I came out to two of my friends at school about a month ago, both with really positive, supporting reactions. Today I learned through one of the two that the other had told a third friend of mine (my best friend. Whom I've developed a crush upon. Which is why I didn't say anything to her. And who is also moving in a month.) about my "gay-ness". Honestly, I don't really care if people know. I've been wanting to come out, and my school is a really accepting, positive place. But I want to do it on my own terms, despite my inclination to be quiet, and slowly, without bluntness- just slipping little things in. So now I'm wondering if it would be best to just come out quickly loudly, just so that people can hear it from me, so I have control of it, at least for a little while. It would make school hard for about a week, and then it would be over, and I would finish the school year and get to the relief of summer. I'm a fairly breakable person, but I'm so fed up with everything that I've stopped caring about the negative reactions that a few people would have. Most wouldn't care. But would it be bad to come out for the wrong reason? Is this even a wrong reason? And then there is the friend I told who ended up telling. I knew that she wasn't the most trustworthy person I could tell, but she was the person that I felt most comfortable coming out to, and who I knew would be supportive and accepting. And it turns out that she couldn't stay quiet. I don't know whether I can, or should, be annoyed at her. I don't quite know what to do, or think, and I don't have any friends my age who are also not straight who I could talk to, and my main confidant doesn't know how to help or what to say. Thanks
I think the only wrong way to come out is the one that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you think your friend is going to be a tattle tail (or however that expression goes, lol) to more people, then you might want to tell them yourselves, if you prefer it that way. On the other hand, if you`ve told everyone you care about telling, and that whether the rest know or not is irrelevant to you, then why bother? It`s really all about who you want to know, and who you don`t give a damned about whether or not they know at all. About whether or not you should be angry at her, I totally get that you`re upset. I would be too. On the other hand, I kind of feel that we have to take a bit responsibility ourselves in that regard, unless we`re caught completely by surprise by someone we expected capable of keeping it private. My GF is a total and utter mess when it comes to keeping secrets. She managed to blurt one out at her birthday party. I got upset with her at first. But when thinking about it, I knew it was a weakness of hers, and I also knew that I had taken a risk in sharing my secret with her. Some people are just not very good at keeping things quiet, and we`ve all got flaws. So, I think maybe you want to try and practice some forgive and forget with this one, if she`s supportive and comfortable to talk to then at least she didn`t spill your secret out of malice. Some people do, others simply have a weakness when it comes to keeping their lips together. Congratulations on coming out to your friends!
