Not. Earlier today I was having a meal with my parents and my brother. The TV was on and there was a program on BBC about a guy who had an outstanding memory. So, we were watching it for a while and after a few minutes the guy was shown sitting in a meadow with another lad and it soon turned out that they both were gay and a couple. There wasn't any graphic content on anything, btw (because it wasn't the main story). Then suddenly, when it became obvious that the two lads are a couple, my brother said he knew there was something wrong with the guy, that he was a fag. He also said that he could easily spot a homosexual person just by seeing a few of their gestures... By that point I wanted to scream but instead I just thought to myself: "well, you've known me for a long time so your gaydar must have been broken for the past several years". Of course, that wasn't over. After a moment he went with another brilliant remark - "well, apparently homosexuality can be cured". :bang: That was when my Mum chimed in saying that "it's not true, it's in their genes". That was kind of comforting to hear. But then again, a few (?) days ago when she was watching the news and the story about how gay marriage was recently legalized in France came on, she wasn't exactly thrilled about that, either. My Dad stayed silent for the whole time, so I'm not sure what's his take on this. After hearing all that I was literally on the verge of coming out, but I somehow managed to bite my tongue. Plus, I know that coming out when you're angry is not the best idea. So, there you have it. A nice family meal on a lazy Sunday. :eusa_doh:
It happened something like that to me. I thought that coming out to my sisters would be easier cause at least one of them is ok with gay marriage...but then they make some comments that make me doubt. I'm still planning coming out to them but I'm not sure how and when My parent on the other hand...my dad sometimes makes some kind of homophobic comments, and my mom..hard to tell.
That's awful. Find out your dad's take on homosexuality, and if he's supportive, then come out to him with the understanding that he won't tell your family. That way, you'll have backup when you come out to the rest of them. Your brother's a twat, by the way.
People say very stupid thing when they don't know. And curing could involve violent means too. So your mom probably told your brother that he is wrong because she thought of that. On the other hand, the genes explanation isn't all that great either, it depends on how you express it. It could mean for example that as they can't be cured, they should be burned to dust (I am exaggerating of course, just to give you the picture). You should think why your dad was silent. Maybe he has caught on something about you? You should also evaluate how dumb your brother is. Mine for example has said that gay people and pedophiles are pretty much the same perverts. But generally he doesn't process what he hears and mostly repeats stuff without knowing what he is talking about. I know that if I come out to him, he won't have a problem with me being gay (in fact he would feel terrible about all the things he has said, and that is why I haven't come out to him yet). In general, don't expect that they will take it lightly when you come out. Apart from accepting the fact that you are gay, they must change a bit their way of thinking. I remember watching with my dad a movie where two 40-50 year old lesbians hugged and started crying out of love and my dad asked me in pure astoundment "Does that happen in real life?!". And think that he has an additional 32 years life experience compared to me. Of course I hadn't come out to him yet. But after doing so, he didn't react bad to it, just had that same look of surprise/ignorance. To be honest, I haven't had a relationship or anything to see how he reacts to that, but I know that even if he does, it's not because he doesn't accept me, but because deep inside he is struggling to get rid of all the stereotypes he unwillingly has. To make it short, don't get too disappointed by what happened during breakfast. When they learn that there is someone gay inside their family, it will be a whole different issue to deal with. I can't tell you how they will react, it depends on the person, you know better than me about them. But don't get your hopes down. What you should learn from that incident is that even your parents and brother need guidance conserning the homosexuality issue. You should be ready to help them understand in the process, and not only drop a bomb "I am gay". The same thing had happened to me too, but everything has turned out well so far. Best wishes!
Your brother's an idiot, but you didn't say how young he is. He might grow a brain still, so be more forgiving with him. I guess from a certain perspective we are "wrong" because we don't neatly fit into the heteronormative paradigm. Our job, your job, is to subvert the social system until things get better for us. You're not ready to out yourself yet, that's fine, but don't just be passive. Think of things you can do to debunk some of your family's assumptions about the queer crowd. I'd say from the episode with your brother that invisibility is a big issue; the show had to make it pretty explicit that the two men were a couple before he caught on. So work that subversion into casual conversation. For example, if the topic of a male family-member/friend dating someone comes up and the gender isn't specified, ask "is he cute?" Do stuff like that, you have to kind of train them to question their assumptions of heterosexuality. Doing things like that reminds them that we exist and have lives that are entangled with theirs; don't let our existence be some distant afterthought to them or they will continue to marginalize us. It might help to point out how many talented writers, musicians, and actors there are who are LGBT. Surely they can't just throw out all of their contributions or diminish them somehow just because they're not straight?
This is exactly what I thought. She did kind of defend the poor lad (from the telly) saying that gays are born this way, but the thing is that I couldn't hear a shred of enthusiasm in her voice while she was saying it. I've heard some 'not-overly-tolerant' comments on gays from her before, but she also said once that she doesn't mind them (as long as they don't adopt children). Well, my Father is a man of few words, so to speak. He rarely comments on current political (or other) events while watching the news. I've never heard him express any opinions on LGBT related issues, so I have a rather faint idea about what his views might be. I have been wondering why he didn't say anything yesterday. It might have had something to do with the fact that he was using his laptop, so maybe he didn't pay much attention to what was being said. I don't think he suspects anything, though. Yes, I know that. I'm willing to answer whatever questions they might have once I come out. I've also looked for some resources on homosexuality and dealing with "the news" in general. I found a PFLAG booklet that they might find helpful, and some other materials, too. Good to hear everything turned out well for you. He's in his thirties... He's not a complete idiot, though. Apart from his blatant ignorance when it comes to homosexuality, of course. But then again, why would he know anything about it. See, I'm not really sure how I would go about doing that without actually outing myself. Being passive is an easy way out, I know, but speaking out would simply blow my cover. Sure, I could have said something yesterday. Hell, I wanted to say something, but I knew how it would end for me and I'm not ready for that yet. Yeah, this is one of my arguments for once I come out to them. Thanks for all the responses, guys!
