So .... I sort of kind of was sort of in an almost-not-quite-long-distance-relationship with an older man. It was while I was in denial - I wasn't using him. The trouble is, I thought it was just harmless flirting and he thought it was a bit more. Then when we went on our second date (bear in mind that with us living so far apart and me being busy with high school and him being busy with being a mature student (yes, mature student and yet surprisingly immature) this occurred after being whatever we were for 3 months) he kissed me and I freaked out a bit. I didn't let it show, but after that I just started ignoring him hoping he'd get the hint. This was when I started to accept that there was a reason I didn't feel for him the way he felt about me. Trouble is, he still doesn't seem to have taken the hint, and since my mother has forbade me from talking to him and so I can't really explain it to him. I plan to come out soon, but I'm worried that he'll be really mad if I don't tell him first, and I'm also worried if I tell him first, he'll think I was just using him and make trouble for me by telling people I don't want to know yet. Anyway .. after a very long rant, I guess what I'm trying to say is has anyone been in a similar situation who can advise me on how to handle this?
Why do you care if he gets upset? It doesn't sound like he means much to you, you don't owe him anything, and you're not going to pursue any kind of friendship with him. I'd just forget him and go on how you want.
From your post the safest answer is to tell him you don’t feel for him what he feels for you. Without a more intimate relationship I don’t think he necessary deserves to know you are gay. If you fear he will take vengeance on you for not telling him what he would do with telling him. Does he have a stalker persona?
I don't want to hurt him because despite his quirks he's a nice enough guy. As for the stalker personality ... well ... I don't think so but out of the people I've introduced him to, they all seem to think so. That's why my mum's forbade me from talking to him. She thinks he'll hurt me. The worry is because my plan for coming out is to just tell my immediate family and then just do it over facebook and get it over with. He has access to my facebook so I'm worried that if he sees this, he'll get mad, and since family members have already made threats on his life (and believe me, they'd follow through) it's as much for him him as it is for me.
The most important person in this situation is YOURSELF. Family should come second. And why do you care so much about this one guy? You haven't given substantial evidence that he is indeed treating you well. If I were your mother, I'd be like "well...who's this weird guy hanging out with my daughter?". He hasn't shown your family or really anyone else that he is taking care of you. That's why I say you are the most important, followed by family.
I can (sorta) relate. When I came out to my ex, he didn't really grasp what I meant by "I think I'm gay". He kept arguing that I never gave him a chance, which was hurtful because he wasn't taking my reasons seriously. While I'm sure it's hard for the guy to accept what you tell him, that's his problem not yours. Don't let him talk you into feeling guilty. You don't owe him anything and as BlueBear said, you don't even need to tell him you're gay. I've never dealt with a stalker personality, but if you think you're in danger, contact a law enforcement officer or lawyer, get a restraining order; do whatever you need to do to get safe. Err on the side of caution and assume the worst. Best of luck!
