The last time I saw my cousins I chickened out from telling them that I was bisexual (which in hindsight is probably for the better, as they're religious homophobes. I'll eventually end up telling them (because if they have an issue with my sexuality that's their problem, NOT mine!!!), but not until I'm more comfortable in my sexuality), but today I plan on telling my bestie (who is supportive of LGBTQ)... I feel giddy with excitement and yet totally freaked out!!! :eusa_danc :tears: I'm sure she'll be supportive (though very surprised), but I'm even more scared than I originally was when I first started thinking about telling her, as last time I saw her we were talking with another one of her friends about same sex couples, and while she said she was supportive, she didn't really get how/why they were attracted to each other... which makes sense considering she's straight, but just her saying that made me get super freaked out because it made me feel like maybe she'd end up disliking me or something! rolle: Which is ridiculous as she realized one of her friends was gay before he did... or at least before he was willing to admit it to himself and/or tell everyone.) I feel like I want to scream it from the roof tops "I LIKE GIRLS! NOT JUST GUYS, BUT GIRLS TOO! :icon_bigg" and at the same time I feel like running away and becoming a hermit who never leaves their secluded musty old cave, and who shies away from all human contact! This is all just so scary! - When I first told my dad I was practically hyperventilating, but I knew that as long as my dad accepted me it wouldn't matter what anyone else thought, so I thought that telling everyone else would be easier... but if anything it's harder, because even though I was scared to tell my dad, I knew that he would love me no matter what, even if he didn't agree with my lifestyle choices/preferences. (Which he does, so all's good! ) This honestly feels like one of the most scariest things I've ever had to do in my whole life! (And if you knew the details of my life you would realize how HUGE this statement is, as I have gone through some SERIOUSLY TERRIFYING STUFF and now have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from living with my abusive (mentally ill) mother! :icon_sad I feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe or think properly until she knows, because by telling her it will be my way of openly accepting it (my dad doesn't count, as I tell him everything so he's practically an extension of my own brain). It will become real, and I think that once I've told her my fear about telling people will probably go waaayyy down (except for my cousins who I previously mentioned... telling them will scare the :***: out of me!!)! Because of my mum's mental illness and her religious beliefs I was raised in a homophobic household, and was told being this way was evil and all of that kind of thing... I don't believe that being like this is evil, but I've only recently started to get over my denial so this newer and freer way of thinking is still kind of new! ... I really hope that I don't end up chickening out (which I don't think I will... Key word being think), because I'm 99% sure that I won't get another chance to tell her privately and in person for a while... and it's really important to me that I tell her in person, because this whole process of accepting myself as being bi is about respecting myself. And I don't think I would fully be able to respect myself if I told her through a text or something (and even if I did end up doing it she'd probably think I was kidding, no matter how much I said that I was serious), because I'd know that I was taking the coward's way out. (I'm NOT calling anyone who has told people this way a coward, I'm just saying that for me it would be like that!) This post is more just a stress release rant before I tell her, rather than a "HELP ME!!!" scenario... but in saying that any words of comfort or advice would still be much appreciated! Because while I feel a LOT better getting this out, I'm still scared :***:less! ... Actually, this post might be a little bit "HELP ME!"... but not a whole lot! :icon_redf Really I'm just so scared that I don't know what to say, or how to say it!... I mean I know the best (and probably easiest) way of doing it is to just rip the band-aid off (so to speak), but the idea of just bluntly saying "Hey, I've been wanting to tell you this for awhile now but I've never found the right time; I'm bisexual." SCARES THE :***:ING HELL OUT OF ME!!! Seriously, it REALLY does! - And knowing my bestie, her response is going to be "okaaaayyyy..." with a bit of an awkward silence while she processes this new information! And I'm 99% sure that that silence will KILL ME!!! - Her response and questions will probably be fine, but that silence?! Yeah, that scares me! And of course I feel so RIDICULOUS because I know that are sooooo many people out there who have been hurt and rejected by those they love, for just being who they are!!! I feel so stupid worrying about something so insignificant to what they've gone through, because I know that when I tell my bestie it will all be okay! I mean I have good reason to SERIOUSLY worry about how my cousins will handle this news, as like I said they are religious homophobes, but my bestie?! - Yeah, she'll fine! *Sighs*... Lol, I'm sorry if I keep rambling on, but I'm find this little rant quite therapeutic! And I think I'm even starting to convince myself that everything is going to be okay! Anyway, thanks for any and all help! ... It's much appreciated! :icon_bigg
A good rant can be quite healthy I really hope it went well yesterday, and that your best friend took it well. If she didn`t, or sounded a bit hesitant, don`t get discouraged. A lot of people do simply need some time to process something like this. Let her have some time and just continue as usual, so she sees this doesn`t change anything. Please do let us know how it went, and we`re here for you if you need to rant some more. I`ll listen
Thanks, everything did go well (and yes the rant was VERY productive... actually if I hadn't of ranted, I doubt I would have had the courage to tell her)! It was funny, but before I could even get the words fully out she's like "you're gay" in a friendly, joking sort of a way. And I'm like "no, not exactly... I'm bi." And she stuttered a bit (wrapping her head around this new information), and then said "well I was close!" And then we both laughed, and started talking about it and stuff like that. I gotta say it didn't go really anyway how I thought it would (I thought it would take her days to process the information... at most it took her 5 seconds), but to be honest I'm really glad it did! :icon_bigg And I was right, telling her has helped me to wrap my head around all of this! I'm still processing all of this, but just by telling her I feel like a whole weight has been lifted off my chest!... I'm even starting to think about telling my cousin (though I don't think I should do that for a LONG time, because I seriously don't want a homophobic sermon on god! :rolle: ... At least not until I feel more secure with who I am as a person! :icon_bigg
Oo, congrats! I would let you and your friend get more accustomed to the idea before you start telling anyone else. I completely understand that carefree feeling after coming out to someone who takes it well, like you can tell the whole world. Does your cousin live near you/see you often? Perhaps you should avoid that for a while... don't want to have a sermon alarm clock after all :icon_wink
I came out to my best friend just the other day. Like you, I was very nervous about coming out for the first time. But it was one of the best decision I've made in a long time. I told him straight away and we talked after that for about three hours. It's a really great feeling,and if this person really is your friend, they'll be as comfortable with you as my best friend was. The only thing I struggled with was how to word it, but once it came out, my friend was actually relieved, he thought what I was planning on telling him was really bad news (like a family member had passed away). When I met him, I just said: "I'm not interested in girls". I wish I could have thought of something a bit better, but it pretty much summed everything up. Anyway, I hope this helps. All the best to you, just remember that if this person really is your friend, telling them might be one of the best decisions you ever make.
