. It also wasn't exactly pleasant. I was debating if I wanted to and my mom saw in my face that I was thinking about something I guess cause she asked if I was ok. I said fine and kept talking. I was leaving and she grabbed me and said "what are you thinking about?? you're not ok". I told them I had to tell them both something. My dad sat down and my mom asked if I was pregnant ( :eusa_naug ) I got a little teary but I think I got it out well enough and said everything I needed to say. We talked a little bit more, mostly my mom asked just a few questions (when did you start thinking this, are you sure, who else knows, etc) and my dad sat there super still and stone faced like always. She hugged me and said that she's glad I said something and that she loves me, and my dad just hugged me and said he still loved me too. Then I left and the next morning we got breakfast with another family member so they didn't have a chance to say something, even if they wanted to. My mom has sent me a few random texts like always though about various things, but nothing more has been said about it. I'm leaving tomorrow to go visit them for a week. My dad will actually be flying out for a job thing for the weekend so I'm not sure if my mom will bring it up or not. Like I said, not terrible. I'll celebrate after this week if all goes well, I just want to make sure they're actually ok with it now that they've been able to talk to each other and let it sink in i guess. It does feel so good to not have to pretend anymore! Out to all my friends, out to my immediate family, just the extended's to go. :eusa_danc
Good for you! But I can tell you of instances I've heard of where you've now told them but nothing more is ever said about it. Worse, a lesbian I know is practically married with her partner, but her mother has a very hard time even saying her partner's name! So I would urge you to continue the conversation, if it isn't happening, and discuss the implications (of which there are many you can discover right here at EC)...because many parent's natural inclinations will be to not talk about it...
Go ahead and tell them. Have to be honest about this sort of thing. Came out to my master a few months ago and it turned out he was gay too! Just relax and it will go fine.
Caution dear, make sure you get a job first. You've waited this long, you can stand another month or two. Then glitter bomb the shit out of them, you've earned it. (!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
Thanks for the update, the experience is not pleasant, but you have a huge weight off your shoulders, it now means that you have told important friends and family that you are gay so if anyone asks then you can be honest with them and yourself. I have had only one or two conversations with my parents suits me fine in a way but sometimes more things should be said, so best to keep the conversation going.
When I told my parents four years ago, it did not go great. One thing I'd do differently, that might help you - be very firm about what you're telling them. That is, that you're gay, that you've known for a while but been afraid to tell them, or whatever the case is. I tried to be casual, my opening line was something like "I've been seeing someone, and that person is a girl, and it's making me very happy." My thought process was that, maybe being less definitive will make it less scary for them. But my parents have clung to things I said in that first conversation and still try to believe this is just a passing phase.
I have been visiting my parents for the past few days. Well my mom, my dad is on a business trip. We had a log car ride today so in the last half I took advantage and asked her how she was doing with accepting everything now that its been about a week. She said she was fine and just had a few questions she had thought of. I also wanted to reiterate (clearly) that my future plans were the exact same, just a different person she has to picture it with. We talked it out and by the end of the half hour conversation she was telling me that whenever it comes time to not be afraid to bring around my girlfriend and introduce her, which I thought was pretty awesome progress!! I don't plan on doing so for a while, I don't wanna push too much on them too fast. But to know that said that makes me so happy. I asked if she and my dad had talked it out and she said it hadn't come up, but I mean that's kinda my dads general personality for ya. I'm so impressed and proud that she is so accepting. I'm so glad I went ahead and told them, I literally feel like I can breathe again around here. Seriously, thanks to all on this site. It's been a difficult two years and I feel like this is the beginning of me being able to be open and out to everyone and it feels AMAZING!!!
