Hello, I have only told one freind that Im questioning if im a lesbian, he took it very well and said he will support me, I only told him cause we have been such good friends for years. But I have recently became best freinds with another male who is extremely kind to me and keeps buying me gifts, a couple of weeks ago he told me he liked me and would like to be in a relationship with me one day, I really didn't know what to say to him, I really need to tell him im a lesbian but im afraid I will hurt him and our relationship won't be the same, im also scared to tell him because his and my family are close and his mother is a Jehovah's witness and she might disapprove of me, i wanna tell him soon but im going on holiday with him and his family in about a month and I dont want things to be awkward beteen us. Any advice and support would be great thanks, its really getting me down and my depression is getting worse. :bang:
That’s tough, & have been there & expect to be there again – as should you till you are all the way out. You will be in this position again, so let this experience teach you how to handle the next one. The world is what it is – we are not living in the dark ages where being gay is illegal (at least not for us), but we still face assumptions that you are straight till you say otherwise. As a girl, you probably struggle the most with hurting the guy’s feelings – because that is what we fear for ourselves. I don’t like admitting that I feel vulnerable to rejection, but I really do. Being an empathetic person, I’d never want to cause that kind of pain in someone I really cared about … as you seem to with your friend. Guys are different than us though. Yes, they can get their feelings hurt, but it isn’t quite the same as it is for a girl – at least not for young straight guys. I’m going to take a guess & say he likely won’t be mad at you or feel sorry for himself due to revealing your sexual preferences. I used to think they’d feel bad too until the 3rd guy I told – they all reacted with respect & of course asking stupid questions – but didn’t get mad or anything negative. The only slightly negative response I got was when one guy said at first he felt stupid for spending so much time worrying about being rejected because I may not like him – he was then relieved that I rejected him for reasons unrelated to him as a person. Just don’t say “it’s not you it’s me”. Worst line ever – because they will think you’re not being honest. When you tell him, ask him to keep it to himself --- that you trust him with this sensitive information & he could totally screw things up for you if he ever told anyone. Before you tell him, you have to ask yourself if you really can trust him. Has he ever been in a fight with someone (other than you) & tried to get back at them by doing something mean? If so, he will do that to you. He will out you faster than you can blink if you ever got in a fight with him. You need to know you can trust him even if he gets mad at you (for something else later on). If you fear he may out you before you are ready, don’t tell him – lie if you have to. Normally I wouldn’t suggest that, but you have to take care of yourself first. People have ruined some good relationships because of crazy/ignorant beliefs. A few things you might start off with if you can't bring yourself to trust him are: - I’m not interested in being in a relationship right now - I have too much going on in my life - I don’t want to ruin our friendship over something that might not work out long-term - Let’s wait a little while before we decide to change what we have going now. I like being with you, but afraid of losing you if things don’t work out.
Jehovah's Witnesses usually don’t have boundaries and generally will try to change you into one regardless of your beliefs. They also will accept someone who is gay but not active. You mention his mother is Jehovah’s Witness isn’t he one also? As he is trying to take a friendship into a romantic relationship it will be awkward even if he just wasn’t your type of man. If you tell him my guess is he will not respect your needs and keep pushing. I am basing that on having a Jehovah’s Witness parent but only you know what to expect. I had a Jehovah’s Witness friend for a few years but he couldn’t leave religion alone and that is all he talked about. I can’t picture a son of a Jehovah’s Witness not being one.
The best way to diss someone you don't like romantically but are good friends with is to tell him that you are a lesbian, then he won't think it's his fault and your friendship can reach a more secure level! I think you will be fine
Funny thing your story is like that. My best friend in HS (who I still am amazing friends with to this day) came over to my house one day when I was about 15 or 16, pretty much out of the blue, rang my doorbell and when I answered he said "I love you." I was a bit surprised but responded without much delay "I'm gay..." but I told him I love him as a friend and we've been very close since then. Granted, he's still in love with me, he has just "shelved" those feelings. Friendship is possible but you have to evaluate whether or not it would be more painful for him to be friends or if he'll be able to move on. For my friend, we've been integral support systems for one another for over 10 years now and though I know it pains him a bit emotionally, the idea of not talking to one another is worse for him. His family practically adopted me in HS so to me it would be like cutting ties with my brother if we stopped being friends. Just think your situation through and consider how it will effect your friendship in the long run.
Well I am always a supporter of sooner-rather-than-later Explain your deep appreciation for his kindness and caring. And explain that this has nothing to do with rejection, rather it is who you are and that can't change. It's not going to be easy no matter what you say, but I would definitely do it soon Foxface
I was in this exact same situation before I came out. I told my guy friend I am a lesbian and at first he was really heart broken. A week later he contacted me and told me he wants to still be my friend. My advice is the sooner you tell him you are not into him the better. I don't want you to rush into giving yourself a label if you are still questioning. You can tell him you are not into him that way and that if that hurts him he can take a break from you. It will be a hard thing to say but the sooner you say it the better. If you lead him on much longer you will probably get a bad reaction when you finally tell him.
