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Advice, I want him to know I honor who his is

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by 1R0NC0LD45H, May 12, 2013.

  1. 1R0NC0LD45H

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Hello Everyone!

    I am new here.. and I have some questions..

    So, a little on me.. I am a female bisexual and am currently in a relationship with a male... I have this idea that my bf is in the closet.. all these signs and really I don't want anyone to say, "well if you don't have proof and he didn't come out to you, then you DON"T KNOW FOR SURE".. I will agree with that. But I just KNOW. and I'm choosing to leave the relationship not because of his sexual orientation, but because he has been having affairs for quite some time now. Again, I know I don't have proof.. but I just know. If you are interested enough in how I think I know, then message me and I can gladly give more details..

    but what I really want advice with, is how do I let him know that I know.. and that I'm ok with it? because really I just want him to be happy. He isn't happy when he is around me and only finds happiness when he is with his male friends.. UNDERSTANDABLE. I just don't want him to think I am a threat because I have already made accusations and, of course he denied it.. again.. UNDERSTANDABLE. We have a child together (unplanned) and we have to see one another in the future for our baby.. though, I feel if he keeps living this secret, it's only going to hurt him more.. and he will hurt other women like he has hurt me.. NOT PHYSICALLY. Dude wouldn't harm a fly. He is so gentle and he really is a wonderful guy.. and I just feel so much for him because I understand what he is going through and I wish I could at least give him the courage to be himself. I want him to know that I am on his side, and it is not my place place to out him to anyone. I really just want him to be happy. And I don't want my daughter to see another loveless relationship like his and I's were.. I know I can't control what goes into his life.. but he comes from a small town that coming out would really be frowned upon.. he keeps me around for the social aspect.. not for the love aspect.

    SO, long story short.. how do I let him know that I support him and I only want him to be happy.. and that because I have made accusations in the past, that I won't go and make those accusations now. I now know how damaging it can be to someone to do those things.. gay straight or whatever. I only questioned him because I saw all the signs and was just hoping he would finally be honest with me. Now I realize how very hurtful that was.. and I don't want to be that person. I just want to hug him and tell him he's worthy of real love. I want to cry for him, because this really has been a huge struggle for me and him.

    Again, I don't want to go into details in why I think these things, I just want advice in how I can let him understand that I am in his corner and I can be trusted..
     
  2. FemCasanova

    Full Member

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    How about you let him know without mentioning specifics. You could start it off with the supportive part, so that he doesn`t close his ears after the "I am breaking this off" part. Simply tell him that you want him to know that regardless of what goes on in his life, or with him, you`d understand and accept him, and that you`ll always be there if he needs someone to talk to. Then finish it off with that the relationship isn`t working, that there`s something missing and it`s time to part ways. That way, there`ll be no accusations, no unwanted questions, you simply just letting him know that you`ll accept him no matter what, and that you are someone he can safely talk to.

    If he asks why, you can say what you wrote here, that you don`t feel that what the two of you have is real love from his side, and that you feel he needs something else. That you think he deserves that, and that you care about him, even if you don`t love him anymore.

    If he is in the closet, then deep in he`ll know why you are breaking up with him, and he`ll probably suspect you know as well. There`s no need to verbalize that part, it will probably just make him defensive.

    In any case, just keep off the tough topics and speak from your heart.
    Those are my two cents :slight_smile: