I usually thought of my self as a possible bi curious, at the most, but otherwise considered myself straight. The reason I say this is because I was both emotionally and physically attracted to women (I've had a few girlfriends), yet only slight physically attracted to another man if he was super good looking. But now, I'm coming to question myself due to one guy. I'll start with saying that I'm basically head over heals for this guy, and will admit I've only felt this strongly about a girl once. Before I further explain, I need to add some background details. - Due to a class of gutter minded teens and one badly worded example involving me by my teacher, im basically considered, mostly jokingly, as gay in that class. - My guy crush is in that class with me and at times is also added to the taunting by (when we're horsing around) flirting with eachother. So with this being said, I actually do kinda see it as flirting... it feels so wrong to like another man, but I can't stop the feeling to save my life. When the kids in the class make jokes of me and my crush being a cute couple, I actually kind of think more of it than just a joke, and when I imagine us together I feel happy... Sorry for blabbering about this, but I haven't asked anyone for advice yet, there is one lesbian friend I have, but idk if she can keep it secret. I'm new to this community, and need to know... Do these feelings make me gay, bisexual, or is it just a phase that will pass? If so, how do I go about this situation when my family is a bunch of homophobic bigots? Also to add about this crush: -I have reason to believe he could be at least bi-curious or really confortable around other guys because he held a dude from behind once and kissed the back of his neck -He never seems to get angered when taunted on being gay, so he's not homophobic. -Some reasons I think he's completely straight are that he has a girlfriend, he's kind of country, he plays football (not surem if that hints anything, but I'd assume he would be afraid to come out because of that)
First of all, Welcome! You sound like you're still pretty young, so I wouldn't worry about the label for a few more years (after your hormones settle down a bit). And while I don't know your denomination, I am also a Christian. I assure you that there's nothing wrong with it, if that's how God made you (if you want more resources you can message me). It sounds like things have escalated since they began, so I think that indicates he has at least a curiosity about being in a relationship. His actions also indicate some level of desire for intimate male contact. Trust me, I drive a pickup, row crew, love Willie Nelson, and only wear wrangler's; appearances are vastly deceiving for some of us. If you do decide to use an LGBT label, then congratulations. But I'd highly recommend against coming out to family members, unless you were exceptionally close with one individual. Unfortunately, they tend to be the least accepting and most damaging if you live in a homophobic environment. I'd say your best bet would be to confide in your friend. Don't try to imply that he's gay, just ask him if you can tell him a secret, since he's clearly not homophobic.
I'm strongly of the opinion that you can be largely straight, but there may be that one person of the same gender that gets you and that you connect with on. So maybe you're not actually gay or bisexual and you could just see yourself going gay for this guy so to speak. Then again, maybe you are gay or bisexual in general. Maybe it is a phase for you. But at the end of the day you know you like this guy so try to find a way to see if he's into you back
Tell your closest friends first, who can act as your line of support if your family doesn't take the news well. And plus, parents are sedentary and stuck in their old ways, on occasion. So, your friends will understand the situation and be more accepting, usually. This is what I have done with my friends. My mom wasn't too happy about it. BUT, my friends all around were VERY supportive.
Welcome! First, I have a question for you: Are you physically attracted to this guy? In all of the description you gave us, the aspects of your attraction are emotional, not necessarily physical. It's ok either way. Before you start putting labels on things, think about how he makes you feel in both respects. Second, don't rush to put a label on it. It's ok to be in between if you aren't sure. More than anything, time will tell you the answers to your questions. Do some deep thinking about it and try not to stress too much. There's plenty of time to work things out. Third, with respect to family and friends, if you feel comfortable talking about it with someone, then tell them, but make sure they will keep your conversations in confidence. One of the worst things for those around you is to hear from someone else that you're questioning or (to sum it all up) not exactly straight. That kind of news should come from you and you alone. If you tell anyone, pick the people that you know won't react negatively. It's awful to go through a questioning time and have to defend what you feel against those who don't understand. If you feel that you must tell your parents, make sure you have more than one back-up plan, in case things go badly. Build that support network so that you have friends to go to in case of emergency (or even if you just need to talk!). You'll know better than anyone here which people to tell and when to tell them. I'll leave you with one last piece of advice. If you do find that you have relationship-type feelings for this guy, be careful. You say he has a girlfriend, and the last thing you want to do is start any kind of relationship (friendship, romantic, physical) on an "I-want-to-steal-you-from-your-girlfriend" basis. I wish you luck in finding answers to your questions!
Guess I need to add more info in response. But before I do, thank you for the welcomes. -I'm Methodist, but majority of my family Roman Catholic/Eastern Orthodox -I am both emotionally and physically attracted to the guy -I'm 16, he's 16. -Ive had these feelings for about a year now. I don't know what these feelings make me, but whatever it is I don't feel comfortable telling my family nor most of my friends (I live in the south, theres a lot of people cool with bi's and gays that I know, but everyone I trust is southern and white, so ya... won't take it well)... ---------- Post added 15th May 2013 at 04:01 PM ---------- Also, he doesn't seem too happy with his girlfriend, but I don't how he is in relationships, so he may just be confined and distant anyways? Seriously, he talks about his car more than he talks about her. ---------- Post added 15th May 2013 at 04:03 PM ---------- Et Miseur, parlez-vous Français aussi?
That's a helpful clarification. I know exactly how you feel. I grew up (and still live in) a small southern town where everybody knows everybody and their business, too, and I was raised in the Church of Christ. I was in college before I met anyone that I could talk about these sorts of things with (even though I knew a long time before). But enough about me! If you are acquainted with anyone who you know doesn't have a problem with these things, try getting to know them better. Just because the friends you have right now won't understand doesn't mean you can't make some new friends who will. And we're always here to help you comb through those complicated feelings, in the mean time. Unfortunately, your family might not be so keen on the idea that you're questioning your sexuality (at least for the Catholic members). But it's ok, because what matters is that you get to know yourself better. (And I would suggest knowing a bit more concretely what you're feeling before discussing it with your family. They'll have questions, and it'll be more comfortable for you if you have answers.) Again, don't fret over a label. You like a guy, and that's ok. For all we know he might be the only one you have this strong of a feeling for. Sexuality doesn't have to fit into the nice, neat boxes that we have for it.
