Lately I've been trying to see how my family feels about same-sex relationships and LGBT related topics, just so I know where they stand and their views about when I do eventually come out, which I hope is soon. I mean either way I am gay or bisexual (unsure, been thinking it over) because I know I'm attracted to men, so I guess it's better to know their stance and prepare. Anyways, so far the only people I know in my family who are accepting of LGBT are my mom and little sister for sure. In the case of my mom she is religious (believes in God, but has open views...sort of) but when my older sister mentioned her friend was gay, over the course of the conversation when the topic of religion + LGBT was brought up she mentioned how she felt that LGBT people deserve to be treated equal and that she said why would God hate someone for loving another person regardless of gender. Also she mentioned that if anyone of us was, well you know, in the closet that we shouldn't feel afraid to tell them and that they'll still love us the same. My little sister is pretty much accepting of everyone and when I was talking to her about the red equal sign on Facebook, she said she likes LGBT people because they're awesome (mentioning Ellen Degeneres :lol. Plus her and I are very close so I feel that she would still love me regardless of my orientation. Now for the last two members of my family. My older sister is someone who I would think is accepting of LGBT people as her friend is gay and she is pretty liberal in terms of equality and the like. So I guess I don't have a much concern with her. Here is my biggest obstacle: my dad. He is quite reserved about his opinions outside of arguments or heavy discussions. He is quite religious, once saying how can someone be atheist and then saying they need to believe in something. But during the discussion of my older sister's gay friend he didn't say much, but he did say he'd still love us although only after my mom asked him for his opinion. I'm afraid of his reaction because I haven't really been the model son to him by playing typical guy sports (but lately I have taken an interest in some) and having some feminine traits/interests alongside male ones. So I'm worried about ruining my relationship with him which has actually been quite well recently after a few years of not really being father-son-ish if you know what I mean. In general I'm also worried about disappointing my parents if I happen to have a male partner. I've always been asked why I haven't had a girlfriend (truth is, I'm not that ready for that) or on some occasions asked if I was gay but both those questions usually in a joking manner. I feel that they are hoping I have a wife and children, which I'm not against but there is the chance of having a husband and possibly children too. Another concern is what if family outside my immediate family hears about this? I am especially not ready to come out to them and I really don't want to hurt anyone, specifically my grandmothers. A part of me wants to be able to freely look at both men and women, and be able to not have to hide a part of me. It can be agonizing at times and all these feelings are bottled up as I have know one IRL to talk to about this. So I guess I am asking what do I do? How can I come out and what about my worries?
Hello RedMage, On What To Do: Nobody can tell you what to do. Only you know what, where, when and how. How honest are you with yourself about your sexuality? In order for you to even begin the journey/process of coming out to anyone you first need to know who you are and understand what you like. If you don't know how do you ever expect anyone to take you seriously? From what it I've read, it sounds like you have two loving parents who love you very much and wouldn't have a hard time accepting you for who you are. What you should understand is that (in general) people fear what they don't understand. So you have to keep an open heart when coming out to anyone. I think the LGBT community sometimes forgets that our families also go through a coming out process with us and that we don't always know what they have to go through as a part of coming out to them. All parents brag about their children in some form or another. Our parents also have friends, co-workers, and family members who they will now be screening for signs of hatred about their son or daughters who have recently come out to them. So it isn't just us it is them also. I challenge you as a Bi-Curious Man (at this point because you are still unsure of your own sexual identity) to go from being unsure about your sexuality to becoming more sure. This is important because your happiness depends on it. Especially if you are currently in a relationship with someone or if you plan on being in a relationship with someone in the near future. If you are ready to be brave and express to your folks and immediate family who you truly are, then do it. One thing I know for sure, without even knowing you, is that you family loves you. Coming out for me was not so easy... My family didn't accept me right away. It took my brothers and sisters (4 bros 2 sisters) almost 2 years to stop calling me faggot teasing and bullying me until they all realized that I hadn't changed who I was. I was still me. They for some reason thought something completely different about me, so much so that it scared them and so they behaved that way out of fear. Luckily (even though it was a difficult time for me) I knew that after sometime had past that they would come around. I just kept telling myself not to take the name calling and bullying personal, and I did. On Coming Out: Coming out is a Rite of Passage for LGBT people and should be celebrated. That's it for now -Alex
