I have spent several months worrying and dreading coming out to my friends and family. I managed to come out to my family, and i thought i came out to my friends. However I have always been just a fun loving jokester and I have always liked messing with peoples heads. So when I did come out many people didn't believe me and passed it off as a joke. I thought they were taking me seriously because they never called me out on it. I thought i was out at school because i asked a friend to tell some people and just let the word get out, but everyone just took it as one giant joke. I didn't fully realize this until a little while ago. I told several of my friends that i was dating and they quickly asked me who "she" was. I didn't know how to answer this so i just said i couldn't tell them and whenever i talked about him i called girlfriend and used she and her. I couldn't say it was a guy because i was too afraid now knowing that they never thought it was real. Eventually i got tired of the charade so i told them that i wasn't fully honest about my girlfriend. They guessed several things including she was really ugly or she didn't exist. After several guesses one of them said jokingly i know its a male. I didn't know what to say but "maybe". Suddenly they both looked shocked and backed away from me and gave me looks of utter disgust. My heart raced and i couldn't take it anymore so quickly i just faked a laugh and said "god you guys are easily tricked". They laughed and demanded to know what it was, so i then said that they were right she didn't exist and left it at that. They said that it was a good thing that i am not into guys because they couldn't be my friends anymore if that were true. I feel miserable knowing that my friends won't be my friends if i actually come out. I just can't help but get over the looks they gave me. It just feels like they see me as nothing more than some disgusting shame of a human being.
Sadly what Ticky said is right. If they cant accept you the way you are, their friendship is not truly real. Try giving them a PFLAG pamphlet on Gay friends - if any, if not, make it 100% clear that they're your friends and nothing more than that so you won't make the stupid move to even try and hit on one of them. Make them understand that you're the same, regarding your sexual orientation. You are worth a lot, and if they can't see that, then youre worth too much for them.
My goodness, that's horrible.. That's like one of my worst fears.. except in your case.. you kinda know it'll happen If I were you, I'd probably just stop talking to them before they stop talking to you.. but that's pretty bad advice I suppose I sympathize for you badly... But atleast you have a boyfriend? I'm thinking that perhaps, maybe your friends acted a little rash when you told them because they were (with the picture in my head) in a group.. Maybe they didn't want to seem gay themselves so they played homophobe so everyone else wouldn't think they were gay or something. Find out who you really really trust and come out to them.. I think doing things slowly is the best when dealing with people with a little less tolerance. If everyone else "disowns" you then f them. You already came out to your parents and you didn't seem to be scared of coming out to the public if it weren't for your friends... so just be out and accept the consequences. Being gay isn't a walk in the park. We've already gone through the strife of accepting our sexuality (some of us..) and worrying about everyone elses problems with homosexuality shouldn't be your or my problem too. I highly doubt you're gonna be happy with ignorant friends... no matter how long you've known them. If they care about you as much as you care about them then they'll stay your friend. (of course I don't know how much you care about them) I'd have to say to slowly make new more accepting friends.. so when you come out the impact won't be too hard... but I talk as if making good friends is easy.. I'm really sorry about your friends.. but I can't see you staying with them if they won't accept you. Hope that helps with something..... ♥
You know it's strange how young people can change. When my friends were in middle school or beginning high school, all they did was gay bash. Gradually however, once it stopped being "cool" to do something like gay bash, they grew to accept/support gay people. It seems like time just caused them to mature. My prime example is one of my good friends, who is heterosexual, used to hardcore bash gays when I was younger. However, now his best friend at college is gay. Strange how things work out. I think at a young age, when we realize about the existence of homosexuality, there's this fear to prove that we aren't gay, which is often accomplished by bashing gays. However, once we become confident with our own sexuality, and less ignorant about what homosexuality is, the gay bashing and lack of acceptance lessens. Your friends seem like they have some maturing to do. It may end up that they get over their feelings, and learn to be more accepting of others.
that's really awful.i thiught that before i came out and i did have to say that i only ever thought of them as friends or some as family. if they are going to be like that then don't hang out with them anymore. true friends would never have said that. you deserve better friends then them and they shouldn't be such jerks about it.
This is so true, the exact same thing happened with my brother, when i first came out at 13, he gave me a VERY hard time for it, would have disowned me if he could. But as he grew older he began to realize that i had been gay all my life, it wasn't a change that suddenly happened. If he had no problem with me before i came out, whats wrong now? He now supports me a lot and we are really close! Your friends need time, but even given that they might not adjust so maybe its time to move on to new friends. My coming out went a bit like that, about half way through my first year of high school i moved cliques to a group of kids that everyone called 'The Lefties' (refering to their left wing and alternative views) and came out to them, as word spread that i was gay and my new group fully supported me, people noticed that i didn't change, and slowly (being the only gay in the school) over a few months all the students adjusted and changed (they were rather harsh and cruel to me at first) and my old friends (who didn't accept it at first) were happy to have me back, now days (year 10) the whole school (including the teachers) accepts it and i sit with both my old friend and 'the lefties' (because of how close i got to them over those months). I can't promise that your school will be the same as mine (as our gay bashing/discrimination was never as severe as that because there were no gay kids around at that time) But remember some people need time to adjust. BUT, all that said. If it puts you in physical risk then... well... i don't want to say it but maybe the closet is 'safer' What has the world become when the closet is safer? :tears:
I'm really sorry to hear about how your friends reacted, and how you feel completely pushed back into the closet. I agree with some of the posts here, namely that, from my experience, when they're younger people are more likely to react badly when in a group because they're trying not to be associated with homosexuality themselves - therefore if you can face it, could you talk to one of them in private, one you thought would be most supportive? Is there a chance that there's a homophobic "ringleader" amongst your friends, and that the others are following suite? If so, you may either have to hope they grow up, or have to find new friends (easier said than done I know). But I found that once I left school people became a lot less homophobic - the same people who had said the most horrible things became best friends with gay people. So don't be too worried about the rest of your life and your friendships with them in the far future yet, as it might get better. That said, if they continue to have a problem with it then it is of course up to you whether to come out or not - but I think that they're not true friends if they have a problem with it, and/or are clearly immature. But I'm really sorry that they gave you such looks of disgust. Leave it a while and see if you can maybe approach one of them on their own. Good luck.
When I first came out (I live in a Muslim country, note), which wasn't too long ago, I had people talking about me as if there was something hideously wrong with me, and I won't deny, it made me miserable. But however, it was a really good chance to see who my true friends really were, and I hate to be so pessimistic, but maybe the ones who were disgusted just aren't. They should like you for *who* you are, not *what*. Luckily for me, one of my very oldest friends told me how proud she was of me for being so honest with everybody, and not denying the rumours, even though it's such a homophobic school. Did they actually say, out loud 'We can't be friends with you if you're into guys', or something along those lines? If so, then I really wouldn't bother with them if I were you, you deserve to be around more accepting and trustworthy people. From what I've been told by some of my older friends, it really does get better after the teenage years. You're bound to be subjected to a bit of abuse at some point in your life, but whatever you do, don't let them know that they've had the satisfaction of hurting you. Just be strong, k?
They could surprise you. Maybe if you take the softly softly approach and talk to the friend you trust the most things will work out for the best. Don't rush anything however, do this to your schedule. http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf HRC has a good little pdf. for consumption with a little guide on planning yr exit from the closet. If yr 'Friends' do disown you then as Paralyzer said, F them! if they are so narrow-minded that they cant accept you for being the person you are, gay or not then you really dont need that in yr life. Hope that helps and remember dont rush into anything, take some time to yrself and figure out what YOU want. RFB
Wow, that is really a tough situation to be in. I am kind of in a situation like that, except that I haven't hinted anything towards my friends. My opinion is if they are truly your friends, then they will be your friend no matter what and not care about what sexual preference you choose. The best thing to do is to try and explain the situation to a really close friend or mentor and get their input on the situation. I myself am having a hard time coming up with the right words to say to my friends because I want to put it in a way that they can understand what I am going through. It can be tough to talk to friends in that way, but what it really comes down to is that all you need is a little courage and a lot of faith. Faith in your friends is important and like I mentioned before, they should be understanding and supporting of you if they are your true friend. I hope this helps in some way, shape or form. Good luck with your friends.