Searching for roommates and mentioning the fact you're gay - any advice?

I would suggest requesting to meet with anyone who responds to the ad and when you meet ask then their opinion of homosexuality. If they don't agree then just say sorry this isn't going to work, and if they say they are ok with it then tell them you personally are gay and make sure they are comfortable with that.

You don't want to live with a homophobe and you don't want to have to hide your sexulity from the person you live with.

 

Many years ago (call it mid-90s), I ended up in a roommate situation with 3 other gay guys. It was actually pretty cool. I sort of got adopted into their circle of friends which led to going with a big group of (mostly) gay guys + gay friendly folks to Friday night Happy Hours, the local gay bars for dancing (I didn't drink but liked hanging out with the group and loved to dance), and parties and get together's at peoples houses.

Things that occurred (I'll let you decide if they are pros or cons):

a) I ended up fooling around with two of my housemates within the first couple of weeks of moving in (ok, the first one was the same night I moved in). We didn't really 'click' either time and mostly went back to being housemates, no bruised feelings. I say mostly because I did get to be really good friends with one of them.

b) I got the experience of realizing that most of the people in a room (say 20 plus at a party one night) were all gay and that the straights were a minority. Which was actually a pretty cool feeling

c) I met the ex of one of my housemates and ended up dating him for about a year (he was a really nice guy and we still exchange Xmas cards ). The housemate had moved on and didn't care.

d) I got used to having one or another housemate bringing someone home, whether for the night or an hour at various times. That took a little getting used to and then the novelty wore off and I didn't care. I went over to my boyfriend's house to play on weekends since we both worked.

e) Eventually one of the housemates moved out and a straight guy moved in. He was pretty cool and just joined the overall group dynamic, including going to gay bars (he liked the music better and just laughed and politely declined when he got hit on). He actually briefly dated a female friend of mine.

Anyway.

The point of most of that is that an all-gay roommate situation can be fun. But if you don't want to limit yourself than being open about who you are is probably best so everyone involved (including you) knows where everyone stands from the get go. That way no one is surprised, either in general or when you meet someone and end up bringing them home, either for the night or permanently.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

I meet every prospective roommate and ask them how they would feel about sharing with a lesbian*. I have never moved in with roommates before meeting them to see how we get on, this usually involves a few tea and cake mornings and discussing things such as sexuality, social life and whether they're into wine/DVD nights or all night clubbing sessions. If you're going to be living with someone, it's good to get an indication of how you feel about them even if you never see them.

*While I do not identify as a lesbian I usually judge my willingness to live with someone based on their response to that. If they say they wouldn't be comfortable with it then we politely part ways.

 

Hi.. If you tell people about your sexuality in the ad, you could gain someone who's gay too..

 

I was really worried about this being a freshman in college this year--I moved out first term and had to find a new roomie, and I ended up finding a really awesome gal to room with! It was a real gamble, though, because she was the only other option if I wanted to stay in my current dorm; it was either that or move into the room right next door, which would have been the opposite of progress. :eusa_doh: So I really couldn't risk it worrying about me being a lesbian or not.

I laid low for the first few weeks and eventually, sooner or later, people will get into a conversation about something LGBT related. I waited to see how she reacted, and I just found out by listening in one day that she's perfectly cool with gays and is under the impression that it's none of anyone else's business.

It was actually a big relief one day--we were at lunch with our neighbor and another hallmate and they had just been talking about boyfriend troubles. So I'd just been sitting there listening quietly, and so far I'd only mentioned "the person I used to date" first term. But there was one point in the conversation where they were all reflecting: "If it's this hard to date guys, imagine how hard it would be to date a girl!" With stupid jealousies, nit-picky fights, and all that jazz that just comes with being a girl sometimes. I'd found out that the hallmate's roommate was gay and had a girlfriend, too, so while they were pondering this, I just got to bring it up: "You know, first term I actually did date a girl, and it could get to be a hassle! :rolle:" And it felt good to be so casual about it! None of the people eating with us seemed to think it was anything out of the ordinary, and I'd just solved the issue of coming out to my roommate!

The moral: I think if you just see how things turn out, you can eventually develop the confidence yourself to say something! Don't worry about it too much, just focus on finding someone with the same living habits that you do! Sleeping hours, terms for having guests over, study habits, would you rather be too hot or too cold so I can know if I can open the windows, and all that little stuff. You'll be just fine!