First Date and Perception

Depends how intimate / how you both act / even the clothes you're wearing!
If you want to be very reserved, try not going to a very popular restaurant: a smaller one, maybe with less people around would be better. If you go to the movies, I may advice that you both take different spots for purchasing the ticket and/or any snacks, and meet inside the cinema. When you're inside, no one will easily notice you (unless there's a 5 year old girl in the row behind you) and everything will be ok.

Do you live in a small town? Or in a big town or city? Sometimes things are easily known on a small town, so be extra careful if so.

And good luck! I hope you enjoy your date

 

Quitex more or less said it all

 

However, someone that had an actual date throughout his life may help more than me, lmao!

 

I disagree with Quitex im sorry

I wouldn't do any of those things, i wouldn't CHANGE a single thing in an attempt to hide who you are.

I acknowledge that you are not open to the world but no matter where u are, people are going to make assumptions and that can't be avoided. Don't get the wrong idea with what I'm saying, this doesn't mean people are going to assume your gay just because your out with another guy.

I often see guys eating together, often its old friends catching up, just out for a good time, business men and sometimes its actually a gay couple. You never know unless they project any obvious statement (e.i they kiss).

I suggest you go to the place you want to go most, be totally yourself and do exactly what you want people to see. Most importantly have a good time, don't think about what the married couple or group of teenagers at the table next to you are thinking because afterall, they are there to have a good time.

Good luck and enjoy this very special occasion

 

To answer your question, no two guys going to a dinner together is not an indication that they are gay. Especially in a college setting, if there are a couple of guys at a restaurant that is indicative that they are hungry. There are things that you may do to portray a stereotype, e.g. kiss as Gumtree points out, that would "raise an eyebrow."

Unless you are attending a university that would kick you out for being a homosexual, I say own who you are and be happy with it. If you want to go out as a couple, go out as a couple. If others have an issue with that they should avert thine eyes.

 

I think the "average" person is totally clueless to gayness, especially if the average person is male.

That being said, I think it depends a lot more on how intimate you are rather than the fact you are out with another guy. I mean I could see two guys out together and totally peg them as straight based on how they were with each other or peg them as gay based on how they were together.

Of course, the whole point of a date is to be intimate (in a non-sexual way, of course) so it becomes a matter of how badly the two of you want to go on a real date. I think a date where you had to keep your feelings under tight control would be a pretty lousy date.

 

I respect other opinions and I think they're right to a certain point, but first, we don't have the age of the original poster.
Not to be rude, but society is very lost and pervert right now, I could go to watch a movie with a girl and people ask me is she's my "girlfriend" even though I am kinda obvious about my sexuality. Now I could imagine what would happen if I go to the movies or to a restaurant with a friend of mine, That'd be a mess in terms of gossiping and getting the wrong people the wrong perception.

Again is a matter of behaviour. If you're not that "obvious", then go for it, act normally. But if you tend to have some small things that can give up easily that you're gay, beware a little if you don't want... right! The wrong people getting the wrong perception.

In a city, there will be always someone around you that 1. knows you, or 2. knows someone that knows you. Sometimes they won't even care if they're not that close to you, but should be nice of awkward moments as a phone call with a med-school friend about your sexuality. Yes, it had happened with me (I was shopping by myself and I stopped in a clothing store - what I didnt knew is that the specific store I visited is the favorite store for the gay community in my area, bleh!)

 

Where do you live? I am so moving with you.
Really, people are awared and are to a point, stupidly worried, but the fact that they do not show any strange behaviour when they spot a gay couple eating or shopping ar whatever doens't mean that they aren't awared.-

 

YaY! This time i agree with Quitex!! Everyone, straight gay bi or whatever has a gaydar, some not as good as others but there are somethings that 'everyone' picks up. People don't normally make judgment on these things because there so common and to be frank, most people don't care and those that do, normally don't do much more then give a sour look (or in some cases a flirtatious one )

But i can see with joeyconnik is coming from, a lot of people that feel self conscious and insecure believe that their flaws are really obvious and that everyone notices them, this is very rarely the case, its your anxiety and withdrawal that people notice.

 

I'm part of the 'just be yourself' crowd. Absolutely!

I'm not sure where exactly where you live, but even in the most backward places they aren't going to round up a 'lynch mob' at the sight of two men having dinner together, or sitting together at the movies. As Joey indicated - most people are clueless or simply aren't paying that much attention to those around them to notice or care.

When my bf and I are out for dinner, we don't hold hands or gaze longingly into each other's eyes - where I likely would have done that with my wife when we were first dating. It's a function of what you are comfortable with.

Go to the movies! Share a popcorn! Sit with each other! Have a good time - and tell us how it goes!

 

The original poster indicated that he was in college. Based on the fact that most college students are 18 to 22 years old, I provided an answer appropriate to an 18 to 22 year old. In my experience, there was not a single time that when I went out to eat with one other male that people perceived that as being a gay couple. Mostly because, it was usually my straight roommate and I and neither of us acted intimate toward each other.

Joey is right, when you go out on a date, you are supposed to be intimate. Our advice is to either go out on a date with your boyfriend as a boyfriend and enjoy it, or to go out to eat as a friend and still not accomplish what you have set out.

At some point, you come to accept that you are gay. Since you aren't able to change how someone might perceive you, you learn to go ahead be happy and not make an issue about how others see you. As I told the original poster, if he is at a college that would kick him out based on his sexuality, then he needs to consider his actions. If not, then he should own who he is and be happy with it. Until then, you end up not going to shop at a store you want to go shop, you tend to avoid public trips with your other gay friends, or really enjoy a date with another guy.

 

We are never as interesting to other people as we think we are. Or at least I never am, which sucks, because I think I'm totally interesting, so what's wrong with people? :lol:

And I still maintain there are PLENTY of clueless people who would not realise someone were gay unless they saw them kissing someone of the same gender--and maybe not even then. I used to work with this guy and EVERYONE there knew I was gay because I don't try to hide it and I don't act very butch (unless I'm trying to act butch to make a point about the fact that I'm not very butch).

So one day I wore my "I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public" t-shirt and that's when this guy finally asked around about whether I was gay. Please note he didn't even at that point assume I was gay, he actually had to ask someone.

 

You're shitting me! I thought "my roommate and I from a conservative college are secretly hot for each other and got drunk one night and fucked" stories were... well, stories from like porn sites/porn mags! You don't happen to be in a frat too, do you? :lol:

Seriously though--that sucks that you guys have to worry about dating but that's cool that you found each other that way. You're kinda living the gay college (wet) dream, there.

 

LOL! Ya - I feel less sorry for you, if your bf is your room mate! Here I was thinking that you've been 'dating' for a year and hadn't really seen each other! That apparently isn't the case. :eusa_danc (Lucky guys!)

I'd say if you were room mates, you've got even LESS to be worried about! If you're seen out in public, people arent going to say "Who's that guy that with Ryesright?" Nor will you have to make something up when they ask you who it was. They'll know, and likely won't think anything of it!

 

Hi Ryesright,

I would have to agree with the guys who recommend just being yourself. A date is supposed to be fun for both you and your partner. I can’t imagine it being very enjoyable if you waste your time worrying about what other people think. It takes some practice to ignore the people around you so don’t expect to be fully at ease the first time. I’ve caught myself a few times being self-conscious about my friend’s show of affection. On one occasion, I was wearing a baseball cap that says “Str8t Acting” in a restaurant when I thought I spotted the Deputy Police Director of the city (someone I deal with at work quite often) and immediately took my hat off, not wanting to flaunt my gayness in front of a well-known public official. My boyfriend brought it to my attention and I was upset with myself for being so chicken-shit . The baseball cap went right back on. I came to the conclusion that I am who I am and no one is going to chase me back into the closet.

I would think that our goal is to be who we are and be able to act naturally, regardless of the surroundings. At a minimum, we should be able to show the same amount of affection in public as any hetero couple.

Indeed, dating is part of the coming out process and takes some getting used to. For starters, I wouldn’t rush to a redneck rodeo or a church social and start kissing my boyfriend. I’m lucky enough to live in a city where we have plenty of gay clubs and monthly dance parties for gays and lesbians. Those are places where I feel totally at ease so that might be an option for your first date. Yeah, you’ll be seen but the audience is friendly. Another option is to choose a town farther away where you won’t run into as many friends and neighbors. And yes, get over it :icon_bigg .

 

Just my 2 cents. I think it depends on where you live, here me and my friend aaron walked around together at school and old town, and no one thought we were dating (which we weren't), whereas at a nearby city we did and everyone thought we were.

Just my 2 cents to put into it :3 Setting plays a part in how people perceive something.

 

I agree with the be yrself crowd.

Unfortunately no matter what you do, someone will always make assumptions about you. Whether yr gay or straight, bi or trans there will always be those who will project an image of what and who you are onto you. sometimes they're right other times not. The important thing is to be yrself and live a life that you are happy with.
I think that the only way you could truly normalise yr relationship would be to be as honest with ppl as you can. I understand your trepidation and concern as people often reject and attack those that they dont understand, just keep yr head up and be confident in who you are.

Hope this helps
RFB

 

I definetly agree with be yourself. No matter what you do, someone will always have their own opinions or assumptions about what is going on around them. It happens everyday; some people walk down the street and see all sorts of characters and the average person will make assumptions about how the person looks, how they are dressed, etc. I think that you shouldn't worry about what other people think, just as long as you are happy with you and your boyfriend.

Good luck on your first date, don't worry you will make it through it.