I dont want to be stereotyped

Then don't. You might encounter some ignorant people who question whether you're really gay because you don't fit the stereotypes, but they'll come around when it sinks is that that's not who you are.

 

I suggest you do what comes to you naturally. I also hate floppy hands, but then again, what can you do about it. You shouldn't distinguish so much main stream and stereotype. Just be yourself. Since you don't like the other gay guy's behaviour, you probably won't mimic it. But even if you catch yourself doing so and feel so bad, you could just discipline yourself to stop it.

If you feel good about yourself, even if that means having a floppy hand, you won't care about other people's opinion. So don't think about that silly matter, be yourself and things will turn out just fine.

 

Okay, first of all, You don't have to be the *stereotype* gay person.

Just be yourself, that way, you will feel better about being your true self without pretending to be anything or anyone you are not.

 

One of the reasons I wasn't aware I was 100% gay (as opposed to bi) was because I didn't want to be associated with this, either.

However, once I started reading about the philosophies of the bear culture, it was easier to accept. Generally, they are a group of men that maintain their masculinity, and are accepting of "imperfections" (bellies, bald spots, etc.). (I would love to post a link here, but, alas, that's not allowed)

I would try reading up on that. Maybe you don't identify with that, or maybe just a little bit of it. In any case, it wouldn't really hurt to read, right?

But, to quote a pal on this issue: "[...] Then you have most normal gays which act, dress, and feel the way they what with out really giving a damn about what others think of them."

You don't have to change. Just do whatever you're already doing.

 

There's a saying - "those that matter don't think that, and those that think that don't matter".

Your friends know you. They know you as Keegan, the person with all his various personality traits and quirks. When you come out, they won't suddenly think all those traits are going to go by the wayside, and you'll start acting like a complete stereotype. These people matter, and they won't think that.

There may exist some people in your school somewhere you will find out that you're gay before finding out absolutely anything else. And they might think you'll have every gay stereotype known because of it. But who the hell cares? They might think other things NOW, based on your clothes, your gender, your ethnicity. Who cares what they think? These people might think that, but they certainly don't matter.

And quick side note to keep in mind. I understand the desire to separate oneself from the stereotype. But this is key - there's nothing wrong with the stereotype. Masculine gay guys are not in any way superior to effeminate ones. You are not "better" than the other gay guy in your school. One might suggest he's ahead of you - he's at least at peace with his sexuality already, and living his life according to his programming. Now it might be time to see if you can catch up.

Lex

 

One more note to the above excellent advice. It has been observed that people who come out do notice afterwards, in themselves, a greater freedom to act as they are.

I am definitely one of those who, for years, made sure that I didn't let out my inner "fabulous" or observe for too long images of guys or actual guys who were attractive.

In that sense, you may feel, upon coming out, less inhibited and freer to be who you are. This is not to say that you should go the other way and adopt behaviours that are not you. Simply that there may have been things you have been repressing.

 

Trust it from somebody who was in the closet for what seemed like an eternity; just be yourself. Outside of your choice of partners, being gay needn't shape much of your identity if you don't want it to. Let the fact that you don't really conform to stereotypes be a message to the ignorant people of the world that being gay doesn't mean you automatically act like Kurt from Glee.

 

Just be who you are and let others deal with it.

 

I think the best way to not be stereotyped is to stop stereotyping

 

When I came out to one of my best friends, who is completely straight, he did not judge me. He thanked me for trusting him with something so personal and told me that he still sees me as 'a great guy'. All the people I've told (the rest are all gay, except my counselor) kept saying how I don't even look gay. Possibly due to the bear-like appearance and (what I like to think) dark mysterious personality :icon_wink

You can be whatever you feel like. Stereotype or otherwise. I personally think some stereotypes are so obvious, including a friend of mine who I had a crush on, that they never even had to come out. :rolle:

 

hey keegan

wow i am concerned at the same thing too! just a Support here, Good luck

 

Don't go with the crowd, go with your heart. =)

 

same thing keegan , worry about it everyday...its simple im a man and ill stay that way. I like to say im the same person i always was i just watch a different type of porn now lol. Good luck to you man . Be gay your way

 

There's nothing wrong with not fitting stereotypes, and at the same time there's nothing wrong with fitting them.

This guy at your school that is "full on gay" - there's nothing wrong with him, and has been said earlier on in this thread, neither one of you is any "better" than the other. You're just different. I don't think that I personally meet any of the stereotypes either - I don't shave below the neck, I love baseball and other sports, and I work in technology. That's just me, and what I love to do. Nothing about that has changed since I came out, and nothing will.

Now there are some stereotypes that I do like - I love me some show tunes! I'll admit to not being very good at singing them (good thing I work in tech, and not as an actor - I'd be unemployed!!! ), but going to shows and stuff is a wonderful thing to do. Again, this is me, and nothing changed after I came out.

Like the Jimmy Eat World song goes "Live right now, yeah just be yourself. Doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else".

 

If it comforts you, I feel much the same way. My voice is a natural baritone. I HATE pop music. I don't know anything about fashion and I'm very messy. I don't really feed into the stereotype at all. But the biggest thing to remember. Is you know who you are inside and who you love isn't going to change that. Everyone is different! Don't let stereotypes drag you down, you can be who you want to be.