Well first something about me.. I am a closet gay man in 30s. I am from the Asian sub continent and have been living single alone for 8-9 years. I have never dated a woman and been very secretive about my sexual preferences. Never had any sexual expirence till I was in my late twenties. Then I got hooked into online gay porn and hooking up with men. Realised I was going down the wrong lane so got myself in an addiction program. Currently I am sober but now don't know how to proceed with my life. I know I am gay but can't come out . Also I like older guys had two Hugh crushes with guys over 50. Also I am quite shy notinto any gay scene. I have tough making friends let alone finding someone for a relationship. I am tired of being single yet don't want to be someone just for sex. Where can I meet normal gay guys preferably in closet . Any advice guys.
Hi there, and welcome to EC!! I congratulate you on dealing with your struggle with porn and compulsive sexual behaviour. I am also in recovery from sex addiction, so I know how difficult this is. Can I ask why you can't come out? Your location indicates you're in Miami Florida - which from what I understand has a fairly large gay community. Why do you feel you can't be out while thousands of other men in Miami can be out? If you're in recovery, you know how important honesty is. Being open and honest with people is SO MUCH EASIER than living a lie and hiding. I think this is the more important question, rather than trying to figure out how to meet guys in secret.
Thanks Jim . Nice to hear from you. Well in my case there are several factors. First is my job I am living here in Miami based on my work visa. My stay here is tied to my job. By coming out I don't want to create any situation at work. My family is back in India are pretty conservative. The culture there is not accepting as here. So it won't do any good to them or me. So don't ask don't tell for now for me. My issue has been problem with my addiction . Being naive n no one to turn I used my addiction. Now I am in recovery n don't want to go back to my old ways. I am finding now in recovery how difficult it is to meet someone who wants relationship or clean sober friendship. I mostly have straight friends but I know it won't last long as I am always hiding about my sexuality. I am bit shy and rarely go to bars or places where you can meet other gay guys. I want to avoid online as it has got me into lots of trouble. Guess I am not sure how to go about pursuing healthy sexuality given my circumstances..
I really feel for you. Your situation is hard and I can appreciate your struggle. I think the best thing for you is to force yourelf into the community, I know it's hard and that being shy makes it even harder. But find some place where you can talk about this openly, it can be anything from group-meetings to a book club for queer people. Try to surround youself with people that is supportive and gay/lesbian/trans themselves. Then you'll have a much bigger chanse to find a way to live the life you where ment to live and to meet your prince. Being comfortable with your sexuality is crucial to live a gay life. I wish you he best
Thanks for your response but you didn't totally get my point. Although I like to be a healthy relationship with a man but someone who understands my Situation and hopefully in the same boat or at least okay with a partner who can't come out. My question is how do I go about forming such relationship. Guys in bars or other glbt gatherings are all out or wanna come out. I can't at least for 3-4 years till I get a permanent residence here at least. Mostly the guys I meet who are discreet are either married or partnered n just want to have sex. Is there any hope for closeted guys like me or should I take a vow of celibacy.
