Hard to say... I'm gay?

I can absolutely relate to this, saying the words was extremely difficult for me. Why? Idk, I guess I thought if i didnt say them out loud that it wasn't real. I couldn't even say it out loud just to myself at first so I didn't bother bringing it up to others.

The only thing I can tell you is after I got a little comfortable with the *idea* of being probably gay it, eventually, became easier to say to myself. And once I got a bit comfortable saying it to myself it has definitely become easier to talk to others about.

 

It's way harder to say things out loud than it is to think them. I think it's because we use verbal communication primarily with others, so even if we're just talking to ourselves, spoken words are more real than thoughts.

It's normal for it to feel weird, especially if you've just figured it out. And it's about sex. For the most part, we don't typically have open conversations about sex, so that might be why it doesn't feel right. If you're finding that you have trouble saying out loud, say it to yourself in the mirror until you get comfortable with your words.

 

I realise that saying stuff out loud is harder than writing them in words. That's why I came out through text message, FB message, or in a letter. Write a letter. You can prepare what you have to say better instead of speaking and being nervous.

 

Kind of a funny story. My first coming out was to my best friend. Now me being gay has been a joke between us for a while, and I told him I needed to tell him something. I tried to say the words "I'm gay", but I couldn't. I got to "I'm", and he said "what, are you gay or something?" I said yes, and the rest is history.

It is hard to simply say it, but with the other times I just didn't think of it. I turn my brain off, say the words like they mean nothing, and then turn it back on to deal with the fallout.

It doesn't make sense, but somehow it happens...

 

I so far outed myself through FB message. Set my privacy settings to make it visible to selected ppl and voila, done.

The thing is - being brave isn't mandatory. Only thing that's really important is you being comfortable.
And once it's out there it becomes way easier to talk about.

 

It's so hard. I wish that I felt it was "normal" but I don't. I feel I am normal and frankly live a regular suburban life. Just wish there was no need to "come out." I don't want to come out. I just want to be normal, which I feel I am until someone knows. Then I'm different and it stinks.

I've been debating telling a close co-worker but I just feel like our camaraderie will change since we won't have that in common anymore. I've mentioned x boyfriends when things came up to reference them like HS prom and college boyfriends. I'm sure she assumes I'm straight and I'm just fine with that. I don't want the weird change. She asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with her sometime. I said maybe. Wonder if she'd be ok if she knew. She would be ok bring friends but probably not going on vacation with the lesbian at work. People might wonder about our close relationship. Hate that crap!

I really miss hanging out with my straight girl talking about guys. It's NOT the same with lesbian or bi women. I really MISS that so much.

 

2 options:
1) you haven't given it enough time. Years of internalized homophobia can do a number on you if you feel shame and embarassment. Give it some time.
2) you haven't found the right label. when I came out as bisexual it didn't seem right but it was the best way i could describe my shifting from liking MOS to liking other genders; now I prefer "pansexual", "queer", or "gay". i never identified with "lesbian" either. if you have given it time and you don't identify with the label, then maybe it's not the right one.

also maybe you don't need a label, maybe you can just say "i like girls". would that feel better?

 

same here actually, i managed to tell 2 online friends quite easily, so easy it was kind of weird, but when i was going to tell the therapist for the first time, man, that was insane, it was really, really hard, i dont know why, i guess we are just afraid of how the person is going to react like right in your face or something, i have no idea how to explain it haha, its just way harder

but my advice is to find the person you trust the most and is most friends with, it makes it much less scarier, also the letter/email/private message idea is pretty good too :icon_wink