Hi everyone, thanks for all the support I've received it was great. I have only recently come to terms with my sexuality, and I have put up a personal ad on the site JustGuys.com. It's been about a week and just today this guy asked me out. From our conversations, he seems like a really nice guy and I feel we might have a connection. However, this being the Internet and all, I still have some reservations. His MySpace and Facebook page seems legit, and from what I can tell he hasn't lied to me about anything. Since I'm not out yet, he kindly suggested that we go to his place, 45 minutes away, just in case. I didn't suggest otherwise at the time. But now, having discussed with the only friend I'm out to, I've decided that I will borrow a car and meet him at a predetermined public location. I've also given my friend the guy's name and cell phone number. I am not sure if I am being overly cautious about this, and I really don't want to scare him off if he turns out to be genuine. I'm very new to dating guys, and even more new to online dating, so I really don't know what's the norm. I do want to protect myself just in case, but I don't want to restrict myself if things work out. I have no idea what I'll decide if he asks me to his place (I live with 2 roommates I'm not out to so coming to my place is out of the question). Does anyone know if it's normal to visit someone's place on a first date? I am looking for a real relationship and not a hookup. What's a good pace to go on this? I feel really embarassed and nervous that I am so clueless. Can anyone give me some practical advice about keeping myself safe? Advice about what to do on a first date would be very much appreciated too. Thank you all in advance.
Personally, (though, this is just me), the fact he suggested his place is a bit suspicious, but at the same time, he did know you weren't out, so I can understand that. Have you ever considered having that friend go with you, possibly with a date of their own, kinda like a double date? I know you aren't out, but I'm sure if they were with someone, that person would keep it secret if you wanted. For dating people you met online, from my experience w/ friends/family, (especially if you've only known them a week), the best bet is to bring a friend, and double date (I've never dated, but my sisters have dated people online). To answer the questions at the end. It isn't very normal to visit another person's place on the first date, other then if you're dropping them off, and walk them to the door, otherwise, it could easily be conceived as a hookup by them... Like I said, a friend with you is the safest you can be, until you feel comfortable with the other person. I would suggest a public place, but also one that's secluded, possibly the beach (quite easy to go somewhere off the side that's private, but within range of others if he were to try something bad), or a small restaraunt? Not quite sure other then that, no dating experience myself, so going on what I've observed via my sisters and friends... (My friends like to vent to me... lol)
I agree completely. Todays online dating, seems to have more and more people who aren't interested in "dating" but in things like making love and such. Having a friend double date, would be a good idea, first, for extra support on your part, and also, just in case. Cant say it any better than you did Myzou! Hope you tell us how it goes!
Hey - good for you for taking that step and putting yourself out there. I can totally understand how you're feeling about starting to make a connection with someone, now that you've at least come out to yourself. So, from the "been there, done that" file, I'd offer the following advice: If you're looking to develop a serious, meaningful relationship with someone, the first date shouldn't end with you going back to his place and having sex. If the two of you are sincere, then the second, third and fouth dates shouldn't end that way either. Getting to know each other in a more meaningful way is the best way to start off. For a couple of reasons (which I won't go into here), my bf and I didn't get sexually intimate for a couple of months. This was a mutually discussed and agreed to situation between us, so it wasn't awkward or anything. And in hind sight, we both feel that it was the best thing that we could have done. We had a great friendship already established before we were lovers, and that made the sex even better. But it also gave us other dimensions to our relationship beyond the sex. Now - at the same time, not every guy you date is going to be LTR material. Does that mean you shouldn't do anything with any of them? Not necessarily. But for your first date with ANY guy, I'd play it really safe. If he's a decent person, he's not going to be offended in any way to meet you in a public place. He could have had you in mind when he suggested meeting at his place - for purposes of privacy. But I got over that quick. If someone sees me with another man, and comes to the conclusion that I'm gay - well they'd be right, wouldn't then?!? Good luck! Let us know how it goes! Let me know if you have any other quesitons.
meet in a public place and get ta know each other in person. don't go to his place on the first date. if he is the real thing then maybe on a third date if it happens then go back to his but olny to get a look at the place and if he offers then a drink as well.
