I've been putting off telling my cousin that I like guys for quite a while now. I planned on doing it when I had a burst of confidence, but that just hasn't been me lately. I heard from my friend that someone in my school asked her, since she is my cousin, if I was gay. She said she didn't know. Then, my cousin asked my best friend, who does know that I like guys, if I was gay. She played it off like she doesn't know or anything and asked why. My cousin said that she realizes that if I was gay, she knows I might not even want to come out of the closet. And it upsets her that I haven't told her. From what I understand, she's a very open-minded person. She watches RuPaul's Drag Race...xD, and she has PLENTY of friends who are gay. I'm sure she wouldn't mind a cousin who was gay as well. However, I haven't just gotten up the courage to tell her. Maybe I'll tell her tomorrow, but until then, thoughts? Should I even tell her? Also, why would it upset her? Isn't that a bit over-the-top? I won't see her during the summer because I have to go to Houston this summer, and once college starts, she'll be at a different one. I mean, we'll keep in touch, but it won't be anything like daily talking.
When you come out to her, ask her why it upset her that you hadn't told her yet. It could be that she thinks the reason you have not come out to her is because you find her untrustworthy. It hurts when you think someone you care about doesn't trust you. Then again, it could be something else entirely. The only way to know for sure is to ask her about it.
I trust her with my heart, but you could be right. Honestly, she'll be the first person that is in my family to know. That's why I'm scared of her reaction. I was scared of all the people I've come out to reactions. They were fine, though. Maybe I'm just working myself up. I'll bite the bullet and do it tomorrow, though. It's more on my part than hers. I'll explain that to her, but I don't want to ...you know hint that I was talking about her behind her back.
I know how hard it is to work up the nerve to tell someone, even when you're 100% sure that person will be supportive. I'm sure you can do it and that it will all work out. Best of luck to you! :icon_bigg
Good luck! One thing you might tell your cousin if she's hurt is how hard coming out can be. It can be scary. And, I think, particularly scary with family, because they are people who have ties with us that generally last a lifetime. A casual friend takes the news badly, well, find a new casual friend. Not so easy with a cousin! I'm not sure of this...but I think straight people might not understand how hard this can be. It's funny, because back when I was in Deep Denial, my attitude was probably Big Deal when I learned someone was gay. Now that I realize gee golly whiz, I'm also gay!, I've come to realize how scary the coming out really can be.
I totally empathise with you, family are the hardest to come out to, but when they are Gay allies & support Gay people, that is half the battle & they are more likely to accept you, I agree with SimpleMan, your Cousin would probably feel hurt that you could't be open with her & would probably feel that you don't trust her, when you do finally tell her, you will be able to assure her that you do trust her & that is why you are telling her now
If she is upset about you not confiding in her, she'd probably understand if you say you weren't completely sure you were gay untill recently. You didn't want to come out & then it be a mistake -- it is hard for people to see you as straight after you say you are gay. They will always question whether or not you just got scared & went back in the closet. So say you just wanted to be sure about your preferences before saying anything & it wasn't about not trusting her -- it was about trusting your own understanding of yourself.
