I have kept it from my family and most friends that im gay for ages. Now mind you, my family is all supportive of gays, lesbian, bi-sexuals and such, in fact, my two sisters are bi, problem is, I have hid it from them all my life. I think it is a fear of getting TOO much support and stuff from them, which I really dont like. What do you think I should do?
Boy, talk about the kind of problem that some people would LOVE to have... You don't say how old you are, but if you've kept it from them for "ages", you're presumably old enough that you're living on your own. In which case, just start living as "gay". Introduce your boyfriend to them as "my boyfriend", as if they've known for years. Chances are, they have. Lex
Hi there!! I think that you should come out to them, but only when you're ready. I think that sometimes there's a misconception that you can only be worried about coming out if you fear a bad reaction - whereas, actually, I think, coming out is as much about yourself and your own feelings as about your family and theirs. Even if you expect your family and friends to be supportive, it can still be a big deal for you, because you are making a public declaration of who you are. It is as much about you being comfortable being gay, as your family being comfortable with it. Why would would you feel you'd get "too much" support? Is it because you don't want it to be a big deal, or is it because a part of you, personally, still feels a little uncomfortable about the fact you're gay and you don't want everyone else knowing about it and supporting you until you feel internally ok about it? I think that you should analyse your feelings for not wanting to come out to them yet. You have ruled out a negative reaction, and if it's something you can work on, like your own feelings, then you should wait - but I do think there can be an element of fear when coming out even when we feel ok about it and we know others will be ok with it. I think maybe because it seems irreversable, like you can't unsay the words? Once it's out there it's out there, and we're no longer in control of the information or something? I would try and understand why you don't want to come out, because it sounds like it's possible there's an internal reason. But if when you've thought about it you really cannot see no reason not to, then I would seriously think about coming out to them - you can always say you don't want it to be a big deal or something. Sorry, this is probably totally unhelpful and complete rambling, but it's what I think I'd try and do in the situation.
Sorry, not quite that old, but yes ages, I have known that I am gay just about my who life, pretty close to moving out though.
And second, I just really dont like that much attention, but I want people to know who I really am. Thanks to EC, I am coming out more online, but I still cant really come out in real life.
tell them when you are ready to have them know. hey i knew when i was about eight and didn't come out to family or friends til about christmas 06. thats about ten years of my life gone before i told. most likely they already know or they have been thinking about it. let them know what kind of support you want from them.
Thanks for all your help, but I doubt I will be on EC again. New problems came up, dont know if I will be alive much longer.
Oh boy you will be alive for much longer. If you take the problems just as problems but not as learning experiences, we would live depressed and faithless for all of our lives and believe me, life is short that way. I may not be the best to talk right about this right now, and you know the reasons why, but I must say: You are important, and doesn't matter what other people say or do, all what matters is what you think about yourself and how much you love yourself. If something is bad for you, quit it. But life won't ever be bad, so don't quit living. And we will care about you ever. As EC friends (&&&)
