Last night I had my first sexual experience with another male. Without going into too many details, I have to say it was pretty enjoyable but not the absolutely wonderful dream that i had been building up in my mind. While there were some things i liked, there were certainly others that i certainly did not (odd because I thought I would love all of it). In saying this, I have to admit I am so happy for finally doing it as it has brought me so much clarity. For one, if you have read any of my previous posts, you would know that I have been struggling with my sexuality. While I have always been relatively certain that I had an attraction for women, I would at times be overcome with intense anxiety due to my same-sex curiously. At times, I would reason I am only trying to like girls because I am in denial about my true sexuality. These feelings would cause deep depression and would actually cause some of my relationships with women to suffer. However, in finally satisfying my curiosity I realized that those moments when I was the hardest on myself, those moments of awful depression were truly unreasonable. It's weird to say, but I now know for a fact that my attraction to women is genuine, and at the same time I don't feel so weird for having a same sex attraction. In actually satisfying my curiosity, I can finally appreciate the differences between men and women and realize that I truly can see beauty in both men and women. While I don't see myself running out to do it again, I am surely glad that this same sex encounter happened as I have not felt this comfortable in my sexuality or myself in a very long time. Cheers.
In saying all this, I would just like to enrage anyone who is unsure or anxious about their sexuality to not judge yourself, and just explore.
^^^ Take it all in, friend. That's your innermost self, your gut, your soul, maybe even your brain finally having what you wanted, needed. Enjoy the journey -- you've learned alot about yourself!
