I don't think I'm very good at being honest. My life is full of lies, and they are the only thing that bring me comfort. I think that somewhere deep down, I like living in this house of cards... Im like a professional liar. I'm so good that I don't even notice anymore. And when I have to lie for something stupid, like for a joke on someone, etc, I suck at it... I think I do it on purpose. Like if people think I'm a bad liar, they'll never suspect that I do it all the time. My life is full of downplaying things, covering up things. I'm always on the lookout. I don't know anything else, and when I'm talking to someone who wants me to open up and be honest, it's like I short circuit. Likewise, when I think about creating that environment in my house. Turning it into a place where I don't have to lie anymore scares me more than anything. I just don't know how to be honest. And despite all this, I HAVE to do it. I have to tell my father, and as soon as I start university, I want to be out to everyone... so I have some major thinking to do if I plan on making that happen. And I think I really need it, before I go crazy. I just need a therapist... Right now, I have it in my head that if I had a therapist, someone I could talk to, who would listen and help, everything would be better. The problem? I can't tell my mom... and as far as my dad knows, I'd have nothing to talk about. Plus, they're not really the type of people who believe in paying someone to listen...
Of course the idea of making your life something where you don't have to lie anymore is scary, it's really the only thing you've ever known, so straying from that has to be frightening in some respects. All that might really be required is to get into the habit of being honest. Of course, as you mentioned, that's much much easier said than done. Perhaps the first step to take in this process is to begin small: just start being honest about little things, like stealing cookies little. I don't really know how you are with these little things, but it might help. Then again, I really don't have a whole ton of experience here, so it might not. Also, wear more scarves . And seeking a professional is definitely a good idea, although gaining one, like you said, would be a bit difficult. Perhaps you could suggest to your mom that you could go in for just a "trial" session, to see if your hunch about it making things a lot better is correct. It would probably be best if you asked about this while you're in a fairly good mood, just so it doesn't seem like an emotional impulse. Also starting out with "I've been thinking about this a lot" might be a good idea. And you should probably try and make clear that these are issues that she can't really help you with and you really need a trained professional. If this doesn't work, is does your school have a trustworthy counselor? That probably should have been my first suggestion because they can really help, your parents don't have to know, and they're free. Good luck with all this! (*hug*) -Chris
This is a VERY good suggestion. If the counselor isn't able to help you, they'd at least be a good buffer, a wall, to tell your parents to get you a therapist. That's at least what mine did a year ago when I wanted one, and couldn't manage myself well enough to ask my parents for one. On another note, I understand where you're coming from, because I have such a similar problem. I'd have to agree with sodom though, start small and build your way up.
That's a GREAT idea! I think I'll have to delve into this, further. And the scarf thing... I have it. It looks rad with my vest... so i guess it's coming with me to school on the first day back... assuming it's cold enough... okay, it will come on the first day it's cold enough. There. Im starting. Thanks Qu and suburbs!
it snowed today... and has finally been getting cold like it should! so it looks like my scarf wearing days may start tomorrow at the mall!(!)
Haha, yay! It's getting cold here too (as in 10 degrees c), but hey, I can wear a scarf in it and not look like a total freak :lol:. Although apparently the warm weather we've been having on the East Coast of North America is thanks to El Nino...not the conservatives :dry:.
I didn't wear the scarf. And Im going to make the excuse that it was too cold... but thats a lie.. I just couldn't be "the kid with the scarf"... whish is SO DUMB because a few straight guys even wear them... one guy has the SAME one as me... I just need help with this being so self-conscious thing... my mom even thinks I have like body image issues... like aside from being gay... God I wish I had a therapist...
theres like a ton of straight guys wearing scarfs now... i could pull it off, but i just think scarves are... dumb... (i know, they should revoke my gay fashion sense ability for that haha) I mean, they look awesome and all, its just that theyre so, i dunno... difficult.
a lot of people can't pull them off, I'm not gonna lie. Like me. I cannot wear scarves. We don't mesh. But yeah, they're "in style" again and so a lot of guys are wearing them.
lol, i do have a knack for oddness. Yeah, but the thing is, I know i can do a scarf. I know mine looks good on me, I'm just too afraid. But for now, thanks to an El Niño winter, we're experiencing spring temperatures and weather, hardly scarf worthy. So I'm gonna drop my scarf shenanigans for this winter, and pick up where I left off next year.
Yeah it's kind of warm in Hamilton too.... I don't even need a winter jacket actually. I usually just swaddle myself with 2 shirts and a windbreaker. !! Straights seldom wear scarves? Man, I really didn't know that. I thought most straights are actually androgynous. My roommate has a girlfriend and wears a fancy scarf and a pink lanyard....
haha Yeah, I usually layer a t-shirt with a long-sleeved shirt and then wear my vest. Although it got pretty cold today, and it even snowed a bit.. this is enough, I'm actually getting used to this weather, I guess I'd rather there only be only 2 seasons: summer during its normal time, and then fall the rest of the year :icon_bigg
Yeah...fall is fun, and probably my favorite season. But it's still really odd to have the lighting of January and it feel like late September. Here it was 22 degrees C yesterday. Needless to say there was no scarf wearing.
