Hello again, the ec community. I have a new thing on my mind that I would love to be discussed about. I will keep this short and easy because my other threads are usually too big and detailed. For anyone that has read my previous posts, might know that I became in despair and scared about losing my friends forever. But that's not the point of this post. I will explain what happened since my last thread, and come to the point. So my sister was out with our group of friends, and I was still sad and angry about them. But she came back home to pick-up something, and asked if I wanted to join them out. I decided to join them out, because I had nothing better to do. I joined because I had a faint hope that I would regain their interest and become good friends again. Everything went fine, we went to one of their houses, watched a movie and went home after. Now, they have invited me to one of the boys in the group's birthday party. I decided I should join, because I kind of want to and they would feel like I rejected them otherwise. The problem here is, that they are of course going to have alcohol there. And I have never consumed alcohol before. My worries is that, I will get drunk and come out unnecessarily. I want to try tasting the alcohol, but then again I don't. I will not be affected by group-pressure, because I am a fairly bright person and I know my limits. Many of them have been/are still good friends of mine, and there's only like 2 people there that I'm unsure of, and one guy I've never met. I've come out to about half of them, but the rest remains. Also, my sister is going to the party and she doesnt know yet. What do you think? Should I stay away from the alcohol? Should I not come to the party? I am very excited about going, but also scared. I want to let the secret out to all, but then again I am scared of the possible consequences. Anything and nothing could end up happening. cheers, and have a good day
Just ask if there will be alcohol and if there is tell your most trusted friend to make sure you don't get drunk I hope I helped
I am a seasoned drinker :lol: but I accidentally came out to one of my friends when I had had one too many. So my advice to you would be to maybe go to the party, but definitely take it very easy on the alcohol, alcohol tends to rid you of your inhibitions and fears and coming out seems like much less of a big deal after a few drinks. But not only because of the fear of coming out, also because it's your first time drinking. You'd be amazed how many people I've seen (as a bartender and as someone who is no stranger to underage drinking) end up a huge mess at the end of the night because they thought they could handle it but they couldn't.
I will take it easy for sure, I don't want to end up with a blackout or anything Asking one of my closest friends to keep an eye on me seems like a good idea My real worry though is that I am kind of hoping I do get kind of drunk, so I can come out, and then magically everything will be like a dream. But I don't want the consequences of it. I shouldn't really take advantage of alcohol for such a thing I guess.
You said that you wouldn't be affected by group pressure, so I would just reemphasize that you should not let yourself be pressured into doing anything you don't want to do. It's okay to be curious about new experiences and wanting to try it (i.e., drinking alcohol), but you can experiment without going overboard. If you really want to, you can drink a little. Another concern about drinking, besides accidentally coming out, is getting sick over it, having a hangover, throwing up...all of that is very unpleasant. I don't drink to get drunk, and I've never even been to a party. The one time that I did drink hard liquor was during a road trip with a group of old high school friends. I, too, was terrified that if I got too drunk, I'd let it slip that I'm gay. I took about four shots of vodka, and it was enough to get me very tipsy. I was sort of laughing uncontrollably, and everything felt a lot more emotional. I thought about something sad, and I almost wanted to burst out crying. Then my friend would say something remotely funny, and I'd keep laughing til it hurt. Other than that, I didn't say anything that I didn't want to say. It wasn't like I lost control of my speech, but my emotions just felt a lot more extreme than normal. That's my experience. Everyone handles alcohol differently, so just take it easy. Good luck!
I came out to 3 people once when I was drunk, alcohol tends to loosen your tongue Luckily they were good friends
Don't want to worry about coming out while drunk? Don't drink. Simple. No one will put a gun to your head to get you to drink, and anyone who pressures you to do so if you don't want to isn't a friend. So, so, so many of the problems people talk about on EC are a direct result of being drunk and making stupid decisions. But the first stupid decision is to drink in the first place. Don't do it, and problem will be solved. Besides, it can be really fun to be the only sober person among a bunch of drunks.
I second the dont drink recommendation. Drunk me really wants to come out immediately to the whole world. That would cause sober me to later have panic attacks and absolutely lose it. So going in to parties i know to just not drink. The alcohol loosens my tongue way way before im ever drunk. Ive had a couple close calls after only one beer. I had my only accidental coming out when drunk, luckily to someone very accepting. When in doubt, dont drink.
At least your thinking about it. my first night ever drinking is still a blur, but i remember it ended with me over the toilet, sleeping in my friends bathroom, coming out to him and having a discussion that i don't remember, but apparently had something to do with religion and me being gay with some of me not wanting to drink ever again. that was by far the worse, but i'd say if you don't want to come out, dont drink. Every time i've gotten shit faced i've come out to someone
I know how you feel. Every time i came out i was at least slightly drunk, and its at the stage now that i have no idea who knows and who doesnt. Alcohol helped me do it in a way because i had decided to come out and sober me didnt have the confidence then. I can become a very emotional person when drunk if i have something on my mind. It can really mess things up but i still do it My advice would be to drink nothing or very little. If you drink nothing they will respect that and you can stick to the soft drinks. However if you want to be seen as drinking, but not get drunk, an old trick of mine is to drink vodka mixed with coke or lemonade. That way you can remove yourself from the group and poor a very weak drink, or pre-mix it before the party. That way you are seen to be drinking but only consume what you want to. EDIT: because they cant see its alcohol strength. If you do drink, avoid drinking games at all costs. They are guaranteed to get you drunk.
1. I second the no drinking games idea (unless you can sneakily play with something non-alcoholic) 2. If you're going to drink, drink slowly and try to evaluate after each drink. It takes a while, 30-60mins, to feel the effects of what you've already ingested. 3. Once you're a little tipsy, stop drinking and have a glass of water. I know I'm a little tipsy when I have a nice warm feeling, I feel more relaxed, and everything just seems funnier. Getting more drunk than slightly buzzed is just asking for trouble, coming-out-wise. 4. Most importantly, definitely do not drive or ride with someone who's been drinking. If you're not staying there plan how you'll get home ahead of time.
Oh I've been there! It's very easy to reveal some big secret if you're drinking but often you only reveal something you secretly want to. If you feel that the time is not ready as I feel like you think then I don't think you'll be telling anyone about your sexuality just because you'd been drinking. But for me alcohol helped a lot when I was coming out to my friends. It made it less "I'm gonna cry and faint at any moment" and more fun. But be ready before you come out and never shwoop it out of you just because your feeling good and are drinking Good luck!
Thanks for the positive feedback the party is tomorrow, and I will definitely think about what I consume before I try anything crazy. As I said already, about half of them know, and half do not. I feel ready, but I also feel that I could back off if anything were to happen. It feels unfair that I have to watch my drinking because of this problem, but hey, that's how it is. I think the rest of the bunch wouldn't mind, but I don't know them too good yet. If I were to tell them anytime else, my half-way secret might be told off and I would be in a pinch. At that time, I dunno if I could handle it or not. Waiting at least until summer vacation seems like an appropriate thing to do. Getting in mental trouble while in my period of exams and such wouldn't be good. have a great day!
it's not just because of this that you should be watching your drinking. Everyone has something that they'd rather not broadcast to the world and usually that's what come out when you drink.
If you have never drunk alcohol it is hard to gauge. I knew a lesbian that was straight when drunk and used to come my window after the bar trying to get me to come out to take care of her. I regret never accommodating her on those nights.
If you've never had alcohol before, I strongly suggest holding off as long as you can (and ideally, never). The younger you start the more likely you are to develop a dependency.
I think that was a major fear of drinking with me, but I really do the opposite and dig myself deeper in the closet >.> Not even on purpose, it's just because I talk to my friends about their girl interests and I get involved in those conversations.
